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Here I am, another former member of the Jan. '13 DDC. I went in Tuesday, should have been 12 weeks but no heartbeat was found..
I'm sorry if this is too graphic, skip to the end please if you might be sensitive!! I passed the pregnancy last night. It was startling, but a mass bigger than a golf ball came out of me while I was on the toilet. I fished it out b/c I knew what it was. I was able to open it up and retrieve our baby's tiny remains. They said the baby measured 7wk, 1 day by ultrasound, but from what I see, I don't think baby developed past 5 weeks or so. Poor thing is not even a cm long, no arms or legs yet, just buds. Tiniest of little black specks where eyes would eventually have been. It is so incredibly sad, and yet... amazing in a way. Hard to believe that such a very, very tiny little person has affected our lives so dramatically and so permanently. I was very afraid that the baby's body would be lost, so I'm thankful it isn't. I hope that's not weird...
OK, less graphic from here out...
Anyway, we've decided to name the baby Francis. First, we're Catholic and have devotion to St. Francis. Second, Francis is the name of my grandfather, whose birthday is July 4th. Third, Francis can be a girl's name or a boy's name, and we don't know which we had. We called our priest last night and he is meeting us at the cemetery this afternoon for a memorial and dedication. We will bury Francis ourselves where our Hope is buried. Hope was our daughter who was stillborn at 36 weeks, July 8, 2006. Today is also our youngest daughter's 2nd birthday. So, we have a baby to mourn and a child to celebrate. It is going to be an emotional day, but not all bad. I feel like I am going to be okay, so far this has been much easier physically and emotionally than our other loss. Not necessarily because it was so much earlier in the pregnancy, but mainly I think because I just knew deep in my gut that we would not be having a healthy baby next January. So even though I cry for the baby that could have been, I am thankful for the little soul that now waits with God for us.
This turned out to be really long. Thank you for listening (reading) and all of you will be in my prayers today as well. Blessings ~ ~
~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many
Robert: 20 Raechel: 18 Daniel: 15 Joseph: 13 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 7 Lucy Marie: 5 John Anthony: 2 AND Baby due Dec. 2015
Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w); Francis (7-4-12 @12w); Charlie (1-19-15 @ 6w)
Congratulations Raechel and Kaleb, married May, 2015
It wasn't too graphic for me, I really wanted to see my baby too to say goodbye but I wasn't able to. So I'm glad for you that you got that moment. I think it's sweet that Francis and Hope will be near each other, they can care for each other until the rest of their family goes to be with them.
Hugs to you, my heart goes out to you!
I'm so pleased that your baby wasn't lost and you were able to say goodbye and see him/her. I think Francis is a lovely name by the way. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm wondering how you are doing. I see that you posted a few days ago. I hope that you are healing and that you know that you can always talk to me if you need anything or an ear.
I hope to hear from you soon and you are in my thoughts.