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  #1  
July 29th, 2012, 04:09 PM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
Let it out... say exactly what is on your mind and tell us how your feeling.
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  #2  
July 31st, 2012, 01:49 PM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
That sure is a loaded question... but since you asked, here it goes!

I am feeling bitter and depressed... I feel like it is so unfair that all I see a lot of people who are AWFUL parents pregnant and having way more than they can handle to begin with... while people who are good parents and responsible people go thru hell after a pregnancy loss.

I am sad that July is ending, because it is the month I delivered my baby and it means a new month without my little one and a month closer to what should have been my due date.

I am anxious for my first group therapy session tomorrow, and worried I might make things worse for some people because I am not in a good place right now.

I am agitated with my husband because we orignially said we'd start ttc in November, and now he is saying that may be too soon! I want to try again NOW and I am frustrated because I don't know when we will again at this point... just know it will be sometime in the future and that's not good enough.

Also... I don't feel like I have much support because we didn't announce the pregnancy except to a few close friends, and they don't know what to say, so they just don't bring it up, or change the topic when I do and it is making me angry and making me feel like I don't have anyone to truly lean on and making me feel more alone.

And lastly... I am feeling thankful that I was blessed with 2 babies who are here with me, because without them I am scared of where I'd be right now... they are the only things that make me smile each day and fill my heart with love.
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Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
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  #3  
August 1st, 2012, 03:18 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
It is completely normal to feel this way! Being bitter and depressed is a part of the grieving process and it takes time. I still have my good days and bad days. EDD's & Angelversary's are always really hard. And sometimes the days leading up to them are actually harder/worse than the actual day. I always let balloons go to my angels and write messages to them on the balloon for both days. Another thing I do is light a candle that night for them. How did your group therapy go? They might just be the support system you need right now. Have you tried explaining to you husband how your feeling and telling him you are ready to try again? Sometimes they are hesitant to try again because they are worried it is too soon for us but don't want to say anything. I know that having a date when you will start trying always helped me. Have you thought about sending your family (close family) and friends a letter explaining that you had a loss and that yes while you are grieving the loss you really need to talk about it and let your feelings out? My friends/family avoided the topic at first until I explained to them that I needed to talk about it, that I needed them to listen.
Kate76 likes this.
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  #4  
August 9th, 2012, 01:37 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Hugs to both...MommyandWife I hope you've felt some more comfort. So sorry for what you are going through. I remember when I had my first miscarriage I could not wait to TTC again either and it was very hard for me to wait as well. I hope for all the best for you in the future.

Right now I'm feeling pretty bummed. Yesterday I was relieved because whenh the miscarriage was finally confirmed, it took me off the rollercoaster I'd been on for over a month. I'd start spotting and get so upset, then it would go away and the doctor thought it was no biggie, etc, and then it would come back and over and over again. I felt like I was going crazy, up and down and up and down. At least now I know but the flipside of that closure is now I'm just down.

This was an unplanned pregnancy and we won't be trying again. In fact I'll probably be talking to my doctor about a tubal ligation. I know this is for the best; I have three children already and I'm very blessed with them. My husband did not want another baby; he's 49 (I'm 36) and feels he's far too old.

But even though she (I feel strongly this baby was a girl) was an 'accident' I wanted her so much. And I felt sure that since she'd overcome so many odds just to enter my life in the first place that it was meant to be. So now I feel cheated; like this was some kind of cruel practical joke by mother nature - give me one more chance only to rip it away. I don't know what kind of lesson that I'm supposed to learn from this.

And I have to admit I'm so resentful of my husband right now. He cannot hide his relief; in fact he's been in a pretty good mood. He had honest concerns about not wanting to be an older dad. I understand that, but I wish he'd understand more of what I'm going through. All he wants to talk about is when we're going to have sex again and the road trip we're going on this week, which in all honesty I do not know is the best idea for me.

*sigh* I know it will get better, but I have this hole now that will always be there and I just feel so bad.
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  #5  
August 9th, 2012, 04:50 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,711
I only lost my baby on Tuesday, so its very fresh and new for me still I'm in between numb all day, and just finding myself super spaced out for the most part. Then I find myself waking in the night and just crying alone for a few hours. Feels so empty and just robbed. Find myself searching online for hours wanting to find a reason why. Can't wait for my doctor appointment so maybe I can figure some of it out. I was never told what was seen on my U/S on Tuesday, I mean I expected there to be no heartbeat, but I kinda just wanted to know if they seen a baby at all, and if it was indeed 12 weeks along or passed a while back. Anyways sorry to ramble on, I don't talk to anyone else about it at all.
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  #6  
August 9th, 2012, 05:42 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate76 View Post
Hugs to both...MommyandWife I hope you've felt some more comfort. So sorry for what you are going through. I remember when I had my first miscarriage I could not wait to TTC again either and it was very hard for me to wait as well. I hope for all the best for you in the future.

Right now I'm feeling pretty bummed. Yesterday I was relieved because whenh the miscarriage was finally confirmed, it took me off the rollercoaster I'd been on for over a month. I'd start spotting and get so upset, then it would go away and the doctor thought it was no biggie, etc, and then it would come back and over and over again. I felt like I was going crazy, up and down and up and down. At least now I know but the flipside of that closure is now I'm just down.

This was an unplanned pregnancy and we won't be trying again. In fact I'll probably be talking to my doctor about a tubal ligation. I know this is for the best; I have three children already and I'm very blessed with them. My husband did not want another baby; he's 49 (I'm 36) and feels he's far too old.

But even though she (I feel strongly this baby was a girl) was an 'accident' I wanted her so much. And I felt sure that since she'd overcome so many odds just to enter my life in the first place that it was meant to be. So now I feel cheated; like this was some kind of cruel practical joke by mother nature - give me one more chance only to rip it away. I don't know what kind of lesson that I'm supposed to learn from this.

And I have to admit I'm so resentful of my husband right now. He cannot hide his relief; in fact he's been in a pretty good mood. He had honest concerns about not wanting to be an older dad. I understand that, but I wish he'd understand more of what I'm going through. All he wants to talk about is when we're going to have sex again and the road trip we're going on this week, which in all honesty I do not know is the best idea for me.

*sigh* I know it will get better, but I have this hole now that will always be there and I just feel so bad.
I'm sorry your DH is being so insensitive. Have you thought about writing down how you are feeling and letting him read it while your not there. Give him some time to think about how he is making you feel... Sometimes it's easier to do it that way. Then you both can sit down and talk about things and they are all out in the open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweety_pie View Post
I only lost my baby on Tuesday, so its very fresh and new for me still I'm in between numb all day, and just finding myself super spaced out for the most part. Then I find myself waking in the night and just crying alone for a few hours. Feels so empty and just robbed. Find myself searching online for hours wanting to find a reason why. Can't wait for my doctor appointment so maybe I can figure some of it out. I was never told what was seen on my U/S on Tuesday, I mean I expected there to be no heartbeat, but I kinda just wanted to know if they seen a baby at all, and if it was indeed 12 weeks along or passed a while back. Anyways sorry to ramble on, I don't talk to anyone else about it at all.
It's normal to feel that way. I hope the doctor can give you some answers when you see him. Most of the time they can't tell why it happened As sad as it is, some answers you will never have. Take time to heal, not just physically but emotionally as well.
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My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11


Want a siggy in a hurry? Check out my Siggy Express Lane
My blog


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  #7  
August 9th, 2012, 07:32 PM
pearlica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,442
I feel like I'm so anxious to move on that I'm not taking the time to grieve properly. I'm just pushing all those feelings down and not really acknowledging them. I dont want to think about it, I just want it to be over.
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  #8  
August 9th, 2012, 08:11 PM
Regular
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by pearlica View Post
I feel like I'm so anxious to move on that I'm not taking the time to grieve properly. I'm just pushing all those feelings down and not really acknowledging them. I dont want to think about it, I just want it to be over.

Everybody grieves in their own way. I hope that you do give yourself time to hurt if you need to, but in the end you do what is right for you. I don't have anything better to offer you then a big cyberhug.
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