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It's going to be AT LEAST a year until I get a baby. :-(


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
March 9th, 2013, 12:46 PM
Minnerva's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 142
My doctor told me to wait at least three periods before starting to try again. (Well, not *my* doctor, the doctor who was on-call). I haven't even started to miscarry yet (probably a blighted ovum, there was no baby on the ultrasound.) which means weeks and weeks and weeks before a first period.


I can't wait. A year? I thought I was going to meet my baby eight months from now, and now it's going to be so much longer. I can't do this. I wanted my kids to be close together, and now it's looking like they're going to be at least three years apart. I know that it's stupid and I cant plan for stuff like this and I'm lucky to have one healthy beautiful daughter...

I just don't know.


I'm hurting.
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  #2  
March 9th, 2013, 04:24 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,973
I'm sorry for your loss. I think you should wait and talk to your real doctor. I have had two losses (one D&C, the other I induced with cytotec). With the D&C I was told I could try again after one cycle. With the cytotec, I wasn't told to wait at all (that was just last month- I was still spotting when I ovulated so wasn't up for bd, and also wanted to wait for some test results to make sure I'd give my next pregnancy the best chance.)

So, unless there's something going on that the on-call doc knows that you (or I) don't, I don't understand why there'd be any reason to wait. Again, talk to your real doc.

Your little ones will be fine being however many years apart they end up being. I have no children. I tried to "time" my first pregnancy to be at the right time of year, to avoid a big project at work, to deliver in the spring, so my little one woudl have a "good" birthday date- screw it. That's the least of my concerns now. (I'm not saying this to, like, scold or challenge you- just commiserating that I understand what it's like to have a plan that blows up on you.) Just focus now on healing and getting the information you need to move forward.
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  #3  
March 10th, 2013, 07:26 PM
Minnerva's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelChicago View Post
I'm sorry for your loss. I think you should wait and talk to your real doctor. I have had two losses (one D&C, the other I induced with cytotec). With the D&C I was told I could try again after one cycle. With the cytotec, I wasn't told to wait at all (that was just last month- I was still spotting when I ovulated so wasn't up for bd, and also wanted to wait for some test results to make sure I'd give my next pregnancy the best chance.)

So, unless there's something going on that the on-call doc knows that you (or I) don't, I don't understand why there'd be any reason to wait. Again, talk to your real doc.

Your little ones will be fine being however many years apart they end up being. I have no children. I tried to "time" my first pregnancy to be at the right time of year, to avoid a big project at work, to deliver in the spring, so my little one woudl have a "good" birthday date- screw it. That's the least of my concerns now. (I'm not saying this to, like, scold or challenge you- just commiserating that I understand what it's like to have a plan that blows up on you.) Just focus now on healing and getting the information you need to move forward.

Thank you for the reply.

You're totally right about the "timing" aspect of things- I tried to time the last one, based on my (lousy and now former) doctor telling me to start trying ASAP since I was "too fat to be very fertile"... and we ended up with a kid a little bit before we were ready, money-wise and career-wise. But... it works out.


How was the Cytotec induction? How long did it take before the bleeding started? Doctor told me to wait a week and come back for another ultrasound, just to make sure the baby isn't growing or I don't have my dates wrong, and when I asked him about What To Expect When You're Miscarrying, and how we would be handling it, he told me not to worry about it until we could talk next week. (Again, not my regular doctor, but she's on vacation and so I'm seeing covering physicians.)
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  #4  
March 11th, 2013, 11:45 AM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Twin Cities, MN
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I've had a blighted ovum (7 wks) and a missed m/c (9 wks), and had a d&c performed both times. Both times I was told I could try right after my first normal AF came... so, like 5-6 weeks after the d&c. I agree that unless you were farther along or had some complication, you probably don't have to wait three cycles. My OB and RE both said that just allowing your uterine lining to cycle through once was sufficient, and didn't increase the risk of any subsequent pregnancy.

I also ditto what you guys said about the timing. I tried to time it so that I'd be having a baby when I was between jobs, so I didn't have to take vacation time. Well that was a big fail, since I miscarried at 9 weeks. I'm now pg again (got pg the first cycle after AF), and I'm due the first week I'm supposed to be starting my new job! Terrible timing, but I couldn't be happier. We'll just find a way to make it work. Also, I have 2 kids who are 3 years apart, and you wouldn't believe how well they get along. They are 5 and 2 years old, and they play together ALL the time... they draw pictures together, run around the house together, even play dress-up together (they both pretend to be superman, even though the 2-year old is a girl!). So 3 years is not that far apart, and it doesn't mean they won't be close or have a great relationship. If this current pregnancy holds up, then it will be 3 years younger than my youngest, and I think that age gap is just wonderful. Plus, then the 3 year old can help out with the baby!
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  #5  
March 11th, 2013, 04:07 PM
Minnerva's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisee37 View Post
I've had a blighted ovum (7 wks) and a missed m/c (9 wks), and had a d&c performed both times. Both times I was told I could try right after my first normal AF came... so, like 5-6 weeks after the d&c. I agree that unless you were farther along or had some complication, you probably don't have to wait three cycles. My OB and RE both said that just allowing your uterine lining to cycle through once was sufficient, and didn't increase the risk of any subsequent pregnancy.

I also ditto what you guys said about the timing. I tried to time it so that I'd be having a baby when I was between jobs, so I didn't have to take vacation time. Well that was a big fail, since I miscarried at 9 weeks. I'm now pg again (got pg the first cycle after AF), and I'm due the first week I'm supposed to be starting my new job! Terrible timing, but I couldn't be happier. We'll just find a way to make it work. Also, I have 2 kids who are 3 years apart, and you wouldn't believe how well they get along. They are 5 and 2 years old, and they play together ALL the time... they draw pictures together, run around the house together, even play dress-up together (they both pretend to be superman, even though the 2-year old is a girl!). So 3 years is not that far apart, and it doesn't mean they won't be close or have a great relationship. If this current pregnancy holds up, then it will be 3 years younger than my youngest, and I think that age gap is just wonderful. Plus, then the 3 year old can help out with the baby!
Thank you so much- this made me feel so much better. :-)

Congratulations on the pregnancy, and the new job!
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  #6  
March 12th, 2013, 05:32 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,948
Oh I am right there with you! We don't have alot of time left, we are much older. I understand completely. We wanted our kids to be 2 years apart too. Fast forward 6 YEARS later. We're still waiting and now my son will be at least 8 yrs old before our next child is born, if we even get pregnant again. The deck is stacked against us.

Don't look at it as a year. Look at it as it'll be spring when you are pregnant. Summer in maternity clothes - all those light, floral print maternity tops. It's just around the corner.

Can't you tell I'm trying REAL hard to be positive?
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  #7  
March 12th, 2013, 11:59 AM
StephanieMitchell's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 586
I understand. I just had a m/c. I was told the baby died on Feb. 27th. Then I had a d&c on March 6. This was my first pregnancy, and got the bad news that I have a bicornuate uterus. It will make having a baby tricky for us.
I was expecting a baby in October, but I also have to wait 3 cycles to try again. It took a year and a half for us to conceive the first, so It may be much longer than a year for us... And even if we do conceive again right away, my chances of m/c or preterm labor will be high. Maybe Im just not meant to have babies
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  #8  
March 12th, 2013, 04:35 PM
Minnerva's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephanieMitchell View Post
I understand. I just had a m/c. I was told the baby died on Feb. 27th. Then I had a d&c on March 6. This was my first pregnancy, and got the bad news that I have a bicornuate uterus. It will make having a baby tricky for us.
I was expecting a baby in October, but I also have to wait 3 cycles to try again. It took a year and a half for us to conceive the first, so It may be much longer than a year for us... And even if we do conceive again right away, my chances of m/c or preterm labor will be high. Maybe Im just not meant to have babies
Hey, don't say that. You're not not meant to have babies- if you want to be a mother, one way or another, you're going to be a mother.


How was the d&c? Was it painful? Do you bleed for a while afterwards?
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  #9  
March 13th, 2013, 05:10 AM
StephanieMitchell's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 586
I know I shouldnt say things like that, but I just feel hopeless. Its not like a regular m/c where its easy to say "oh we can try again". The problem is my uterus, and if I get pregnant again, its likley Ill m/c again...Im just so angry that this happened to me...
Physically, the d&c wasnt bad. They put me completly out for it, so I remember them telling me to scoot onto the operating table, then they put a mask over my face and and told me to take deep breaths. The next thing I remember was waking up, back in the hospital bed, being wheeled into recovery. I was very emotional waking up from the anesthesia, but I wasnt in too much pain, just a little cramping. I spent about two hours in recovery and as soon as I was able to urinate, they let me leave. The bleeding wasnt bad either. It was just like a light to medium flow period. Its been a week since the procedure and Im still bleeding, but it seems to be slowing. The worst part about it is that I had a allergic reaction to something they put in my IV and I have an aweful itchy rash all around my neck...it still hasnt cleared up.
So physically, it wasnt bad, but emotionally, it has been pretty rough. I can safely say that out of everything Ive gone through in the past few weeks, the d&c has been the easiest. I think it was the right choice for me, and if I ever had to do it again, I would.
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