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My body hates me, and Im not too fond of it either at the moment. I wish I could trade it in for a new one.
First, I found out I was pregnant! Woohoo happiest day of my life. This pregnancy is going to be perfect and easy and zero complications! Then my doctor tells me I have a uterine anomaly called a bicornuate uterus...but no big deal, Im high risk, but so what? Women with bicornuate uterus can still have babies. Everything will be ok, dont freak out, Stephanie. Then I get news that my hormone levels "are increasing beautifully". See Stephanie, I told you everything was ok, why were you freaking out? A week later, my doctor tells me the baby died. Oh god, this is the worst day of my life. She gave me a week to miscarry naturally before scheduling the D&C. But my body is NOT going to give up. Lets drag this out as long as possible... I had the d&c. Its finally over...Nope! I get a big nasty rash all around my neck from god only know what they put in my IV. A week later, Its still rashy, and red, and itchy and I look like I was attacked by a swarm of killer bees. But finally, Benadryl and hydrocortosone cream. My saviors! Its looking a little better! Finally!! Ooh but now, since youve been stressing so much, lets just go ahead and get a GIANT knot in my neck and make it too painful to turn my head... Ooh yeah and dont you dare try laying on a heating pad, because that will make the rash upset and thats just bad news...
Uuugh! Im done! If you need me, Ill be curled up under that rock over there.
2 weeks post d&c and Im pretty much back to normal physically. No more rash, and I believe the bleeding has stopped. I bleed for a week, was spotting for about 5 days, and then the spotting stopped about two days ago. Nothing at all since then...
Its been a long road, but I feel like now that Im healed physically, I think I can start focusing on healing emotionally. I still cry every day. But its starting to get better. Im able to make it through a full day at work without tearing up all day.
I think Im going to start a small flower garden in my back yard as a memorial. Maybe Ill plant some lilies. We were going to name her Lily, if it was a girl...and the whole time I was pregnant I had a feeling it was...
Last edited by StephanieMitchell; March 19th, 2013 at 02:11 PM.
I recognize you from Oct 13 DDC, you stuck out in my mind and were one of my favorites ((hugs)) I'm so sorry you lost your little one and now are having so many other issues that makes your loss so much harder to cope with and heal. I hope your feeling better. I wish I had advice but I still find myself very lost and confused.
I remember you too. (((Hugs))) Its very sad to see so many people over here that I recognize. Its just not fair...
I am starting to feel better. I have some good days and some bad days. But it is getting easier to cope everyday.
Somedays Im not really sad, Im more angry than anything. And other days I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in bed crying all day. Today, Im mad at the world...
Its really easy to feel lost. We tried for sooo long to get pregnant, and had so many plans for the baby, and in the blink of an eye, it was all over. I really dont know where to go from here. Ive found that it helps to literally just take it one day at a time. I try to focus all my energy on just making it through to tomorrow. I try to not think any further past that. I dont know if that helps, or if Im just losing my mind, but either way, here I am, still surviving. Its been 3 weeks since we were given the bad news that my baby passed.
Everyone kept telling me that it gets easier with time, and I didnt really believe them. The emotional pain is just so overwhelming. How could the death of my baby possibly ever get any easier to deal with?
But Im starting to realize they were right, it really does get easier. I still have a long way to go, but Im getting there...