Log In Sign Up

Just a thought - does this upset anyone else?


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Pregnancy Loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
March 23rd, 2013, 09:09 PM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,383
Ever since my spotting/bleeding/followed by a D&C experience, I can't stop thinking about this. I'm frustrated by the fact that everyone always says if it's brown spotting that's a good sign, if it's old blood it's a good sign, if there's no cramping it's a good sign, if there's not enough bleeding to soak one pad per hour it's a good sign etc, etc.

Why does this frustrate me so much? Because I have experienced the harsh reality of none of these things being true. Yes, sometimes it turns out to be nothing, but sometimes it can mean the worst possible outcome.

I had brown spotting, I had no cramps at all, I did not soak a pad per hour and guess what? I still ended up losing my baby. I had what they call a 'missed miscarriage'. I've read all about it now. One of the signs is brown spotting, which turns to red spotting. My spotting was so minimal. Now I know none of that matters.

I just want to scream when I read the posts where the woman is calmed down because of her spotting and now it's finally turned brown. Thank goodness it's not red anymore??? I just want to scream, "take any and all spotting/bleeding/discharge seriously, no matter what anyone else tells you!!!"

I know if I would have paid more attention and if I would taken it seriously, I could have maybe avoided a D&C.

I'm sorry if I sound so angry right now. I just feel for all the women having to go through this!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
March 24th, 2013, 05:54 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,791
I know how you feel!! I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks, and I didn't have a clue until I started spotting a small bit, still thinking maybe I was OK, but it all went downhill fast. When I see people posting how by 8-9 weeks they'd know by now if something was wrong, it makes me feel bad for them, because NO you don't always know by then. I went from a small amount of spotting, to having no baby in my belly by the end of the day, it was terrible!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
March 24th, 2013, 09:38 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
I never had spotting or cramping at all. And I was just about 10 weeks. We even saw the heartbeat going at the normal rate twice. All of that says everything should have been great.

None of those milestones are guarantees. I think they just make us all feel better at the time....
__________________
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
Reply With Quote
  #4  
March 24th, 2013, 09:40 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,019
What IS a "Good Thing"? There are no guarantees in this business. I had NO SPOTTING or CRAMPING. NOTHING. We went into a routine 2nd trimester U/S thinking everything was fine. We walked out sobbing.

The problem is, no one knows anything about what is happening inside their or your body - whether you are talking about your brain, your organs, your limbs or your uterus. And anyone who says "Oh I'm sure Everything is JUST FINE." is saying that to make themselves more comfortable with the fact that they know SQUAT.

And I'm sorry I'm not more positive, but spotting, bleeding, cramping or whatever - during pregnancy doesn't mean good or bad and if it means something bad, there isn't anything anyone can do about it. Which makes it that much worse. We are completely in the dark and completely powerless.

I'm sorry you had to go through the D&C, but whether you contacted your OB the minute you started spotting or waited 2 weeks, most likely you would have had the D&C either way. The D&C is to protect you, and in this country (I'm not sure where you are) most OBs perform a D&C after 10 wks, 8 wks if it's not a first loss.

Either way, it sucks. It just plain sucks. No one can take away the pain. No one can give a reasonable explanation. I hate that. I want LOGIC. I want it to make sense. And it doesn't. And I'm sorry for you and all the wonderful women who are here trying to make sense out of something that should simply never happen.
__________________
Leia 41 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
Reply With Quote
  #5  
March 24th, 2013, 02:09 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,810
It's very frustrating and cruel!! Excuse my language but it's a complete mind f***!!!
I think lelila is spot-on with what she wrote.

For me, my son made it full term, we were past all the 'danger zones' and I don't understand what went wrong. I wasn't given any answers as to WHY we lost him, no one knows. We never had any issues large or small, everything was perfect the whole time, every blood pressure reading, everything-perfect. I never once was given a bad sign, "So how can the Drs explain that one" you may be wondering?? The reasoning they gave me behind the death of my son was that it was a fluke, sometimes it just happens. A fluke? A FLUKE?!!

Well FLUKE them!!
I'm sorry I'm not helping, but Yes, this makes me so angry!! ((hugs))
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
March 25th, 2013, 12:15 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1
YES! I get SO angry as well! I found out I was pregnant during a trip to the ER after an awful athsma attack and also was told it was triplets! Two identical and one in its own sack, and much smaller than the other. Before I got to the day of my first prenatal apt a week or so later I started spotting, and then bleeding and made another late night ER trip only to have them tell me everything looked fine, and I shouldn't be concerned unless it started to be accompanied by cramping and pain, heavy bleeding soaking a pad or included clots and it ended in four days without any of these occurring one bit, but they were all without heartbeat at my follow up another week after. They called it TT&TC, typically with identical same sack pregnancies and I just don't understand any one part of it at all. It still makes me angry. To make matters worse some people made statements about me making the whole thing up because of what they found from the internet. Must I show everyone I know a picture of my dead babies? NO. It feels morbid of me to do so, and now at week 9 of a new pregnancy I am still affected by it. I hate when people comfort and talk people out of critical care!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
March 25th, 2013, 07:56 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,383
Quote:
Originally Posted by kle313 View Post
YES! I get SO angry as well! I found out I was pregnant during a trip to the ER after an awful athsma attack and also was told it was triplets! Two identical and one in its own sack, and much smaller than the other. Before I got to the day of my first prenatal apt a week or so later I started spotting, and then bleeding and made another late night ER trip only to have them tell me everything looked fine, and I shouldn't be concerned unless it started to be accompanied by cramping and pain, heavy bleeding soaking a pad or included clots and it ended in four days without any of these occurring one bit, but they were all without heartbeat at my follow up another week after. They called it TT&TC, typically with identical same sack pregnancies and I just don't understand any one part of it at all. It still makes me angry. To make matters worse some people made statements about me making the whole thing up because of what they found from the internet. Must I show everyone I know a picture of my dead babies? NO. It feels morbid of me to do so, and now at week 9 of a new pregnancy I am still affected by it. I hate when people comfort and talk people out of critical care!
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss!!! I honestly believe that unless someone has felt the pain of a pregnancy/baby loss, they just can't relate. I know I couldn't, the way I can now. Now I can really feel everyone's pain and not just feel sad for them. Does that make sense? Congratulations on your new pregnancy, by the way! I truly wish you all the best with your pregnancy and baby!!!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
March 25th, 2013, 11:07 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,019
A fluke? What the F*&# is a FLUKE? That's NOT something that happens to a baby. It's a friggin fish for crying out loud. I heard that same term when the OB walked in with that god awful paper with the Big Fat 0 for the HB. It's just a Fluke.

I want a REASON. I want a reason for Ame, and Samantha and Susan and everyone else here grieving for their lost babies.

Triplets! My God I can't imagine going through that. I'm so happy for you that you are expecting again. Sending you all the best thoughts and prayers for a healthy pregnancy and delivery!
__________________
Leia 41 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:29 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0