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Hi ladies. Although I'm currently a member of the Oct DDC (knocking on wood, trying hard not to jinx myself), I had 2 back-to-back miscarriages before this pregnancy (at 7 wks and at 9wks... the one at 9 wks was after seeing a baby with a great heart beat!), and I had an early m/c before my first son was born. I still haven't fully accepted that I'm pg now, and I always check in on the loss boards because I feel this is where my heart really is right now. I know you gals are in pain, are angry, and all the things you should be feeling. I'm not going to give you any platitudes or tell you it'll all be fine, just relax, what's meant to be will be, blah blah blah. That crap doesn't help. But I did want to share something that helped me when I was feeling awful about my life and hating everyone else for how seemingly perfect their lives were.
Basically, whenever I'd feel like crap (which was often), I'd remind myself of this: I had a m/c before DS was born. DS is the sweetest, kindest, most awesome kid ever (not that I'm biased or anything). I couldn't imagine my life without DS. But if I hadn't had that first m/c, if my first pregnancy had worked out, then DS wouldn't be in my life. In hindsight, I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Of course I didn't feel that way at the time. But from August through January, when I was suffering from my back-to-back losses, wondering if I'd ever have a healthy baby, I tried to remind myself of that. I kept telling myself: "Someday you WILL have another baby, even if it doesn't seem that way right now. And THAT baby will be your baby. THAT is the baby you will love and cherish, and never want to trade in for anything in the world. One day, you will look back at these miscarriages and realize that if you hadn't miscarried, THIS child wouldn't be here right now. And THIS is your child."
I don't know if sharing that helps you at all, or just makes it worse. I hope I didn't make anything worse. But I just know that repeating that thought to myself over and over again helped me cope with my losses. It didn't make it all better, but it gave me at least a little bit of comfort. I know you ladies will have your rainbow babies or you will somehow have the families you want--whether it's naturally, through medicated cycles, IVF, adoption, or however. I don't know why, but I'm confident of that much. You are all so strong, and many of you have gone through things much worse than I have. You have everyone here for support, and I hope that you are able to heal, recover, and move forward (no, not get over it, but just move forward).
Anyway, I just wanted to share that thought with you all. And I'm so sorry to see all the Oct DDC'ers here.