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Back to normal??


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
April 1st, 2013, 05:26 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Today, I woke up and took my temp for my charting. Then I got up and put on jeans that didn't fit me a few weeks ago. And then I went to work after being out last week.
Back to normal.
Last time I was at work I was 10 weeks pregnant and getting out early for an ultrasound.
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26

Last edited by smsturner; April 1st, 2013 at 05:29 AM.
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  #2  
April 1st, 2013, 05:46 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
How do you feel about all of this right now? Why I'm asking is because I'm curious...I don't feel ok at all. I mean, physically I'm a lot better, but emotionally, I honestly think I'm getting worse. Going back to work next Monday (I teach so I have a longer break thanks to easter vacation) is going to be just aweful. A friend of mine who teaches with me is also pregnant, about 22 weeks along by then. I am trying to be so good about it because we are friends, but it's getting harder and harder to not have those feelings of resentment, anger, etc, kwim?

Me personally, right now I HATE 'normal'...I want to go back to being happy, pregnant and 'special'

So much for being a supportive friend, I'm sorry!!! Sending you HUGS!!!
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  #3  
April 1st, 2013, 06:16 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmomma3 View Post
Me personally, right now I HATE 'normal'...I want to go back to being happy, pregnant and 'special'

So much for being a supportive friend, I'm sorry!!! Sending you HUGS!!!

Don't apologize hun!

That's exactly what I mean... hate even that my jeans fit again. How can I hate fitting back into smaller pants? But I do.

I'm not feeling worse, but not better yet, and it's really hard to come into work. I did tell people here, and they know why I was out. So they are ginger-footed around me, but that makes it worse. Because I can pretend to be back to normal, but I"m not.
I want to be where I was when I left here. Pregnant and excited about another ultrasound...

It would be very hard for me to be pals with a pregnant lady at work too, I'm sorry, that's not helpful either!!
I feel like mega-jerk right now. Yesterday I saw a very shabby looking, very young looking pregnant woman in walmart. She didn't even have her shirt pulled all the way down and her belly was poking out. I just kept thinking, why on earth does SHE deserve to be pregnant and I don't!!?? I know it's mean and awful, but I couldn't help it. I wish I could stop that.
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #4  
April 1st, 2013, 07:32 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
Believe me, I have those thoughts too! Why does that lady deserve to have a kid? Or the homeless lady on the street? Or the one with a dozen kids already? I know, all those thoughts are mean, I know I don't like feeling like this either...

I will write more later...
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  #5  
April 1st, 2013, 08:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,620
I went back to work the day after my D&C.
I went back to cleaning the cat box, the chicken coop, feeding the animals, stockpiling the woodpile, etc, within days - I was almost trying to punish myself with physical work. Most times though, I was just numb and still am some days.

DH caught me sobbing in the shower the other day. There are times when it just catches up with you. I expect it will for a while.
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Leia
Mommy to the most wonderful boy, 8 yrs old.
9/12 at 5wks 3/13 at 11 wks
New Baby Boy Born March 24. Our second miracle!
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  #6  
April 1st, 2013, 09:57 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Oh great. Well I found what's worse than co-workers tiptoeing around.
The curious concerned crowd who gently pokes you for information about where you were last week.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lelila View Post
I went back to work the day after my D&C.
I went back to cleaning the cat box, the chicken coop, feeding the animals, stockpiling the woodpile, etc, within days - I was almost trying to punish myself with physical work. Most times though, I was just numb and still am some days.

DH caught me sobbing in the shower the other day. There are times when it just catches up with you. I expect it will for a while.
I did the cat box this last weekend. Tom offered, but I did it anyway. I cried through the whole thing. I shouldn't be able to do these things. I wanted to stomp and pout and throw a fit.
__________________
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #7  
April 1st, 2013, 03:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,620
Quote:
Originally Posted by smsturner View Post
I did the cat box this last weekend. Tom offered, but I did it anyway. I cried through the whole thing. I shouldn't be able to do these things. I wanted to stomp and pout and throw a fit.
Yes. We shouldn't be able to get near the cat box. We shouldn't be able to drink caffeine. Or fit in regular clothes. Or lift heavy things. Every day it hits harder. I said to my husband yesterday, "It's really over isn't it?" It's only been 4 weeks, you'd think I'd have accepted it by now.
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Leia
Mommy to the most wonderful boy, 8 yrs old.
9/12 at 5wks 3/13 at 11 wks
New Baby Boy Born March 24. Our second miracle!
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  #8  
April 1st, 2013, 04:50 PM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
Quote:
Originally Posted by lelila View Post
Yes. We shouldn't be able to get near the cat box. We shouldn't be able to drink caffeine. Or fit in regular clothes. Or lift heavy things. Every day it hits harder. I said to my husband yesterday, "It's really over isn't it?" It's only been 4 weeks, you'd think I'd have accepted it by now.
I don't know why but I don't think I'll be able to fully accept it until all of my Sept/Oct DDC friends have had their babies and none of them are pregnant anymore. Right now I just keep thinking, they are pregnant and I am not, but I should be just as pregnant as they are! I know if I were to get pregnant again soon, I may feel differently because I'll have something positive to concentrate on, but as of now there is nothing positive...
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