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Lonely.


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  • 1 Post By islandbaby

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  #1  
April 2nd, 2013, 09:57 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
I feel like in the last two weeks, I didn't just lose a baby, I lost about 40 friends from my ddc, and everything fun I had to talk about. People are avoiding me or tiptoe-ing around me.
Everything went from exciting and happy to bummed and sad and lonely. Feeling the low today.
Miss some of the ladies from my ddc, but not wanting to go back there again bcs it's sad.

My mom and my sister got together this weekend for Easter. They didn't invite me bcs they didn't think I was 'up to it'. I would have loved some love and company. What the heck? Aren't they supposed to be my loving supportive family?

Does anyone feel like this? Do you have people avoiding you? When do these hormones go away that make me cry and angry? I'd like to feel ok again now
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #2  
April 2nd, 2013, 10:22 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
Yeah, I feel the same way. I don't know what it is about today, but I feel extra lonely today. I also am wondering where everyone has disappeared to on this board? I know there's not a lot of us who post here, but it seems like less and less people posting here. I know posting here can be sad and depressing too, but I don't feel that way. Actually the opposite because all my friends here know exactly what I am going through and know exactly how I am feeling.

I do have people avoiding me in real life! It makes me sad, upset and angry. I'm sorry your mom and sister didn't invite you over the weekend...that would have upset me too At least they could have called you and talked to you about it before assuming you wouldn't be up for it! I just wish the people who do know about this would talk to me about it, but it's so awkward when they totally try to ignore the subject like it's too painful for them to go there...hello??? How painful do they think it is for me to be actually living this nightmare? Not to mention how sad and neglected it makes me when they ignore me?

I'm sorry At least we all have each other here, right? I don't know what I would do without you all! Sending you lots of hugs!!!
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  #3  
April 2nd, 2013, 12:03 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Actually, I agree, posting here makes me feel better. It's nice to be able to talk and cry with women that understand. I'm sure the feelings on it are mixed to some people. I do wish we had a bigger group for hugs and talking and maybe feeling a little less alone.


I have two groups, one that is tiptoeing around and avoiding me or the subject. And the group that keeps asking me where I was! Ugh.
So I'm just telling people. Let them be uncomfortable. Oh well. If they don't want to know, don't ask. At least people will understand why I'm grumpy and sad and behind on my work.
I'm not a very private person, so I guess that just kind of works for me. It's amazing how many women say they've been there too.
My boss was telling me that she wanted one more baby when she was around 38. She had one miscarriage and then her baby girl when she was 40. Maybe it's silly, but it's kind of nice to hear. And very nice to hear the happy ending stories.
__________________
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26

Last edited by smsturner; April 2nd, 2013 at 12:56 PM.
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  #4  
April 2nd, 2013, 12:18 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Just a though hun, the other loss group, ttc after a loss, has some more traffic and some of the same things we bat around here. I know you haven't decided on whether to try again or not, but it might be worth a poke through it...
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2013, 12:22 PM
MarchMom2007's Avatar Sticky baby wanted!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 3,175
Right there with you. Everyone I see wants to hug and hold me, or runs the other way. The huggers all want to hang on too long and I am just feeling weird and alone when my SO is not here. I miss my DDC so much more than I thought I would. When the last couple of loss threads sunk down to the bottom of the page and then off to page 2 or 3, I stopped checking. I just can't share in their joy in entering their 2nd trimester when I am still bleeding and back to taking my temp every day and wondering when I will finally get my rainbow baby.

It is such a dark place to be and I am so grateful for this loss board. I do wish there were more of us here, and I wish I could post more, but it is all still so fresh and I am having a very hard time coping. I lost a huge amount of blood and am recovering from that too. Know that I am reading all of these posts and am trying to chime in when I can.
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Cautiously expecting a little one sometime in June, and always remembering my 5 little ones that left too soon.
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  #6  
April 2nd, 2013, 01:04 PM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
Quote:
Originally Posted by smsturner View Post
Just a though hun, the other loss group, ttc after a loss, has some more traffic and some of the same things we bat around here. I know you haven't decided on whether to try again or not, but it might be worth a poke through it...
I actually do check that group often as well. Not that I have that much to add to that group, but it comforts me to know that a lot of the ones who post here are also there. Some days it gives me comfort to check in on the ttc after loss board, thinking that one day I'll be there posting and hopeful again and then other times I feel sad because I wonder if I will be at that stage again, ttc....

Thanks for mentioning it and thinking of me though. That means a lot to me!
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  #7  
April 2nd, 2013, 01:13 PM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarchMom2007 View Post
It is such a dark place to be and I am so grateful for this loss board. I do wish there were more of us here, and I wish I could post more, but it is all still so fresh and I am having a very hard time coping. I lost a huge amount of blood and am recovering from that too. Know that I am reading all of these posts and am trying to chime in when I can.
I don't post every day. I do come here every day all day stalking this board and the ttc after loss board so I don't feel so alone. There are days I'm strong enough to be support and give encouragement to others and then there are days when I just don't have the energy from feeling so low, sad, depressed etc. I know there are more that have had losses recently that could post here, but don't or seem to have stopped posting for now and I do wish they would come back and post. It would be beneficial for all of us, I think! I know everyone deals with things differently and coming here may not be the right fit for everyone. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have these boards and my friends here for support. I know I would be even lonelier than I am now Anyway, just meant to say that whenever you are ready to post more, we'll be here for you!!!
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  #8  
April 3rd, 2013, 03:18 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,666
I know how lonely it is after a loss, I missed my ddc so bad, it was like where do I go now. There was basically NO ONE posting here when i was going through my loss.

I try to come and post here because i truly know how you all feel, even though I'm not there right now. Hope you all don't mind me stopping in, I've been worried maybe I shouldn't post here!

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  #9  
April 3rd, 2013, 05:42 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,172
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweety_pie View Post
I know how lonely it is after a loss, I missed my ddc so bad, it was like where do I go now. There was basically NO ONE posting here when i was going through my loss.

I try to come and post here because i truly know how you all feel, even though I'm not there right now. Hope you all don't mind me stopping in, I've been worried maybe I shouldn't post here!

Oh no, please don't ever feel that way about posting here! I, for one, really enjoy your posts and even thought I know you are not here in our situation anymore, it still is comforting to hear from someone who has been through it and for some reason it also makes me personally feel like we haven't been forgotten! So thank you so much for coming back here to hang out with us, for support and advice. It does mean a lot!!!
smsturner likes this.
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  #10  
April 3rd, 2013, 07:17 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweety_pie View Post
I know how lonely it is after a loss, I missed my ddc so bad, it was like where do I go now. There was basically NO ONE posting here when i was going through my loss.

I try to come and post here because i truly know how you all feel, even though I'm not there right now. Hope you all don't mind me stopping in, I've been worried maybe I shouldn't post here!

I love hearing from you. I think it's fantastic to know that you moved on and are in a better place now, and we know that that will be us someday!

And I think it's sweet of you to care enough to come make us feel better. I miss the ddc too. I was checking it four or five times a day. Now there's nothing exciting and fun to post about
__________________
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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