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hello I am 27 and I have recently had a M/C last march and got Pregnant in July of 09 I just had my baby boy on April 14th 2010 and 11 hours later he passed away. i am still waiting on the autopsy report and I am so heart broken, made at the world. I keep wondering what in the world did I do wrong. did I eat something, lift something to heavy, or am I just poison to my own body. I am empty inside right now . I have and amazing husband a very smart beautiful 5 year old and a great family to lean on but every time I look at them or anyone else I feel I have let all of them down like I failed. I was suppose to keep him save and protect my baby and I couldn't. I never got to see him with his eyes open and the only time I got to hold him was when he died in my arms. My question to anyone is have you went through this and if so how did you get through it and were you able to have a healthy pregnancy after that?
I am truly sorry for you loss.
There are a couple ladies on this board that have been in your shoes, hopefully they will respond to you with encouraging stories.
I hope that the autopsy results will give you at least a few answers.
I'm so sorry for your losses. Please don't blame yourself. It is natural to want to know why, and hopefully the autopsy results are helpful, but in these cases it is almost never something YOU did. I have a wonderfully supportive family and a beautiful daughter too....but after three losses, I needed support from people who could understand what I was feeling. That's why I joined these boards (now I'm just here because these women are my friends ). I also eventually had to talk to a counselor. My losses were earlier, but like Katie said, there are women here who've had later losses and gone on to successful pregnancies. I also know that justmommies has a Stillbirth board in a different section. Again, I'm so sorry and I hope that you can find some support here.
I am very deeply sorry for your loss. No one should ever have to know the feeling of loosing a baby. So many of your words are very familiar to me, and I wish I could give a huge hug. I had 20 week loss of twins, so not a full term loss, but they were very loved and very much so missed.
The best way I delt with our loss was to talk talk talk about it. Talk about my babies, talk about my feelings - accept that I loved my babies and at the same time I felt angry, sad, devestated, embarrased (blaming myself), empty, lonely and a little lost.
Time has really helped, along with family support and the support of the girls on JM. This website is truely a blessing.
Also, many women have had losses and go on to deliver beautiful rainbow babies. I hope you stick around. including this forum, there are several support forums that can help you out too. They are full of the nicest and most supportive people.
I am so sorry. I agree with Kelly, you'd be more than welcome on the stillbirth board (click here). There are a couple of other ladies who lost their babies right after birth.
My Cora was stillborn 4 years ago yesterday, and I've gone on to have 2 healthy babies, so it is possible. It's hard not to feel guilty, I think we all do. But it's not your fault. You loved and wanted your baby, and would have done anything for him. Sometimes you can do everything right and still have a bad outcome.
thank you to all of you, My little baby boy was named Jakob Lee. We wanted a strong name for him . I am going to go on to them other sites and pray I can get through this with the help of all you ladies at justmommies I hate it when I am at a store and I see women with 5 kids and pregnant I just break down and cry wondering why can she hall all them babies and I cant. I feel so poisioned so ugly inside and out and I am praying one day I will be me again. because I just sit here and my son wants to play and go do things and I just cant I want to just hide in a box and never come out.