[Fallen2Love]

I'm ready to scream!

4 yr old child, no consistancy at home (both parents work at a resturant alt day and night shifts, the dad has a 2nd job that is typical hours). Most of the time, dad drops child off EARLY (6ish) at a relatives house, then mom picks up and drops her at my house. child tells me how much she hates my house. I have "rest.quiet" time for 3 hours - no exceptions. She hates it and refuses to lay down. Instead she cries the entire time, excuses, tells me how much she hates me/my house, etc I've been patient with her because I know home life is crazy until mom finds a 9-5 job (or normal hour job!). But i'm at my wits end with this stuff - she acts worse then my 2 year old about nap time. And she can pitch a good fit...I expect it from her. But she also says "i didn't sleep good last night" -- I just don't get it! I know kids give up naps, but its always been an expectation of laying down and resting with zero noise. As long as I can remember. Even in 1st grade we had nap mats and expect to lay down for 2 hours after lunch (this was up north). Is it just this generation of kids that just give up naps early? I mean, it is insaine to me that a 2 year old would give up a nap...they still need rest. I don't know maybe I'm wrong. I'm just so fed up with this...because nap is myy chance to do homework and rest and get a breather. Instead days she comes i hear non stop about how horrible I am among other stuff. Oh and to make it more complicated they go to our church. And dad has strictly said "she has to nap." But its not inforced consistantly at home.

[brandimomof2]

I'm ready to scream!

4 yr old child, no consistancy at home (both parents work at a resturant alt day and night shifts, the dad has a 2nd job that is typical hours). Most of the time, dad drops child off EARLY (6ish) at a relatives house, then mom picks up and drops her at my house. child tells me how much she hates my house. I have "rest.quiet" time for 3 hours - no exceptions. She hates it and refuses to lay down. Instead she cries the entire time, excuses, tells me how much she hates me/my house, etc I've been patient with her because I know home life is crazy until mom finds a 9-5 job (or normal hour job!). But i'm at my wits end with this stuff - she acts worse then my 2 year old about nap time. And she can pitch a good fit...I expect it from her. But she also says "i didn't sleep good last night" -- I just don't get it! I know kids give up naps, but its always been an expectation of laying down and resting with zero noise. As long as I can remember. Even in 1st grade we had nap mats and expect to lay down for 2 hours after lunch (this was up north). Is it just this generation of kids that just give up naps early? I mean, it is insaine to me that a 2 year old would give up a nap...they still need rest. I don't know maybe I'm wrong. I'm just so fed up with this...because nap is myy chance to do homework and rest and get a breather. Instead days she comes i hear non stop about how horrible I am among other stuff. Oh and to make it more complicated they go to our church. And dad has strictly said "she has to nap." But its not inforced consistantly at home.[/b]

I would tell parents she doesnt want to nap and what she says to you. I would suggest that they make her take a nap at home as well so its not so difficult for you to get her to nap there. I would tell them that you think it would help her be able to know that she is expected to take a nap or at least lay down and be quiet.

My 3yr old doesnt nap everyday but she does nap. I try to get her to lay down and be quiet even if she doesnt want to sleep. Maybe you could try giving this child books or something and tell her she has to be quiet and no noise or you will take the books away.

[Jewinjuwa]

Here's my 2 cents, based on my experience.

I think 3 hours is too long. If she sleeps for that long, great, but 3 hours to be expected to lay quietly is not age appropriate. I have a 3 year old that I watch who doesn't like naps and I have a 1 hour lay-down policy. What I do with him is let him sit on his bed with a book for 30 minutes while I get my own DS and the other kids to sleep during that time and after I'm done I go tend to him. I usually sit with him for 15-20 minutes or so, I start out patting his back for a couple minutes, then I just sit there and do my daily paperwork. At first, he wouldn't fall asleep so I'd get up and go about my naptime business and leave him be. After one hour, I would let him up to read books until the others woke up. Now that I've changed the cots from a back association to a good one though, he usually falls asleep while I sit there. For him, he saw those beds and got upset and couldn't fall asleep. Now that it's a nice, comfy, relaxing place, he does really well.

Have you asked how much sleep she's getting at night? Kids that age only need 12-15 hours a day of sleep, so if she's sleeping that long at night, she may not need naps anymore. I know of several kids who have given up naps at 2ish because they got enough sleep at home. If she is getting enough sleep, you may be able to suggest to the parents that they put her to bed and hour or so later so she will nap at your house and not frustrate either of you any more.

[Fallen2Love]

I don't expect her to sleep a whole 3 hours...but I know she's not getting enough sleep at night and her body is telling her she NEEDS to sleep. I do give her books or puzzles (today I had her sit in the book area and just read), but she still jumps around, talks loudly, or otherwise ends up waking up the kids who DO need to nap 3 hours. I have another child, who the slightest noise or movement will keep her awake. I've set a timer and let her hold onto it and if she can "rest" until the timer goes off she can do a craft activity (I normally don't get out paint unless its one on one...and she LOVES to paint, color and cut..so I'll pull out that stuff special for her). I would THINK, since she LOVES the crafts she'd be more motivated to lay down until all the kids are in a deep sleep.

And what gets me, is religiously come 5 o'clock she's well over tired. Another child LOOKING at her, sets off a good 10 minutes of crying. Today, 2 of the kids were making animal sounds in another room and she didn't like it. Then, when grandpa came to pick her up (in the middle of one of these about cleaning up) he just "looked" at her and she said "yes sir, I will go clean up." Ok - what is the trick? I mean, this is why I get so frustrated with 3-5s. AM I just too much of a softy? Am I doing something wrong? Seriously! I am never a fan of "forcing" sleep, but if I know a child needs it I really encourage them to sleep. I'm going to keep trying. It's got to get better the more she comes right? Maybe its just me? By the time she comes at 1230, i'm ready to just rest myself. To sit quietly for 30 minutes and do some planning for another 30 minutes. Another child in the morning, just tests my patience every single day (2 yr old I mentioned before).

I swear I'm not always complaining! Maybe I'm just burning out? I'm really looking forward to my internship in January to be able to have afternoons totally and completely kid free! I mean, I'm trilled! I can go to the grocery store, or other errands, or do laundry and fold it, or do homework uninterupted! So maybe that will help the other 3 days when I have kids.

[Jewinjuwa]

First off, I just re-read your original post. Somewhere in my brain, I thought we were talking about a 2 year old and I was wrong.

If she's getting enough sleep, and she needs a nap (which I don't doubt at all), then I'm at a loss. What time is your naptime? Maybe you could move it back by 30 minutes or an hour? Do you do lots of high-activity things in the morning? Maybe she's just not worn out enough.

I really don't know. I've had plenty of kids who fought naps, but mostly because they were just too old. Let me think on it a bit more tonight.

[Fallen2Love]

Its a 4 year old child.

She either comes here at 615 or at 1230. If she comes at 615, she will go to sleep on her own. She doesn't go to sleep until late then is up early. I want to say she goes into her room at 9, but plays until she just crashes. If she comes here at 1230 its a nightmare.

Nap is typically 1 to 330. I do put one child down to nap at 12 (she asks to nap at that time). The other children, I let them watch Word World and Super Why until 1pm (only TV they watch all day here). My daughter goes to sleep right away, another 2 year old it takes her awhile to fall asleep. Typically she'll be asleep by 130-2 (reads books for awhile then rolls over and goes to bed). So it just leaves the 4 year old. The problem I can see is that the 2 yr old reading bothers the 4 year old. The 2 yr old is doing NOTHING to disturb anybody else and minds her own business.

I do high energy activities with the kids in the morning. BUT because the 4 year old doesn't come until 1230, I think she is just slugging around all morning. I'm just not sure what the answer is to that. Because its not like I can take her to the playground or get her engaged in play to wear her out without gearing up the other kids - who by this point are melting down.
We'll see how today goes, but typically early days are fine. It is the late days I have a lot of struggles with her. Granted I only have an hour of quiet I need to keep her entertained and quiet for instead of 2.5-3 hours.

[Jewinjuwa]

Ew, I can't stand when kids come that late. It sounds like the best answer is getting her there early so she can be in on the day and you know that she's had some activity.

It's a stinky situation, for sure.

[Fallen2Love]

Well, she's come in the morning and will ask to lay down and sleep. But come nap time she becomes a monster. I mean total and complete melt down. I let her stay up and paint after the other kids went to sleep. I gave her a stack of paper, I said "when your done with this paper it is time to lay down and have quiet time." She was done with the paper in about 30 minutes, so I said "alright its quiet time." Screaming, having a tandem, pouting, crying, falling on the floor! The child if four years old! This is the bheavior I don't get. Then, when She finnally pouts her way to laying down, after saying "I don't want to" and me telling her "its not a choice." She did lay down but started playing cat! Licking her foot, rubbing her head with her foot, I video'ed it with my phone to show to mom/dad if necessary. I'm just dumb founded. I just put my finger over my lips, she saw it and laid down. Only for 5 minutes later, to be playing something else on the mat. I mean this is just bizarre. I mean, she is a good kid -- until it becomes that nap/rest/quiet time. I think its the nap word that gets her. But if I say quiet time to the others it means they don't have to sleep, if I say nap they lay right now. So how can I desensitize her to the word? Also she rubs it into the other kids. "I'm not going to take a nap but your a baby so you need to take a nap." I don't say anything unless one of the kids gets upset, and normally say "some kids need to sleep in the middle of the day but everybody needs a time to rest and be quiet in the middle of the day."