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  Subscribe To Recurrent Loss Graduates Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 1st, 2010, 10:59 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 5,740
I thought it would be good to put an open ended conversation in here as well. I know that as mother's of rainbow babies (or pre storm babies) there are sometimes fears and such we feel are inappropriate to talk about too much on the general board out of respect for our mommies who are still rainbow babyless.

I think we've talked about survivor guilt before, but let's do it again anyways to get the conversation going. Do you ever feel like you have to justify your rainbow babies to people? Do you feel you need to make it known how hard you had to fight to get your rainbow so that people won't lump you in with the people who have no problems having babies? Does that even make sense?
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  #2  
December 1st, 2010, 03:05 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do at times, but usually people get it, especially when I say this is my tenth pregnancy and I have two living children.
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  #3  
December 1st, 2010, 05:26 PM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well that will certainly get the message across! Sometimes it can be hard for us because it can seem like we're in no man's land. We are still and will always be RPL girls. No amount of children can take away the losses we've all experienced. But it can be hard to talk to normal mothers who haven't had to battle for their babies as we have. There's so much I feel that they don't get. Most normal moms don't understand being crazy over protective of their children. Or why it's so important for us to get everything right with our kids. I feel that because I've been given this awesome gift I never felt I'd have, I have to make this amazing person come from it to prove to God that I did deserve this. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. Lol.

Anyways, point is it can feel hard to fit into any spectrum except the RPL Graduate spectrum.
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #4  
December 1st, 2010, 06:59 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I completely get what you are saying!! A lot of the parents at Abbi's school think she is an awesome, super well mannered, and well behaved kiddo. At the same time they comment on how strict I am about her behavior and manners and how I drive her on most field trips if they aren't using the small bus with the car seats. I just want to smack them!!!
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  #5  
December 15th, 2010, 07:15 AM
DawnN's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: IL
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Once in awhile, I feel like I have to justify my overprotectiveness...lol

But I do find myself sharing a lot because of my hubby's and my age. We had 13 years of infertility before finally being able to even conceive...then losing two before Sarah and then 3 after her before finding out what was causing the losses. Hubby and I have been married 20 years and have three small children.

I also like to share because I want people to know my testimony and that there is hope for them as well.

As far as guilt...I sometimes feel guilty if people ask how many children I have and I don't feel like going into my normal explanation of 3 this side of Heaven. Sometimes I just don't want to share and that makes me feel guilty. I'm not looking for sympathy and there are some people that would just give you the "look", kwim?
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  #6  
December 15th, 2010, 08:49 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm the same way. If it comes up in a conversation that is already about losses or infertility, I'll share my story. But for some reason I feel like if people ask me how many kids I have and I always have to explain that I have one living, plus lost one at 16 weeks and had two early ones...I don't know, it seems like TMI unless someone asks specifically. I also kind of feel like it takes away from Grace, like I have one living but I also have 3 deceased. Does that make any sense? Lol.
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