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It all began Friday 10-19-07. I went in for my original check-up that was scheduled with my OB at 12 noon. After sitting about 30-45 minutes in the waiting room they finally called me in. The assistant took my BP and right away it was high.. 178|94 My BP has NEVER been that high before so of course that freaked me out, mainly due to the 2 previous visits I had with my OB that resulted in me going to the hospital to be monitored for Pre-E. So.. the results of my urine come back and again they find protien. My doctor gives me that look and tells me to gather my things and head into the hospital to be induced. At this point I was scared ######less. This is my first baby and most likely will be my last (not by my choice, DF .. finances, grrr ) and I so badly wanted to go naturally. Not even for the above mentioned reasons but because I was afraid of her coming too soon; not coming when she was ready herself.
So I get out of the doctors office, begin balling my eyes out (couldn't do that inside because I'd of looked like a fool in there.. ) and called my DF at work giving him the news. After going back to the house and gathering a few things, jumping in the shower and just trying to relax we finally made our way out the door. I grabbed a bite to eat on the drive to the hospital because I wasn't sure how long it'd be til I would be able to eat again.
We arrive at 3pm, I get admitted and they take me to my room. I get undressed and jump in to their gown and get comfy in their craptastic bed!
In the meantime DF is telling me to get my clothes back on and to go home.. he didn't want me being induced. He wanted it natural too. He didn't believe I had Pre-E, but all the nurses and my doc kept telling me otherwise. My BP was raised in the hospital - I wonder if it was due to nerves/stress because I was everything BUT calm. It really bothered me tho because I didn't want to be there either. I kept thinking to myself, "Do I listen to my doctor/nurses or listen to my heart/DF?" I chose the professionals. I was scared. I didn't want anything to happen to my baby.
At 5pm one of the doctors at the hospital (she said she was a midwife) came in and checked me. I was 1cm, 50% effaced. She then did something where she stretched my cervix and made me 2cm. That hurt!!! She then said she was going to insert a pill that would help my cervix thin out. I forget the name.. but I had to wait 4 hours before they checked me again to see if it worked any. During these next 4 hours nothing is happening. No contrax - just boredom sitting in for being at the hospital.
Finally 9pm rolls around and she comes in to check me. Nothing changed. She then strips my membranes. That hurt like HELL. I could have kicked her head off literally. She inserts another pill and would check on me at 1am. I started becoming uncomfortable. For one thing the bed hurt like hell. My back and my bum were so sore I wanted to scream. DF and I were asking the nurse if we could just go home at this point. Nothing was happening. She said we should wait to see what happened at the next check.
1am rolls around. NOTHING!!!!! This baby wasn't wanting to come out just yet. At this point DF is getting REALLY pissy and wants us to go home. I started by this time getting contractions. They were very mild. We talked to them and they said they'd call my OB and see what he suggested. He said I should stay but it wasn't up to him. It was a hard decision to make because I didn't want to go against DF but I also didn't want to go home and have to head back in because of the ##### they already gave me aside from the fact that now I was having contractions. I decided against my DF. Said I'd stay.. I didn't want to do through the stripping, tugging, inserting, just general violation of my goods again, I wanted this baby out and in my arms. Plus I didn't want the IV again because it hurt like hell when they put it in! After I agreed to stay they said they'd let me rest and would check on me again.
Around 3am DF decides to head home to get some sleep because we weren't certain how soon baby would come. He was going to head into work that morning because with me being out (bedrest the last few weeks) our income took a huge hit. So he went. I cried. I didn't want to be alone.
Not even 5 minutes after he left the doctor and nurse come in my room and start the pitocin. GREAT! Now I am ALONE and the pain is just now beginning to get uncomfortable. No back rubs, no wet cloths, no massages, nothing but me sitting there - alone.
5:45'ish A.M. they come back to my room, check me again and still NO CHANGES!!! I am having contractions on my own so they took me off the pitocin. They were come every 2-3 minutes, mild. The doctor broke my water. What a WIERD feeling! It actually was relaxing, felt pretty good after all that I was feeling up to this point. Then they inserted internal monitors in me. That was annoying and hurt as well but nothing compared to earlier when she about tore me in half from the inside out *kicks head off!!!!*. They told me they would keep any eye on me and to try and relax.
I think I slept all of 20 minutes. I was sooooo dead tired but the contractions were very strong and very close. 1-3 minutes, lasting anywhere from 30-60 seconds each. I managed to breath through them and try to relax.
8am they are intense. Very painful. I feel sick to my stomach. My nurse came in and put something in the IV to help me relax (nerves) but it did nothing for the pain.
9am still instense, they're not subsiding. I phoned my DF and said forget work and get up to the hospital - I needed his support because I was in sooooo much pain. The nurse asked me if I wanted any pain relief, i.e., epidural. Originally I was going to stay away from it but by this time, after all I went through I said YES PLEASE NOW!!! My fear of the needle.. gone. I was crying non-stop for the last 2 hours the contractions hurt so bad. I figured the epidural couldn't possibly be any worse.
10am rolls around. Waiting for the anesthesiologist. My nurse comes in along with a doctor. They're talking amongst themselves and I hear something about I am showing signs I migh go into a siezure!? ***!? I am now scared even more. They tell me they're calling my doctor. Not even a few minutes later they come back into the room (by this time DF had arrived) and tell me I will be going in for a c-section. Just as they are telling me this the anesthesiologist gets to the room ready to give me the epidural. They tell him to hold off because I would now be getting a spinal block within a half hour.
I had no time to think, to absorb what was going on. Everything seemed to be happening sooo fast. My nurse gave me some pills to take because of stomach acid or something and to chase it with a shot of something so incredibly bitter and gross I wanted to throw up. I was freezing cold, shaking, chills, teeth chattering, scared out of my mind.
Finally my doctor arrived and they wheeled my bed down to the OR. Once in the room they moved me to the table. I was petrified. The anesthesiologist was VERY comforting tho. He talked me through it and said all would be ok, not to worry. I leaned forward as was told and he began the spinal. To my surprise, it didn't hurt ONE bit. It felt like nothing really.
Once the spinal kicked in.. wow, what a feeling. So wierd. It scared me because I could feel the top half of my chest (boobies) but the bottom half were numb. I started to panic some. My breathing felt short but again the anesthesiologist said not to worry that I was fine and it was very normal what I was feeling. Finally DF was allowed in the room after they got everything setup for the surgery. He sat down next to me and held my hand the entire time. It was wierd because the anesthesiologist said that the doctor had already started and I didn't even realize it. After about 8 minutes or so they said for DF to stand and take a look. He seen my doctor pull my beautiful baby out from my tummy. All I could do was watch his face and the reaction he had was just priceless, he was in awe, it was sooo wonderful. I heard her first cry which made me cry. I was overjoyed I started to panic again that I couldn't breathe. One of the assistants offered something to calm me down but warned me that it would most likely make me forget anything that happened in the room - I turned that down right away. I would have hated myself forever had I done that.. I never ever want to forget that moment. Was the best moment of my life
DF came back to sit with me while they cleaned the baby up and while they began putting me back together. I was thinking how I felt like the game 'operation' or 'mr. potato head'..
They gave Lindsay to her daddy finally. My first look at her as he sat to the right side of me. She was/is absolutely GORGEOUS! We couldn't have been anymore blessed. Again, seeing DF look down at his little girl just had me in all sorts of emotional loops. Me looking at her.. I wanted so badly to hold her but I was still being operated on and strapped down (arms off to each side).. I had to wait until I was sent to the recovery room.
Finally!!! They finished, transfered me to another bed and carted me to recovery. They brought me my baby girl for the first time. She is the most beautiful being on the planet! She is my miracle baby (I thought I wasn't able to have children - tried for many years) and now here she is.. in my arms, so precious, so sweet, just perfect!!!!
We had to wait out a bit longer in the recovery room because I was waiting on a private room. I knew I'd be sore and didn't want to share a room with anyone at all.. I know, I am mean. But I like my privacy!
My family asked me if I would do it over again and without a second thought I answered yes. Even tho I was sooo scared and in sooo much pain and having to go through all the hurt/labor and finally ending in something that could have just happened to begin with.. well, the end result is far greater than the journey there.
I sit now just looking at her and cry because I am so happy. I can't believe still that I am a mommy and she is now 1 week and 1 day old! She is such a great baby. I never knew a love so sweet such as the love I have for her even existed. It takes my breath away just thinking about it. I know that I would do anything for this little being without a second thought.
I miss her when I put her in her bassinet. I missed her when I was in the doctors office all of 10 minutes getting my staples removed... I am so in love with my little babe I can't stand to be even 2 feet from her
I just hope I can handle it when I have to go back to work... gah, I wish I didn't have to work and could be a SAHM