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Hi ladies, I dont know if any of you remember me, its been so long since I have been on this board. I was wondering if it was okay if I came back? Im sad to say me and Addi were doing so good and then everything all fell apart. I am sad to say I got pregnant and made the choice to end it. I hope nobody judges me for that. Although I know it is no excuse the dad was crazy and harrassing and stalking me and my family and I couldnt see bringing a child into a life like that. I was honestly scared he was going to end up hurting me after I left him. Since April me and Addi's father have been back together but even since then I have done so many things wrong, still the premarital sex, drinking, and even experimentig with drugs, just stuff that is totally not ME. I think inside I was so upset with myself for ending the pregnancy and so mad for what I had let myself turn into that I was just letting the devil roam freely in my life. About a month ago though I had a revelation I guess you could say. I have been making so many changes to my life, we found an awesome church in our town called Faith Bible Church. Its an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. I am surrounding myself with God and for the first time in my life I have let him take utter and complete control. Everything seems to be going so good now, I know the things I have done in my life were horrible, but I truly believe God has forgiven me for everything, even ending the pregnancy. The only thing is that Dusty is still not willing to give up the other things (I will say I wasnt addicted to the things I tried, I only merely tried a few of the things he was doing, not hard drugs but still things I shouldnt have been doing non-the-less) He has made it clear to me that he wants no more children, and always seems to find a way to remind me, or happen to mention, that he never wants to get married to anyone, ever. It just breaks my heart, he is upset because I might have to have my implanon taken out. Which means no more sex. But he is so obsorbed in himself that he doesnt even realize that I havent allowed us to have sex in over a month. I want to get married, and although it sounds crazy I believe that the problems I have had with every birth control I have tried is God telling me that I shouldnt be using it. I want to wait until I am married to have sex again, and when I am I want to have as many children as God wants me to have. Its up to Him, not me. I just keep praying that Dusty sees the light.Sorry for all the babbling. Is it okay if I join you again?
Of course it's okay to join us again... I wish you would have never left! I'm sorry about the abortion. I'm going to be honest since you brought it up but I have known about it for a while now but I never mentioned it b/c I know that must have been a tough decision for you & I also thought that you would tell us when/if you decided the time was right. I know your baby is up in heaven right now waiting on you, as is mine (I had a m/c a little over a month ago).
I'm glad you are turning to God once again & I hope your relationship with Him grows stronger & stronger by the day (BTW, if you would like a Bible study recomendation I LOVED Beth Moore's Believing God study. It brought me so much closer to God... LifeWay: Beth Moore : Believing God). I wish you nothing but the very best & I hope you do get married & have lots & lots of babies some day! I know that no matter what you future holds, God will carry you through!
BTW, do you still work at that bank you used to work at? How has it been?
I'm new here myself. I'm so sorry about the baby. I hope that you are getting the support you need to need to go through the restoration process (I think that's what IFB call it?) after such a decision. As long as you are sucking air- it is never too late to come back to Christ- no matter what you've done. It isn't our position to judge- particularly someone who has "confessed". I admire your openness and willingness to be honest about it. We can pray and confess our sins privately to God and receive forgiveness, but unless we bring them out into the light we can't fully heal, because we allow the devil to shame us in our darkness.
I was going to suggest another Beth Moore book- Get out of that Pit I think it's called. About Dusty- as hard as you try- we can't force someone to come to God. I think the best thing you can do for him is to pray for him, but also pray for yourself for guidance- is this the relationship He wants you to be in? Where you feel led, and what he has said he does and doesn't want are two different things.
Last edited by m.and.a; August 9th, 2009 at 07:46 PM.
I am so sorry about all you've been through recently. Sometimes it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and we do things we wouldn't normally think of doing - we're all guilty of it. God forgives and will take us back! I'll be praying for you and for your relationship with Dusty. I think it is the right decision for you to wait to have sex again until you are married. Chris and I had premarital sex and after we became engaged we made the decision to wait until we got married to have sex again and went through some premarital counseling through church. It was really helpful!
Thank you so much *Kiliki* for another amazing siggy!
Have you ever heard of Steve Arterburn? He's the founder of New Life Ministries. I heard him speak at the Women of Faith conference in DC last year. When he was younger, he pressured his pregnant girlfriend to have an abortion. I don't know if he offers any support services to those who've made similar decisions, but his ministries have a lot of support services, for marriages, rehab, teenage girls... etc. He has a radio show- although I've never listened to it, so can't recommend it one way or another. I've only ever heard wonderful things about his ministries.
Welcome back. I for one would never judge you for having a abortion nor I do not believe anyone would here either. The ladies here are wonderful. Giving God control is the best thing you can do. Its not easy at all. In the last week or so I have given my marriage that is following apart to God. It was not easy but almost instantly I felt a sense of relief and starting looking at things diffrently. I am starting to have a closer walk with God. I went close to ten years away from God and I forgot how awesome it is to be close to God. Just remember that God loves you and it sounds like you are on the right path.