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Ladies, I know I'm asking for lots of prayer, but I have another request. Emotionally I am torn.
The day before we were admitted, a friend of ours from CHOC lost her daughter, Natalie. Natalie was a beautiful girl who Joey loved, and she always took time to play with Joey while me and her mom would talk, the times we met up. The news of her passing, really hit me hard, and the timing sent me into a world of panic. The cancer didn't get her, it was an infection that took her life. And Joey's going to have NO immune system very soon, so we are scared.
Joey was placed back on contact isolation. Possibly for 3 months, maybe even 6. However I raised concern that the sample wasn't taken properly and they are retesting him. But I ended up in the ER last night because I am allergic to the gowns used for isolation. The problem is I was told if I do not follow precautions to an exact, they will transfer his care elsewhere (2 hours away) and I'm scared that me not being able to wear the typical iso gowns (I am wearing something, just not what they prefer) they will still make us transfer (I do have a docs note though).
I am struggling with my addiction right now. I have 8 years clean, and have never looked back and thought about using again (and I won't) but those addictive tendencies I have are back, and that scares me. I won't use and I won't drink again, but the fact that it has crossed my mind to drink reminds me that I am way to close to relapsing into that life again, and its way too easy to go from alcohol to other stuff (don't worry, I don't give myself any oportunity to drink, and I refuse to even allow a sip, and I refuse to even consider the notion of using drugs again either). Please pray these thoughts leave me.
Finally, I miss my other kids terribly. I spoke with them yesterday, and spent an hour crying after. I sorta feel I am letting them down, even though I know what I am doing needs to be done.
They are sending psych in today to talk with me and help me work through emotions, and I don't trust psych (due to issues with my dad) but frankly, I am batting depression right now and I am battling some issues that I thought I had overcome. Satan is attacking every aspect of my life right now, and I am struggling to stay firmlt rooted, which is a daily battle. Please pray for me during all of this...
Absolutely talk to psych. And fill the prescriptions they give you! And take them. Seriously. I've been where you are, and it sucks. I wasn't allergic to the gowns, but I was pissed that people told me how and when and with what I could touch my baby. It's a very very tough situation. You'll certainly pray for you.
Traci, you are such a strong woman and such a wonderful mother. I'm so sorry that you are battling these demons at a time like this. I have been keeping you and Joey and your family in our prayers, and I will continue to do so. It sounds like you need as much praying as you can get these days. Please continue to stay strong and remember that the Lord will help you.
__________________ Joanna wife, mother, blogger, support group leader, perpetually behind on laundry
Thanks ladies. Today (well technically yesterday) was better. It helps that they are finally providing Joey with things he enjoys like puzzles (the cute wooden ones), coloring projects, fingerpaints, etc... as well as no longer fighting me about me and him co-sleeping and me wanting to be told what they are giving him before they give it (med wise)