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  #1  
November 27th, 2010, 08:47 PM
C&K'sMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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with just about everything actually. I haven't been able to get myself and the girls to church lately, so I'm popping in here. I hope that's okay. Really just words of advice needed. Faith isn't the problem. I was raised an Atheist and married one. My beliefs are strong, but I'm struggling to be a good anything right now.

My husband is a soldier. I knew what I signed up for when I married him, and I'm really not complaining about it. He deployed the first time a couple months after DD#1 was born. During that deployment we found out something was wrong with her. November 12, 2010 we got our most recent diagnosis, and it's not a particularly good one. I mean the likely prognosis isn't good, but we have all the reason in the world to believe she'll beat everything they say she'll never do, although it looks like her chances of ever being "typical" (that's the new word for "normal" apparently) is not promising. DD#2 was a surprise. I love her to death and wouldn't trade her for anything, but especially with this new diagnosis I feel like I may not be able to meet both my children's needs. I mean I'm their mother. I WILL find a way, but it's SO hard and I just don't know how I'll do it.

To top that off we just found out that DH is deploying again. He heads off soon to continue training and them shortly after he comes home from that, he gets on a plane overseas. I went through our last hospital stay alone and got this diagnosis alone. I know God is always with me, but I just don't feel strong enough to do all of what needs to be done without help.

Sorry to drop by and dump this all out. I'm still adjusting to this new diagnosis, and though most days are really good, the bad ones feel really bad. I know if I step into church I'm going to start bawling. I trust God and know this is the plan for my family, but I don't understand why it has to be such a hard one for my sweet little girl.

We were stationed at our current base because DH isn't able to deploy out of here. The Army up and changed their minds 2 years early and is stationing him somewhere else and sending him away... I feel cheated.

I know I'm doing this backwards, but since I'm dumping my bigger problems in here, I should probably introduce myself. I'm Alycia. I'm 25 (barely ) and the mama to two BEAUTIFUL little girls. My big girl, Carrie, turned 3 in October and my baby, Katie, is turning 1 in Jan. Carrie is special needs. DH is Chris. We've been married 4.5 years (married after meeting him only 3 days prior). I'm a SAHM and scrapbook in ALL my spare time (which has been very little lately). Life is good most of the time. DH and I have recently been through our own little storm and made it out the other side... dealing with that and dealing with the mess that is the medical community in regard to Carrie is really hard. My friends have always told me how strong I am for the way I handle things, but lately I feel like a puddle of tears. I know that's not what's best for my girls, but I'm not good at the "light at the end of the tunnel" thinking. Any advice, thoughts or prayers would be much appreciated.
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  #2  
November 27th, 2010, 11:48 PM
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I have no advice, but I offer *hugs*. You, your daughters and your DH will be in my prayers.
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  #3  
November 28th, 2010, 04:18 AM
~InHisHands~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You have a lot on your plate.

I assume you live somewhere where there's not a lot of family around to help out. If that's true, I def think you need a church & a church family to lean on, to help you, & to guide you in God's truth & to support & encourage you. We weren't created to be alone... we were created to NEED each other & you really NEED to go to church... even when you don't feel like it. Not saying that's the reason you haven't been but I know how easy it is to let despair & depression get you low enough to not want to go. Even when you don't feel like it... GO & sing praises to the Lord (that's actually Biblical BTW... You can see the Bible study I got that from as well as a little about MY IF struggle - http://www.justmommies.com/forums/18064429-post4.html (I am struggling...)). Right now you need to be as close to God as you can so that HE can carry you through this & He will... the Lord is Sufficient! There's a difference between knowing it in your head & knowing it in your heart. My testimony on the Lord's sufficiency, if you care to read... Galatians 4:22-23: ♥ The Lord is Sufficient ♥. I'm not trying to compare my IF to your situation really. They're different yet this is what is getting you down while IF is my "cross to bear," so to speak. And it has been IF that the Lord has taught me so many lessons 7 these lessons I have learned through IF are what I have to draw from.

I have found that Bible studies keep me close to God & I can tell a difference if I ever stop doing them for a day or 2... I'm down in the dumps but I fervently seek God on a daily basis b/c w/o Him I would be so depressed. He has given me an AWESOME church family to lean on who encourage me when I get down. I don't think I could be in such a happy or peaceful place about my situation w/o them. It's not always easy to find those people in your life but God will lead the way. I'm sorry I'm rambling so much so I'm gonna shut up now.

But before I do, I'm Amanda! Oh & feel free to add yourself/family to our anniversary/birthday stickie above. I'm saying a prayer for you right now.
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  #4  
November 28th, 2010, 06:38 AM
Mami's Avatar Christian Parent
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Welcome here. I'm Melissa, married to Daniel and SAHM to Daniel & Jocelyn.

I really have anymore added advice because I think Amanda covered it. I know its hard but you cant do this alone.

Hugs and sending prayers your way!
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  #5  
November 28th, 2010, 01:27 PM
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I am so sorry for everything you are going through. A military family life is tough enough, then throw in deployments and illness and its just plain stressful. Prayers for you and your family.
Something that I was told today in Church that might help is to stay close to God no matter what, He will lead us through it. So I would say read your bible, even when you don't want to, pray even when its hard and go to church. I had many mornings that I went to church and cried. But I felt better afterwards. Welcome to the board.
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  #6  
November 28th, 2010, 03:15 PM
C&K'sMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks. Amanda, I didn't think you were rambling at all. I haven't' been able to get to church lately because of traveling and such. I love being there and it absolutely does help. I find that the first week after coming home is too hard on Carrie to be left in the childcare area, but we all enjoy it and I go as much as I can get us all there. We've been out of town a lot in the last month or so and will a lot until the beginning of the year. That's why I came here. I found this church only a few months ago and I love it. I love getting involved with the outreach that we do and I love the body of people there. I just can't make it as often as I need lately.
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  #7  
November 29th, 2010, 07:33 AM
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Hi and welcome to the board. I am glad you found us down here. I have to say you have two beautiful girls.

My board name is Mattiez and we are a military family too for, way too long. It sounds like you have a lot going on. The military life is tough and deployment...well.... just stink. I am sorry you got another deployment surprised on you guys. There are very few jobs or bases that are exempt from deployment now-a-days.

My advice is pretty much what the other ladies have said. Don't even try to go it alone. Even though hubby won't be there reach out and get support where ever you can. Family is always a good place to start. Can Mom, Dad, Sister, brother cousin, best friend (yea, they are like family) be able to help you out at the start of the deployment. Maybe come stay with you for a while or maybe go stay with parents for a while. Usually the first month or so of a long deployment seems to be the roughest while you get settled in a routine and figuring out a way to just make it through the day. I am assuming he is Army and this is going on a 12 month deployment?

First off don't feel you have to be strong or put on an appearance for your friends and family. Go ahead and allow your self to have a good eye-bawling, nose-blowing, tissue-using cry. Lord knows I have had my share. It really is good for the soul. Once you get that all out of your system you may find it much easier to move on to the next step.

Next reach out to your community. It is great to hear that you have found a church that you enjoy and your girls enjoy going to. Reach out to them and let them help you if you need it. If you church is a larger one you might need to get into some sort of small group to become more connected to the people in the church. Such as bible study, choir, Sunday school, volunteer in the nursery, or any thing that allows you to get to know a core group of people.

Are you living on base or off base? The reason I ask is that usually on base there is a wide variety of support groups for the deployed spouses, special needs children, preschool children, mom groups etc. Look around and see what you can find. Even just weekly play groups are a great outlet and support.

I can't be much help with the Tricare system. I know it can be very frustrating and complicated at times. Find you a good health benefit advisory and a good doctor to help you through all the bells and whistles.

For deployments. Try to break them into smaller amounts of time. Maybe count of each month or maybe have little rewards for you and your girls at different milestones along the way. It just makes it easier to handle than looking at the whole thing as one big chunk.

I am not trying to take you away from this board but please feel free to check out the Military Mommies board. Ladies there have a lot of knowledge of the Tricare system and have been through deployments or are going through deployment right now. They are a wealth of information and support.

Most of all keep on praying and leaning on God because it is not your strength that will carry you through, it is His. It is totally fine to through up your hands and say, "Lord I don't know how to do this, You are going to have to show me how."

I will be praying for you and your family and let us know how everything is going.
Mattiez
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  #8  
November 29th, 2010, 08:53 AM
C&K'sMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks I'm actually one of the few who LOVE Tricare. We've had our issues, but in the end we've been to 19 different docs at 5 different hospitals and 10 different specialties, and we've paid $7 TOTAL in medical bills.

Chris will be catching the middle of the deployment, the post he's PCS'ing to is mid deployment right now. He'll only be gone 6 months (he was gone 12 the last deployment and 13 the one before that), but he's been training, so the whole length of him being gone will reach a year, with only a couple weeks of him home (very reminiscent of a 12 month deployment ) We moved here because it's a training base and he was going to be a BOLC instructor which is non-deployable, but the Army decided to put him in a different unit and move him again... we were gypped on the situation, especially since he re-enlisted for that job and they conned him out of it.

The breaking it down is the only way I survive all the time he's gone. I can only live month to month, each month I get through is a victory
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  #9  
December 2nd, 2010, 10:18 AM
Mattiez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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we've been to 19 different docs at 5 different hospitals and 10 different specialties, and we've paid $7 TOTAL in medical bills.

That's fantastic. Tricare really does come through in a tough situation.
Thank God they are already 1/2 way through the deployment.
(((HUGS)))
Mattiez
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  #10  
December 2nd, 2010, 02:35 PM
C&K'sMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattiez View Post
we've been to 19 different docs at 5 different hospitals and 10 different specialties, and we've paid $7 TOTAL in medical bills.

That's fantastic. Tricare really does come through in a tough situation.
Thank God they are already 1/2 way through the deployment.
(((HUGS)))
Mattiez
That is SO true. I know many people hate tricare, but I'm grateful for them. The only reason we even paid the whopping $7 was because her seizure meds weren't in stock at the time on post and I wanted it flavored.
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  #11  
January 9th, 2011, 04:26 PM
~InHisHands~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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How are you doing???
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