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  #1  
August 30th, 2012, 03:30 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 400
I don't even know what to do anymore. We've been married 8 years and still don't have a "good" marriage. To be honest, if I had somewhere to go, I think I would've left a long time ago. I'm not happy anymore with him. I gave up trying to talk to him because he NEVER apologizes for what he does becaus he never thinks he's wrong. I don't believe he is honest to me so that is a major thing. Everytime I pray, it gets worse so I sadly have mostly given up on praying. I know there is a God and that he sent His son but in regards to Him wanting to be happy, I don't believe. Not sure why I posted this exactly....
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  #2  
August 30th, 2012, 04:21 PM
mamaginger's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 1,305
Marriage is hard and it has seasons. You don't always "feel" the love. The whole reason we make vows before God, our family, our friends and one another to love in good times and bad, sickness and health, rich or poor...etc....is because it TAKES a vow to do that. You won't feel the love when sickness, financial stress or other bad things are happening. The world will tell you that you "deserve happiness" and that if you aren't "in love" anymore that you should get a divorce. I couldn't disagree more based on God's word. Of course God desires for us to be happy and have good relationships. What makes us unhappy or have relationship problems? Selfishness and Sin. It's never one-sided. I can sit here and point out all of my husband's short-comings and pretend I don't have any but that would be a lie. I can't change my husband. I can only become a better wife. I can only pray and try to have meaningful discussions about my feelings WITHOUT being in the middle of a fight. If you are genuine and not mad .....try to have a discussion about how you're feeling. He will never listen to your thoughts and feelings in the middle of a fight. Neither of you will. You will only be thinking of what to say next or defending yourself. My husband and I went through a dry season where we basically co-existed a few years ago. We were under financial stress. He was depressed and sickly. I was annoyed and completely turned off by him. We barely communicated. We had this routine....he worked and then sat in his recliner all night in front of the tv. I busied myself around the house and felt annoyed that he was so "lazy" and always seemed to have a headache. I finally had to really force some conversations even to the point that he would actually IGNORE me as if he didn't hear me. I finally broke him after about 3 or 4 attempts and he cried and spilled his guts. Things have been so much better and we've been so much closer. Apparently I wasn't showing that I appreciated him and I never "acted" like I loved him....this was how he felt. We both had to suck it up and face the other's feelings and issues in order to really change and start fresh. I hope that you can try to have some conversations with your hubby.....planned, calm, loving conversations about your feelings.
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~ Ginger



For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16


Last edited by mamaginger; August 31st, 2012 at 12:46 PM.
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  #3  
August 30th, 2012, 05:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,084
hugs! I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time! I know what it's like to feel completely frustrated and question why you don't just throw in the towel! My marriage really struggled after each of my husband's deployments. He was dealing with a lot of garbage that I didn't understand, and he wouldn't communicate with me. Even now if I try to have a 'feelings' conversation he shuts down very quickly! It is the most frustrating thing in the world and it hurts so badly! Something that I found helpful was to focus more energy on myself and the Wife I wanted to be. I also read the book The 5 love Languages... Once I learned that we have very different ways that we give and receive love, i was able to recognize where he was trying even if I didn't see it before.
Could you try a Christian couple's counselor? If your husband refuses to go, why not go yourself. Also I would encourage you not to give up on prayer. God has big plans for you! It may be a lot of work, and more heartbreak and frustration, but you clearly see something worth fighting for, or I don't think you'd have made this post! (or stuck it out this long) I'll keep you guys in my prayers as well!
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  #4  
August 30th, 2012, 10:07 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 400
That is exactly what I've been doing, trying to be the wife I should be even though I don't feel like it but it hasn't done much good(if any). Last night after he made a comment I wasn't happy with and tried calmly telling him, he got mad and said I have not improved since marrying him. That hurt so bad, I don't see the point to trying when he doesn't see me trying.
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