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  • 1 Post By jeweluv

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  #1  
September 9th, 2012, 02:26 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know everyone has these days and today is one of them for me. Nothing has happened, just feeling down. I have my lovely lady friend who has shown fireceness this month. i've been crying all day, feeling meloncholy, I'm nautious, tired, and feel yucky.

I recently shared that I have OCD which is unfortunately a very big part of my life and something I always struggle with. It flares up from time to time. I'm not as much compulsive as I am obsessive. My obsession usually center around health anxiety of my children and I. It's hard because I'm on facebook and I always see all these Cancer pics of kids come up requesting prayers, some of which are people I even know. I, of course want to give these prayers, but seeing it often makes me feel like everyone's child has Cancer or is close to. I know this is irrational so what I've been taught to do in therapy is to put things back into perspective. I actually "good googled lol" how common cancer was in children because I know the stats would show such low numbers and it would hopefully control my fear with tangible evidence. It turns out there are like 12 cases in every 100,000 kids. Doing the math, this comes up to less than 1% I believe...which means 99% of kids will be healthy and yet i feel like it is all over the place.

I know I need to trust GOD but it is hard sometimes because these thoughts are in my mind whether I want them or not. I pray a lot about it but this is my achillies heel in life.

I know I shouldn't fear but this is such a struggle for me. When the bible encourages you to be nice to your neighbor, love everyone, etc....certain things that might be hard for many to do, I find those easy but not fearing is a tough one for me.

I always worry "what if I wasn't really saved?" When my bff witnessed to me and I accepted Christ I had intrusive thoughts going through my mind during those very moments. Thoughts of "maybe this isn't true" or..."I'm doubting." It's hard to tell if it was my head playing games with me or a reflection of my heart. I wanted to accept. Since then I often go through those motions again just in case I didn't accept right the first time. Perhaps I thought I accepted or wanted to accept CHRIST, but because of my stupid thoughts/feelings, I wasn't saved. Maybe it wasn't a whole hearted acceptance of CHRIST; the one needed to be saved.

I'm sort of a perfectionist and never thing I do enough. Since last Auguest 5th, when I was saved, I read about 5 chapters of a given book in the bible a week and try to do a study of it. I pray all day and bc I can't go to church right now, I have the pastor send me his sermons on Sunday and Wednesday.

I know works are never enough, and it's not necessarily about that...but does this sound okay?

Such a rough day. My youngest dd has had a runny nose, slight fever, for a few days. she is cutting a bunch of teeth. Not sure if it is teething related or just a cold like her sister. She is drueling a lot too. I keep worrying that she has a headache and that it is brain cancer....I know this is soo irrational, but it's where I am at today. I'm trying not to fuel the fire and entertain these thoughts. Ugh...I need a good movie night..lol, def' a chick flick!!!

Hope everyone had a great weekend...........
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Last edited by jeweluv; September 9th, 2012 at 05:03 PM.
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  #2  
September 9th, 2012, 05:07 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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sorry is this all sounds lame. I tend to be very open about struggles bc I feel that everyone has something or knows someone and I never know if that by sharing my own struggles, feelings, experiences if I will somehow reach someone sharing similar things. I don't believe in presenting a perfect package to the world because it is dishonest. I know anxiety disorders are not really somthing as comfortablly talked about as such things that are more visible but to me, they are just as much physical bc they are a condition of the brain which is completely part of our anatomy. Kind of sad that so many still don't see this.

Anyways...just needed to vent =)) Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!!
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  #3  
September 9th, 2012, 06:09 PM
Countrymom4's Avatar Chrystal
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Vent away, we are here for you. Everyone does have up/down days, thats us as humans. We as christians do need to learn to lean on God to guide and lead us throught the rough days.
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  #4  
September 9th, 2012, 08:03 PM
mamaginger's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So sorry you're feeling down. Remember to say scripture aloud to fight thoughts you know are not from God. If you confessed that you are a sinner and you believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord and forgave you, then you are saved. Thats it. Don't let the devil lie to you and tell you you aren't or you didn't do it right. You are a "newborn" so to speak. God is patient when you don't understand things when you fall or when you feel like you can't do certain things...just as you are patient when your baby is learning to walk and talk. You don't get mad or disappointed because they don't get it all the first day. You are thrilled with each baby step. God is thrilled with yours.
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For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16

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  #5  
September 10th, 2012, 05:50 AM
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I always appreciate people being honest, and not presenting perfect packages, because we all have our struggles.

I wanted to add to the Sunday post that my brother yelled at me about Sunday School after church. Now it's not as horrible as it maybe sounds but it still wasn't very nice, but seriously, I did not need to be treated that way. But I didn't want to be a downer. there now I said it anyways.

I've had a sick child (not cancer, she was "just" a preemie) and God really carries you through it.

I hope you're having a better day today!
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  #6  
September 11th, 2012, 07:38 AM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Aw, thanks ladies! Man, those hormones!! They are wicked!! Of course last night I spend hours crying not even knowing what really about. I have my period, I was nautious, emotional....if I didn't actually have my period I would have thought I was pregnant. I know I'm not. Speaking of which...........in my cry/panic fest dh said maybe we can have more kids in the future. I guess he knows me so well to know that deep down, I was struggling with this. I was happy to have his support and in my moments of "I can't do/understand" this thing we call life, I prayed. I was feeling so fearful, even of GOD and heaven. I was feeling like my faith wasn't strong enough and that perhaps I was being disloyal to him by having doubts.

I think he offerred me some peace and I know you gals did. Thanks xoxoxo!! Hopefully I can be of some help to you too!!
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