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"Spare the rod, spoil the child" ?????


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  • 2 Post By mamaginger

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  #1  
October 11th, 2012, 06:44 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I will start this sensitive thread by just saying that whether or not you choose to spank your kids or not will remain unjudged.

...bracing myself............

Okay, so I never felt that physical discipline was ideal and if anything taught violence as an answer to anger or punishment. Butt....my Evyn. Evyn is extremely strong willed and at times very definiant. She is 3.5 She is an amazing child but she clearly tests on purpose. I have always tried to remain consistant with boundaries and rules, give unemotional responses (lol..when I can)....and go from there. We believe that she has ADHD and she was recently evaluated. They can't formally diagnose her until she is 7 but they suspect it. She is highly impulsive....even for a 3 yr old. I feel bad when she does a lot of the things she does bc I know they are not meant to be mean but just that the thought process is not there. However, sometimes she can be extremely fresh which is a very different thing. My husband and I have four other kids who NEVER EVER talk or act this way so as a whole, we don't think it is a reflection of our rules, regulations, and parenting styles. She is simply a tough egg to crack.

Here and there we have given her a hit on her bottom but never anything that hurts. She never flinches or cries and it is more like a little swat that causes her to "snap out" of her moment for a second. NOT THAT SHE IS A DOG OR ANIMAL...but similarly to how when you jerk a leash on a dog to get their attention, it seems this is the same. She can't switch gears.

My bff is Chrsitian and her dad is a pastor. They are the ones that witnessed to me and who I have fellowship with. They believe in spanking and quote many scriptures to support it. Soem say this is literal and some say the "rod" is meant to just teach or steer, so to speak. they say it si literal bc the bible is literal. My bff's parents would use usually a rod to give a spanking on the thigh and my bff does the same. I will say that I have seen her do this, it's usually a spoon on the but and it is barely anything. She will often calmly , WORST CASE SCENARIO IF NOTHING ELSE HAS WORKED, bring them over give them 2 swats on the thigh and that's it. For me, I can't do this. For some reason using an object is like a weapon to me. Judgement asside. They do this ebcause they want "hands for loving."

So, is this "spare the rod, spoil the child?" literal? I once had a debate with her because I thought otherwise. I have given Evyn a pat on the bottom here and there but enver anything she seems to even notice. The other day she really did something terrible though. I had consistantly and calmly put her in time out every time she chose to defy me, hurt her sister, etc. I did this and she got 2 inches from my face and screamed at me aggressively. I told her not to speak to me like that it was unacceptable and she did it AGAIN...I was SHOCKED! So, I, slapped her cheek. I felt awful but I could not believe the audacity! Sometimes there are just some things that are WAAAYYYY out of line. I don't like that I did it but I often wonder, asside from timing out toys and time outs, there is nothing left to use to discipline. She is very smart and is never phased.

I feel awful but according to my bff and her fam the bible teaches this. Again, judgement aside....just wondering what your thoughts are.
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  #2  
October 11th, 2012, 06:56 PM
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To be honest, I truly believe some kids need it. I also believe that only the parents know their child and what will work.

My oldest, when needed gets spanked.

My second gets upset going to her room, so I don't need to spank.

My third, could care less about a swat on the butt and hates going to time-out so I don't spank him either.

My fourth is a baby but has an attitude already so we'll see what works for her when she's older.

I'm just thankful they are usually good kids because I truly hate having to spank them but I will not have disrespectful or disobedient kids. Especially in public.
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  #3  
October 11th, 2012, 08:27 PM
mamaginger's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do believe the rod spoken of in the bible is referring to "correction" and discipline. I don't know that anyone could prove it means "spanking.". We do spank. I spanked a lot from about age 2 to 5. Matt does most of the spanking now and it's much more rare. The older they get, the less spanking is needed in my opinion. I don't like spanking with an object. the same hands that love and care for you are the same hands that will discipline you. The hardest thing about spanking is doing it the right way....NOT in anger. Matt is MUCH better at this than I am, which is why I leave spanking to him.

I really liked Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Childs Heart. He talks about spanking and getting to the heart of why your child is misbehaving. Its a great book for Christian parents.
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  #4  
October 11th, 2012, 09:53 PM
Countrymom4's Avatar Chrystal
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We spank also, I agree the younger ones we spank more than when they get older.
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  #5  
October 11th, 2012, 10:02 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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All I have to say is...PHEW!

LOl...I know that sounds bad but I was thinking i was going to be totally shunned for it. In all honesty, in a controlled manner, I think that it is okay. I think that sometimes the initial "stun" of it changes the behavior. It's hard when they are young because everything is so short lived. A time out means next to nothing and they virtually have no privlidges. Thank you ladies for being so honest. My Evyn is my challenge but I pray that I can somehow find a way to help direct her spirit in a positive way!
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  #6  
October 12th, 2012, 07:13 AM
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Personally I do not believe that the Bible instructs us to hit our children. However I will say first that I was spanked and I don't believe I am a bad person, or that I turned out to be some sort of asocial serial killer..... I don't want to come across as judgmental of those who do spank... this is just the way I look at things.

It is now AGAINST THE LAW to spank here. My personal feelings are that there are so many other, and better and honestly more effective (in the long term) ways to discipline and correct a child's behaviour. I believe that if you choose to spank there is a 'correct' way to do it, and I have to say about 99% of the time it is not done this way.

Also (and I really hope I don't wind up eating my words in a couple years when I have kids of my own) but having worked in different branches of childcare, for several years with many many differently willed children, I have never once used physical punishment and have ALWAYS achieved my desired results. So I can't see any good reason to start now.
I believe that God intends for us to raise our children to love him, and love others. Be good, productive people and contribute to society in a positive manner. I don't think it's as important on how we get there!
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  #7  
October 12th, 2012, 07:15 AM
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I really haven't spanked any of my kids for years and even when they were younger it was a rare occurance. It was usually if they were already corrected a few times I would tell them "if you choose not to listen to me then you choose to get spanked" and also, I would never spank when I felt angry, if I felt myself getting mad I'd send them away to their rooms. But I, like you, have lost my cool and just reacted with a swat.
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  #8  
October 12th, 2012, 12:11 PM
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Yeah, I think it becomes a problem when people think they are limited to Time Outs or Spanking... when one doesn't work the 'only' tool left in their box is to spank. It's important to do what is right for your family, but parents should be better equipped than what is commonly seen or heard about!
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  #9  
October 12th, 2012, 12:35 PM
mamaginger's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Just as an added note....I don't believe (nor do we do this) spanking is for EVERYthing. We like you, I'm sure, have done it all. You have to with kids. You can't spank them for everything or put them in t/o for everything or "just have a talk" or take something away....there's a zillion things to do when disciplining/correcting. However, there are times when spanking (for us) is required. Usually (now that he's a little older) its done by my husband later in the day when he gets home AFTER a "talk" and then he always tells him he loves him and hugs him. And this is much more of a rare occurrence now that he's 7. He's got to do something pretty bad to get spanked now.

Just the other day I watched my nephew being playful and accidentally poked BIL in the eye so BIL screams and then slaps him on the hand. That bothered me. I also use to HATE to see them spank/slap the hand of my 9 month old niece when she would crawl toward the christmas presents to "teach her not to go near them or open them." I didn't like that AT ALL. Idk when my son's first spanking was but I'm thinking it was closer to 2 years old. No BABY should be spanked or swatted in my opinion.
jeweluv and crunchywannabe like this.
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~ Ginger



For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16

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  #10  
October 12th, 2012, 05:41 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm loving all the feedback. I was a pre-school teacher for years and OF COURSE never used physical punishment. I have had to be quite creative in my days but my dd happens to be the only child who has ever stumped me. lol. It is always a last resort and sometimes it is more for the "snap ehr out of the mode"....in a sense, she can't calm down , stop the bahavior, and almost needs something to jerk her out of it. When this happens, she never cries...but more or less "comes to" and can listen.
We suspect she has ADHD and a lot of this is not her fault per say but sometimes, she really needs help switching gears and the sound of my voice or tap on the shoulder doesn't do it. I've even startyed clapping vigorously, lol, to break the cycle.

I time out toys, I time out her, I take away the little privlidges she has.....and I always give multiple warnings and present them with the consequences. I even try to encourage her by saying that she is not happy when she makes the wrong choice and that I know she can make the right one. When she does make the right choice I praise her a lot! I try to keep it simple and non-emotional, which isn't always possible bc she is very relentless. I love her with all my being, but it is hard when everything is a battle and some things can't be avoided. sometimes it's just frustrating and overwhelming. you can't leave many 3 1/2 year olds and 18 months old alone for a second, normally....but when I mean a second, I mean literally a second because within moments, Evyn has impulsively done something and hurt her.
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