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Tough mommy moment. Tearful


Forum: Christian Parenting

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  #1  
November 3rd, 2012, 12:10 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,395
Still no power but I had to vent this

My mom and I have always had a weird relationship and I have always felt inferior to her and I believe this makes her feel needed. My daughter evyn has always adored her. I have always felt that despite what people say, maybe she does love my mom more than me, her mother. She really takes to my mom. Evyn is difficult and sometimes it's hard to feel as close to her bc there are always battles. Today she said she didn't want to leave my mom and wanted to live with her and not me. This is the second time she has ever said this. She the. Said to me u take Anna and I'll have daddy bc I only love daddy and gaga and you can love Anna. My heart broke. I know I shouldn't have done his but I told her she really hurt my feelings. Anna is a mama's girl and maybe she senses that because she nurses. I don't know but I'm afraid my bond w her is not as strong and that she is damaged. I love her soooo much and that hurt me to the core. She is very smart and savy so I feel like she knows what she is talking about. If it were simply the Electra phase than she would have only said she loved lee, not lee and grandma. *. We have been struggling a lot w her behavior and we suspect she has ADHd. I want to get a child psych on board but I don't know if we can afford it.

Pleas pray that my daughter knows my love for her and this resolves.
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  #2  
November 3rd, 2012, 01:45 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,084
Hugs! I have no experience being a mom, but I think I was probably a pretty difficult child! I can honestly say that I knew what buttons to push from a very young age with my parents. I knew what words would hurt, but I only said them to my parents because I knew no matter what my mom wouldn't stop loving me. It probably won't feel this way, but I think it's safe to take comfort in the fact that she feels safe saying that to you. She would never say that if she felt that she was risking your love. It sounds like she is at an age that she is testing you. If you feel that there is more going on I would suggest that seeing a phycologist should be a priority. If she needs that help and support children do best with early intervention.
Know that this doesn't have a whole lot to do with you. Even though that seems backwards to say, I would suspect it has more to do with the stage your daughter is at fueled by whatever messages your mother is putting into her head. If you feel she needs some help, get that for her, knowing it will be a difficult road, love on her as much as you can along the way!
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  #3  
November 3rd, 2012, 06:59 PM
mamaginger's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: South Carolina
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Aww...im so sorry that happened. She's three right? The thing that's really not fair is that you ARE the mom and do most of the disciplining and "fussing" on a daily basis. Grandma is "fun" and Daddy is probably a softy with the girls? So naturally, she's going to see you as kind of "the bad guy." I remember when I kept my niece, she use to cry and be SO MEAN to my sister when she would come to pick her up. She even started calling ME "mama." It hurt my sister so bad but it was totally just a phase. My sister wasn't doing anything bad or wrong and I certainly wasn't encouraging that behavior...it made me feel awful. And she was only two when she did this! She just saw my house as the "fun" place. We cooked play dough from scratch, blew bubbles, went to the park...etc...and she got to play with Denton all day. (she also got to eat stuff my sister didnt buy or fix because shes a health nut lol) She just didnt want to go
home where she had to be disciplined and go to bed at a certain time and had no playmate. She doesn't act like that anymore. She just turned five.

Maybe Evyn needs some extra time alone with you. Maybe she perceives that you "love" Anna more because she's a baby and requires more attention. When he's with your mom, is it just her alone? (not Anna too)

I don't think it's wrong at ALL for you to tell her she hurt you. In fact, I think we SHOULD tell our kids when they hurt us. This
helps them learn how to treat other people. I think you should tell her how much you love her and would do anything for her.
Maybe you could ask her if she's feeling "mad or sad with mommy" or if you've hurt her feelings. Then you could talk to her
about how being disciplined isn't fun but if you didn't discipline her then she would grow up and not know how to treat other
people and may get into trouble at school or other people wouldn't like being around her if she was selfish and never learned
right from wrong (all of this in 3 yr old language of course). She may be too little now but I talk to Denton about growing up as
an adult and that if an adult did what he did (hit someone, spit on someone, etc) then they would go to jail. I tell him that's
why me and daddy have to fuss at him and punish him so he will learn how to act in society and so that he will have friends and
people will enjoy being around him.

Now he LOOVES my MIL. when he goes to her house, he gets treated like a little prince. She cooks for him, gives him
whatever snack he wants, let's him watch all the tv he wants, takes him to walmart and buys him toys....waits on him hand and
foot! What kid wouldn't prefer that over mean old mama?! Lol. But if he grew up every day

like that he would be a little monster!

You are doing what's best for her. She doesn't like it right now but she will respect and love you for it one day. Grandma is just spoiling her and she is reacting out of normal inborn selfishness from her sin nature. ((HUGS)) You are a good mama.
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For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16


Last edited by mamaginger; November 3rd, 2012 at 07:03 PM.
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  #4  
November 3rd, 2012, 11:13 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree that I think this is normal. I know that Dd is really close to my mom and I am often the 'enforcer' in our home because daddy works a lot. She has said things like that a couple times to me, and it is heart breaking. I agree with Ginger that maybe some alone time with you doing something fun would help her feel better connected to you and see you as something other than the 'mean one'. I'll be praying for y'all.
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  #5  
November 4th, 2012, 06:43 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies u cheered me up. Yes, usually it is just evyn and my mom so she gets a lot of attention. I hope she is a happy kid. It was helpful to hear that kids that some of u know have acted in a similar way.
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  #6  
November 5th, 2012, 11:13 AM
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HUGS mama!!! I agree with the other ladies. It's more then likely a phase that just needs to pass. I agree with trying to spend alone time with her.

I know I had/have ADHD and I know it really really upset me when I hurt others (by actions or words) and didn't like to see others upset. I remember accidentally upsetting my mom and I'd go and cry because I was so sad that I hurt her. Not saying that every child that has ADHD will be upset about hurting others but Evyn is probably a phase more now then not.
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