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Lily doesn't like the church nursery :/


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  • 1 Post By #5in2005

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  #1  
October 23rd, 2013, 04:59 PM
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I want so bad to be able to go to church and sit through a sermon again, but with a toddler who refuses to be separated from me, that becomes real difficult. Sometimes she cries for a bit and quiets down. When it's time to pick her up, I watch her a minute before I announce myself to see what she's up to. She doesn't seem to be very playful or as interested in things going on around her as she usually is. She just kind of seems sad. Sometimes she'll start screaming when she sees me. She'll get so over excited that she just cries.

Some nursery workers are ok with her crying it out and calming herself down. Others seem to get uncomfortable. Those that get uncomfortable give me some weird look when they see me coming with Lily and I feel bad even trying when those workers are there. Even when nursery workers don't come get me, I still keep expecting them to and never able to fully focus on the sermon. I guess that's the mommy worry wart in me lol. Some moms say to me "If you don't let her cry and learn to calm herself without you, she'll never get used to it". Others seem to have the "You're a bad mom if you leave her there and let her cry" mentality.

I don't know quite what to do. Sometimes I feel so discouraged that I don't even want to go. I spend most church services in the mother's room where there are toys and stuff for DD. The sermon is piped in, both with a live video feed on a tv and audio. Even in there, listening and actually hearing what he's saying is hard because I'm just too focused on DD even when there's nothing she can really cause a problem with in there.

Any tips? I don't want to traumatize DD or spoil her. Is there a chance I'm doing either? She is my first baby. With another one coming, I would like for this to be resolved so I'm not trying to get her used to a new baby and get her to be ok with the nursery at the same time. There's no way I'm managing both a newborn and a toddler in the sanctuary. There's also the hurdles of potty training and transitioning her to a toddler bed to look forward to (read: dread) before our son gets here. This child does not like changes to her routine.
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Last edited by SkyBaby; October 23rd, 2013 at 05:02 PM.
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  #2  
October 26th, 2013, 11:31 AM
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Anyone with kids has so been where you are!

It's hard to offer advice on this kind of thing, because we're all so different. I know kids are clingy sometimes and feel sad without you, on the other hand they like to see if they can get you to do what they want you to. (I'm not talking your child specifically of course, but those little people are SMART).

I've always been a little old school with this kind of thing. Drop them off and walk out. In your case, I'd tell the people in charge of the nursery that you've been having a hard time, but you'd like to give it a try like this for a few weeks and see if she gets over it.

I'm not saying it will be easy on your mom heart, but instead of feeling like you're abandoning her, you could look at it as empowerment, that she'll learn that she will be okay without you there. You sound like a wonderful caring mom, and even if she'll never be truely happy in the nursery, it's only an hour (give or take) and you'll be there for the rest of the time.

I don't know if this helps any at all, but good luck
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  #3  
October 27th, 2013, 09:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by #5in2005 View Post
Anyone with kids has so been where you are!

It's hard to offer advice on this kind of thing, because we're all so different. I know kids are clingy sometimes and feel sad without you, on the other hand they like to see if they can get you to do what they want you to. (I'm not talking your child specifically of course, but those little people are SMART).

I've always been a little old school with this kind of thing. Drop them off and walk out. In your case, I'd tell the people in charge of the nursery that you've been having a hard time, but you'd like to give it a try like this for a few weeks and see if she gets over it.

I'm not saying it will be easy on your mom heart, but instead of feeling like you're abandoning her, you could look at it as empowerment, that she'll learn that she will be okay without you there. You sound like a wonderful caring mom, and even if she'll never be truely happy in the nursery, it's only an hour (give or take) and you'll be there for the rest of the time.

I don't know if this helps any at all, but good luck
I pretty much have to experiment to do what works. She goes into full freak out mode when we are just walking into he nursery and pretty much attaches herself to my pant leg. Prying her off of me and walking out is what I've been doing. She does calm down. There is this one particularly wonderful nursery worker who has the uncommon gift of being wonderful with other people's kids. She can calm her down faster than any other worker. Not just calm her down, but she seems happy with his worker when I go pick her up.

Lily definitely does have a manipulative edge to her, and I think does use it in the nursery. She has seen her crying gets me back because the workers call me in when she freaks out. She's got that figured out. I hope she gets used to this.

Thanks so much! It's so comforting to know other people have been there done that. I was kind of venting as much as asking for advice. It's frustrating sometimes. I feel like the walk in and drop her off is the best method. No toddler does well with long drawn out good byes. She does fine though being left with people she sees more regularly, like her grandparents. She is a little shy around new people even though like every toddler, she tests her boundaries. I think she's starting to see that we always come back after a short time though. I also think these weekly bible studies are helping her. More exposure to the nursery is a good thing, I think.
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  #4  
October 28th, 2013, 12:29 AM
Countrymom4's Avatar Chrystal
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
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Sorry no real advice my kids have always known the person(very small church). So we have never had a problem in this area. I just have lots of hug for ya.
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  #5  
October 28th, 2013, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Countrymom4 View Post
Sorry no real advice my kids have always known the person(very small church). So we have never had a problem in this area. I just have lots of hug for ya.
Thank you, Chrystal! She did so much better yesterday!! Screamed bloody murder, but only for 30 seconds or so then she was fine. She stopped crying before I was even done signing her in and was fine the rest of the time. She even played with the other kids this time around. This one wonderful nursery worker I mentioned earlier was there yesterday too and Lily is getting very comfortable with her.
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In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.




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  #6  
November 21st, 2013, 08:17 PM
mama2ladybugs's Avatar Super Mommy
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My only advice is to keep dropping her off and walk away. My oldest daughter never actually gave us issues with staying in the nursery. I actually thought she was going to have problems tonight because we hadn't been in a while, but we were able to sit through the whole service without being paged. We went to pick her up and she was content as can be playing with the toys and the lady said she kept giving her daughter kisses. LOL.

We didn't drop off our youngest though because she just had her shots today and I figured she may get kind of fussy if we left her there.

But anytime we drop her off I do have to quickly turn and walk away because if she does get upset, it'll upset me. I think your daughter will adjust eventually, but it will just take time.
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