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I feel like a horrible wife. I really, truly do. This past week Steve casually asked me what I did while Aiden was napping. So I told him - I have quiet time with the Lord. But that doesn't take the whole 2 hours, so sometimes I tidy the place up, sometimes I read, sometimes I e-mail, sometimes I watch TV and sometimes I take a nap myself. Why do you ask? Oh, just wondering he said.
Then later he told me that the ladies at work were shocked to discover that I don't make his lunch for work, and that he does ost of the dishes. They expect me to do it since I am a SAHM. Well, I know I am. But I do have my limitations. I do not clean the bathroom - I only tidy it and sometimes use cleaning products on the sink and toilet but I NEVER clean the floor. I do not do the dishes. Even though Steve works a full time job, I expect him to do them when he comes home because I do all of the cooking. He helps me do the laundry (we take it to the laundromat) and the grocery shopping. He runs all of our errands with me. We made these arrangements before Aiden was born, and they have been working for us for the most part ever since.
Okay, so that is what he does. What do I do? Sometimes I make the bed. It depends. The last week I have made it, because it looks nice when it is made but for the last year I have left it unmade pretty much every day. Sometimes I pick up around the living room and vacuum it - I find it so discouraging because it is the room where we live and it is always messy. We watch TV there, Aiden plays and spits up there. Steve and I eat meals out there (although we have a nice kitchen table we COULD eat at, we never do). Sometimes I pick up around Aiden's room. Actually, his room is the cleanest in the house. I don't like it to be messy, and it seems like the only one I actually care about. Sometimes I tidy the front hall. I arrange the shoes and I sweep the floor...and if I am feeling good, I will mop it too.
But no, on any given day...my house is rarely clean. It is not messy, really. Although some days it is. But, I just don't have the heart to clean. I confess, I used to be a very neat and tidy girl. When it was only my room, or only my apartment I kept it fairly clean because I couldn't stand to wake up to a messy bedroom or worse - a messy apartment. But for some reason, now I could care less.
Am I depressed? Or just a lousy housewife?
I don't want to take for granted the fact that I don't have to get up in the morning and go out into the working world. I don't want to take for granted that for the most part, I get to spend 7 glorious days a week with my beautiful son. But I must confess...sometimes that gets me down.
I miss having an everfresh wardrobe that never depleated before Wednesday due to massive amounts of spit up. I miss having the time to do my hair and makeup and look "sexy" everyday. Now, I wear makeup on Sunday or when I go out to something special. I don't even bother with it for errand days anymore. I miss being able to go and get my hair done whenever I wanted. A sacrifice I made when I had my son.
Is he worth it? Yes.
But do I miss it? Always.
In my devotional time this week, I read the following quote in the book I am going through: "Cleaning the house while children are growing is like shovelling the driveway before it stops snowing." I love that.
Steve and I had a talk yesterday and I told him that I feel like a failure and that I do miss a clean house, but I would rather spend time with Aiden than always cleaning. Still, I want to make an effort to try and have a cleaner house. I am sure that when I do we will all be happier.
So this morning I went to Walmart and stocked up on cleaning supplies. In light of my recent conversation with Steve about what I do during Aiden's naps, and my guilty feelings over not really taking responsibility to have a clean house...I felt inspired. In fact, while searching my kitchen for cleaners lost in the abyss I discovered recipies I hadn't tried in ages and even a book called "Speed Cleaning 101" - a sign?
After much searching I discovered that I really didn't have any cleaning supplies. Maybe that is why my house is the way it is. I didn't have any, so I wasn't using any! Well, we remedied that. As I stood there in Walmart, I was amazed at the vast number of cleaners on the market. Amazing! After much debate, and a surprise encounter with Steve and Aiden (Aiden was napping so they stayed in the car, but he woke up and I was taking too long so they joined me), I came home with the following:
1. Swiffer Carpet Flick - not something I would normally spend money on, but my vacuum is on the fritz and I can't afford a new one and it was on sale, looked great for everyday messes and before long it was in my cart! Although, Steve and I had discussed getting it for the past week, so it wasn't really an impulse buy.
2. Windex Multi Task - a good glass cleaner is always nice, and the good thing about this is that I can use it on so many things like the stove and microwave, mini blinds, light fixtures...and more! And it has foaming action, which is always a good time.
3. Lysol Disinfectant 4 in 1 All Purpose Cleaner (and a 2 L refill bottle) - Lysol is a wonderful thing to have around when you have young children in the house! I can use it in Aiden's room - which reminds me, the change table needs a good clean but I will have to tackle that another time because Aiden is sleeping.
4. Toilet Duck - to keep my toilet clean and oh so fresh. It's always nice when your bathroom is clean, and I love the blue water!
5. Oxi Clean Carpet Spot and Stain Remover - its bubbling action promises to lift and dissolve stains. I sure hope it is true to its word because in that case, we can save some money on getting our carpets shampooed -- having a son that spits up a lot can be a challenge on the best days. But he is so worth it!
6. Oxi Clean Baby Stain Remover - promises to be 100% fragrance, dye and chlorine free. Not to mention tough on stains but gentle on baby's clothes. "When bad stains happen to good clothes, this powerful stain remover will keep your washables looking great! Removes the toughest stains and odors: baby food, formula, diaper leakage, spit up, jelly, spaghetti sauce, juice and much more." SOLD!
7. Microfiber clothes - I bought a few of these, they are awesome for dusting and just cleaning anything in the house.
8. Heavy Duty J Clothes - I use these as the clothes on my mop. I have a nice Vileda mop, which suits me fine and is easy to use. BUT the replacement head cloths are so expensive! Actually, I couldn't even find them at the store today, so maybe they don't make them any more. But to be honest, I wouldn't know because I haven't mopped in a very long time. It's been months.
So, the house is starting to shape up. The kitchen is now clean! The floors are mopped and dried, the counters clean, the highchair (which is usually a sight for sore eyes) is spotless! I am so impressed with myself. Now I need to tackle the living room - it's not too bad, it is actually quite tidy I just have to pick up toys and put things back in their place and then run my precious SCF over the floors. And then, the dreaded bathroom awaits. It's not too bad, I just can't stand cleaning the bathroom it is my worst nightmare. Thank the Lord that bathrooms are usually the smallest room in the house!
All of this deep cleaning that hasn't been done for ages got me thinking about how my heart needs a deep cleaning every once in awhile. Usually, I will filter through the issues in my heart and ask the Lord for forgiveness - but those are just surface issues, like a 30 minute "oh my goodness my mother in law is coming" clean. How much I could benefit from a real deep cleaning of the heart, scouring away my troubles and seeking forgiveness for the really ugly, really grimy places of my heart that no one sees but Him.
Praise God that He is a forgiving God who loves me even when He sees how filthy I really am.
I'm so glad that you're turning the corner! God is always t ready and willing for us to change our ways to be more like him. Having a clean home is very important to me. I told my husband that the state of the room is the state of my brain. IF it's messy, I can't concentrate and everything is scrambled; if it's clean, I am organized, efficient and happy. Aside from that, my husdband feels taken care of and loved when I make his lunches (haven't been doing that lately ), clean the home and dress nice. I don't wear "Mama clothes'. I don't own any sweat pants or anything like that. I wear what I think is cute and I don't always get to, but I wear make up when I can. Can't do my hair except for weekends though, lol. ((((hugs)))). Have you heard of flylady.com? It's supposed to help you clean and organize your home and keep it that way. I've never gone there, but I've heard rave reviews on it.
I'm so glad that you're turning the corner! God is always t ready and willing for us to change our ways to be more like him. Having a clean home is very important to me. I told my husband that the state of the room is the state of my brain. IF it's messy, I can't concentrate and everything is scrambled; if it's clean, I am organized, efficient and happy. Aside from that, my husdband feels taken care of and loved when I make his lunches (haven't been doing that lately ), clean the home and dress nice. I don't wear "Mama clothes'. I don't own any sweat pants or anything like that. I wear what I think is cute and I don't always get to, but I wear make up when I can. Can't do my hair except for weekends though, lol. ((((hugs)))). Have you heard of flylady.com? It's supposed to help you clean and organize your home and keep it that way. I've never gone there, but I've heard rave reviews on it.[/b]
I agree with you totally! I used to be a person who liked a clean home and I want to be that person again!! The house is now clean and looks fabulous and smells fabulous! I am so happy right now! My husband is going to be so happy when he comes home. He likes to have a clean house, he didn't use to but I think he does now. I too like to do things for him to make him feel loved and cared for...although I must confess, right now I wear "mama clothes" because my son is quite the spitter and I don't want to risk any of my nicer things to be ruined. But I don't own sweats, I just own shirts that are less than stellar with stains and such. *sigh* I will be happy when Aiden is looked at this month and they figure out what is wrong with my little bunny...I am nervous. But that is a post for another day! I have heard of flylady, but I prefer Organized Home much more. Have a look, it is worth it!