Log In Sign Up

I keep screwing up


Forum: Christian Parenting

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Christian Parenting LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
August 22nd, 2006, 11:12 PM
jaylynn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,409
Hey guys,
After reading some of the posts, I feel silly writing this, but I know God cares about everything.
months ago I had a friendship fall apart. I as not the nicest and my friend got very angry and basically hated me. When I apologized, she wrote me a very nasty letter saying she accepted my apology and then went on to rant and rave about how horrible i was. Months went by with me feeling hurt. Then, I wrote to her a few weeks ago. She sent a mass e-mail where I was include telling about where she was living and her new pregnancy. I wrote back telling her how happy I was for her and congrats. I thought things were finally getting better. Then, yesterday I got sick of never hearing from her and told her I had tried, but if she couldn't forgive me than i was done with her. (I have been upset, mind you, for almost 8 mos over how she treated me). Tonight she writes me back saying she was gone for the past week and ahalf and thtas why she didn't write and I was mean and insincere and she didn't want to be friends even though she had forgiven me (she never said this to me). I was furious. She hurt me so bad and couldn't take a minute to respond to me ( I know she got an e-card I sent her b/c I got a notice when she opened it). So I got really mad an wrote her a really mean e-mail. This is the first time I have actually been mean to her. The other time she just thought I wasn't a good friend. I really let her have it this time. I feel badly now, but I never stand upf for myself. I have spent my almost 3 decades being a punching bag for everyone, always apologizing even when I'm not wrong, taking abuse from people. I guess I was still mad at my friendfor the way she treated me before. I know I can't fix this friendship now, its too late.

Why am I so mean and stupid and why do I keep screwing up? I really love the Lord and I appreciate life and i hate to have strife with people. I just get pushed to this point and I can't stop myself. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks and sorry you are sharing the board with someone like me, but I do try. I guess my friendship just isn't meant to be. I wosh I hadn't said that, we were so close to fixing things and I messed it up again. Oh well
Jamie
Reply With Quote
  #2  
August 23rd, 2006, 06:39 AM
LuckyGirlx4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,993
Quote:
Hey guys,
After reading some of the posts, I feel silly writing this, but I know God cares about everything.
months ago I had a friendship fall apart. I as not the nicest and my friend got very angry and basically hated me. When I apologized, she wrote me a very nasty letter saying she accepted my apology and then went on to rant and rave about how horrible i was. Months went by with me feeling hurt. Then, I wrote to her a few weeks ago. She sent a mass e-mail where I was include telling about where she was living and her new pregnancy. I wrote back telling her how happy I was for her and congrats. I thought things were finally getting better. Then, yesterday I got sick of never hearing from her and told her I had tried, but if she couldn't forgive me than i was done with her. (I have been upset, mind you, for almost 8 mos over how she treated me). Tonight she writes me back saying she was gone for the past week and ahalf and thtas why she didn't write and I was mean and insincere and she didn't want to be friends even though she had forgiven me (she never said this to me). I was furious. She hurt me so bad and couldn't take a minute to respond to me ( I know she got an e-card I sent her b/c I got a notice when she opened it). So I got really mad an wrote her a really mean e-mail. This is the first time I have actually been mean to her. The other time she just thought I wasn't a good friend. I really let her have it this time. I feel badly now, but I never stand upf for myself. I have spent my almost 3 decades being a punching bag for everyone, always apologizing even when I'm not wrong, taking abuse from people. I guess I was still mad at my friendfor the way she treated me before. I know I can't fix this friendship now, its too late.

Why am I so mean and stupid and why do I keep screwing up? I really love the Lord and I appreciate life and i hate to have strife with people. I just get pushed to this point and I can't stop myself. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks and sorry you are sharing the board with someone like me, but I do try. I guess my friendship just isn't meant to be. I wosh I hadn't said that, we were so close to fixing things and I messed it up again. Oh well
Jamie[/b]

(((((((((((((((((Jamie))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I think I can safely say that we've all "been there". It sounds to me like you are searching for something (friendship) and your being lead by your emotion rather than your heart and your head. This usually ends up with trouble rather than the very thing we are searching for. I don't know about good advice, lol, but I think if I were standing in your shoes right now, I'd write another email to your friend, and basically explain what you told us in those last 2 paragraphs. Make this a rhetorical email, as it might be better not to get a response at this point. Spend time with the Lord, get into His word and ask him for guidance. Can you find a women's Bible study? I woudl encourage you to relax and wait on what God would have you do. We are here ((((hugs))))
__________________
<div align="center">



</div>
Reply With Quote
  #3  
August 23rd, 2006, 06:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Northern WI
Posts: 4,095
Send a message via MSN to JessicaPalmi Send a message via Yahoo to JessicaPalmi
I don't think that you screwed up at all. You told your friend how you felt. Put this friendship into God's hands and see what happens. THE absolute best thing and only thing you can do for your friend right now is pray for her. Obviously you care for her, and so just keep her up in prayer, and FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bible does not tell us to be punching bags, there comes a time when you just have to say look this is not okay. I will not be treated this way and I am sorry that I have to say this, but you are wrong to treat me this way. Try not to beat yourself up over this. I know it hurts, I have been through this, but I have also been on the other side where I saw God move through the relationship I thought was broken and gone and restore it, and saw how he restored the woman as well. It was fantastic. In fact she and I had not spoke to each other for at least 5 years, she started a really bad rumor about me, she was telling some of my distant friends that my son and I died in a horrific car accident, and they showed up at my door the next day to console my husband. Well, I was FUMING but I prayed about it, and I found out what her telephone number was and I confronted her. I did not yell or scream, but just asked her what the reasoning behind it all was and told her how it broke my heart that my former best friend could be so mean. She broke down and God just really had her heart in His hands and she asked for forgiveness and we are friends now...

Like I said give this to God, if He restores the relationship fabulous, if He doesn't there is a reason behind it, but the woman will be blessed because of your prayers.
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #4  
August 23rd, 2006, 07:08 AM
jaylynn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,409
Thank you girls for your loving advice. i did end up writing her an e-mail. I just told her i was sorry for the mean things I said, but I was carrying a lot of hurt. I asked for forgiveness but I also told her I realized that we may never be friends again. I honestly do feel at peace. I think you were right about me looking for something. I've found a good church with a mo's ministry and I'm making new friends, which is helpful. I guess sometimes people can't be friends. I think this relationship is one of them. If God restores it, great, if not, it means we are better off not being close. He has blessed me a lot and i hope I've learned good lessons from this. Thanks and prayers.
jamie
Reply With Quote
  #5  
August 23rd, 2006, 10:21 AM
christianmommato3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: OHIO
Posts: 15,943
Send a message via MSN to christianmommato3 Send a message via Yahoo to christianmommato3
(((HUGS))))
__________________
Jaime
stay at home, homeschooling momma to Jacob(12), Alisha(10), Andrew (5)


Reply With Quote
  #6  
August 23rd, 2006, 11:07 AM
LuckyGirlx4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,993
((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))) It sounds to me like you're on the right track. I will keep you in my prayers today. We are called to be loving like Jesus, always, however because of our free will (thus all our sin mixed together); not all our character is the same as God's- this sometimes impedes us from making friendships with everyone.
When I lived in California, I joined a playgroup for Christian Mothers. The woman who ran the group was MUCH younger than I (and I was 24 at the time!), and had a hard time organizing the group and it's activities. I had some experience in the area, so after a month or so of being in the group, I offered to help. I don't know if she misunderstood me as wanting to take over the group (as I said, I'd just help her organize things behind the scenes-type) or if she was just immediately threatened by me or what; but things went very sour. She started saying snide comments to me infront of everyone ("don't go being a wolf in sheep's clothing in our nice christian group" , etc.). She even told my (unbeknownst to her, I guess) closest friend that she thought I had munchausen by proxy (she actually looked at Anika who was not even 1 year old who had oxygen sat. monitor/heart monitor and an NG tube going into her nose 24/7)!!! Honestly, nothing has ever hurt me so badly; I still get incredibly hurt and angry feelings when I think of this woman. I finally decided to leave the group. I was very honest with the reason why I was leaving; that she and I weren't getting along for some reason. She lied to me with her sweet little "christian" face and said, "I love all of God's children, why would you think we aren't getting along???" . I told her that it was obvious to me that she didn't like me; and hadn't from the start. That this is not a feeling I get, but a reaction to what I've observed. I am God's child, and he made me a unique individual with specific characteristic- because of that; I can't expect everyone to like me- so my feelings are not hurt over that- they are hurt by your (her) behavior toward me. We still have mutual friends, and she still spreads crap about me, but I've not responded to any of them; I have no need to- they aren't true. I believe though, that I definately took the high road, and God has honored that. My friends that I had in that group (aside from her, but she was never my friend) are still close friends of mine- and she just looks like the fool.
__________________
<div align="center">



</div>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
August 23rd, 2006, 12:11 PM
jaylynn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,409
Thank you, I guess we've all experienced hurt and pain and I guess we've all caused some pain too. I think thre best thing about our loving God is he lets us start fresh everyday! I'm trying hard to let Him handle my relationshps!!
Thanks for the prayers
jamie
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:00 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0