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My MIL has a problem with saying things rudely. I don't know if I can explain this through typing. But for instance, if I'm telling her about a new store in town and she doesn't understand exactly where I'm talking about, she scrumple up her face and go "Where are you talking about?" She won't be mad at me, just say it with an attitude.
She has a yelling problem. She'll yell at her DH in front of us, and belittle him and decisions he's made.
She flies off the handle "just like that"
The other day I was standing next to her in the yard, and one of her dogs went into her flower bed. She yelled so loud and mean at the dog that it made me jump.
Now, I've never liked the way that she talks to her grandkids. My son, and her two other grandkids. She will yell at them, and be like "why the heck did you mess this room up". And when I say yell, I mean if she talked to me like that, I'd probably start crying right then and there. She sounds REALLY mean.
I can't say anything because I'm the DIL. The other day though, she was getting all over her granddaughter, and my SIL says to me "I hate the way she talks to these kids". I said "yeah, me too, but I can't say anything". So my SIL took her to the side and said something to her. And it's like she doesn't even realize how mean she's being.
I wish that I could record her one day so she'd see it.
We live next door to her. And earlier today she was watching her other two grandchildren so she let Trevor go play over there with his cousins. So I had walked over there, and Jalynn was swinging in her swing and the boys were playing outside. Trevor, my son, then decided to go inside and ask for some drink, and then of course Noah, his cousin went in. The next thing I know, my MIL is YELLING and SCREAMING at the kids "WHO GOT DOG CRAP ON MY FLOOR? GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE" My blood began to boil and I got all shaky and red faced. She continued yelling at them until they were outside.
I couldn't even talk to her. I bit my tongue. A few minutes later, the boys were playing, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the BIG scarecrow in the back yard fall down. The boys were like 20 feet away from it, but it made a thump when it fell, so they started running over there to see what it was. Me, seeing everything and knowing they didn't touch it, I just said, "boys stay away from it, it fell on it's on, just leave it alone". She comes walking out and says "WHAT DID THEY DO?" I said "they didn't do anything"
I then got Trevor and just went home.
Later, she calls over at the house, and I had DH answer the phone. She asked if I was P'od. So DH says well, you kind of hurt her feelings when you talked to the kids like that. Dh is VERY respectful to them, won't raise his voice or anything.
She gets loud on the phone and says "I had to go all through my house and scrub the dog crap off of my floor...yadi yadi yadi"
DH said, okay, I understand your frustration, but we still, no matter what, have to watch how we say things.
She got upset and said alright, bye!
So tonight at church she didn't talk to DH or myself. She left church without telling anyone goodbye.
DH was saying to me "that's just how she is, she just talks like that. She did it to us when we were kids" I said alright, but what would you do if one of my parents talked to Trevor like that. He then saw things in a different light. He said well, I'd probably say "you better not ever talk to him like that again"
So I told DH tonight that I need his support in this. I can't do this alone. Even is she plays the victim, sulks, and does the "oh pitiful me" thing, we're not backing down. We can take a lot, but when it comes to the kids, that's where we step up to the plate.
There are words that we have asked her to not say around the kids because Trevor has picked up on it before and said these words. CRAP, HECK, OH MY GOD, yet she continues to do so. She's a Christian, a faithful Christian, and I think that's why it angers me more. She also says things like "pisses me off", and I can't stand that either.
So anways.....PLEASE pray about this whole situation! I also need prayer because I don't want to tell my parents about it, or my sister. But you know how it is when you're upset, you want to tell people, and get them on your band wagon.
I've been praying for a while now about her anger, and I will continue to do so.
OH MY GOSH! How terrible, she really sounds like she needs an evaluation...for medication! (BTW, I too live next door to my MIL). I can definitely relate to dealing with a grandparent who acts like this, except it happens to be my own mother. So, at least I am comfortable in saying something to her when I find what she does or says inappropriate. My SIL, on the other hand, like you, only gets to gripe at my brother about it all.
YES, it does help to unload here and get some "I'm in the same boat" feedback!
I will pray for you and your MIL. Wow, other than that, all you can do is maybe, one day, find a way to approach her and convey YOUR feelings to her. (Like I have room to talk, I know it's how it's suppose to work though).
I know exactly where you're coming from. You just described my dh. He's not a Christian, and often doesn't realize he's done something until Ben starts screaming in fear and clinging to me. I don't want Ben picking up words like that. MIL has told me that dh's mouth has caused her to consider ending the relationship with him many times. She just can't bring herself to turn her back on her own son.
Stand your ground, keep a gentle spirit, and keep the kids away from her.
Wow, you just described my FIL, I swear. Only I really think he's bipolar b/c he's totally having a temper tantrum one minute and then is just happy as can be the next minute. I'm soooo glad you talked to your husband about this and helped him see the situation in a different light. When my FIL acts the way he does, I always wonder why everyone lets him get away with it. I often hear the "oh, that's just the way he is" comment too. I have started to call my MIL and husband on it, though. I say, "why do you think he acts that way? It's because you all let him!" I know it can be so infuriating, but nothing is ever going to change unless you and your husband stick together on this. I also wanted to say that I'm proud of you for not telling your family about this. I have the hardest time with this, but I am learning my lesson to handle my problems without consultation from my mom.
You need to be the mature one. She will guilt trip and pout until the cows come home so you will allow her to continue her behavior.
Untied front is the key. Stand your ground and keep your children away from her and tell her why. Never loose your cool, keep your tone loving, but with your husband, stand firm.
The second she starts to go off, stop her and tell her what is happening.
You can be loving and christian and respectful and still do this. You love your children and they need to be safe from harsh words and yelling.
I got to grow up like this. Now, I do not tolerate it from anyone. It took me years, but I succeeded in standing my ground.
Nothing better than the love of your own child to help support your cause.
I will definately be praying for your family and MIL on this. I was also raised this way, but not by Christians. You totally have the right to stand up for your children, you may only be the DIL but you are your children's mother, and if she were to raise a hand and strike one of your kids I am guessing you would say something to her. Her yelling at the kids consistantly is verbally smacking them. But you can do it in a loving and respectful manner. I don't know if you call her mom, but lets say that you do, Mom,I know that sometimes the kids can do things that upset us but you know we do not yell at our children and I want you to know it is not okay for you to yell our children either, we have to show the kids how Christians are to behave and this is not a good example. Thank you for respecting my wishes.
If after that she still does not listen to it, you are going to have to protect the kids and keep them away. Let her know why too, don't just hide the kids away with out having a frank discussion with her bc that would not be fair. Discuss this with hubby and get a game plan and stick to it, and continue to stand in the gap for your MIL. Pray the fruits over her, the specific scriptures that speak about being slow to anger and stuff like that. Praying scriptures is so powerful bc you are holding God to His Word!
Just a quick addition to my post......I really think I should add that my FIL is nothing but wonderful to my daughter. She is his only grandchild that he regularly gets to see and they have a special bond. She loves him unconditionally and he thinks she's just the best thing to hit this planet. I've told my husband that if he ever talks to Ty the way he talks to all of us, I'm afraid I'll hit the roof, so he better step in right away. I just wanted to add this out of fairness to him.