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  #1  
September 1st, 2008, 05:52 PM
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 193
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HELLO LADIES..

MY NAME IS AMBER.. I AM A NEW SOON TO BE BIRTH MOTHER.. I RECENTLY POSTED A MESSAGE ON ANOTHER THREAD UNDER THE ADOPTION FORUM AND WAS DIRECTED IN THIS DIRECTION...

I HAVE SOOOOOO MANY QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS ABOUT THE DECISION I AM SOON TO MAKE.
I FEEL THAT I AM DOING THE BEST THING FOR THE CHILD BY GIVING IT UP FOR ADOPTION.. IM ALSO LEANING VERY CLOSELY TOWARDS AN OPEN ADOPTION.. HOPING TO GET BLESSED WITH BEING VERY CLOSE TO THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY... HOWEVER NOT NECESSARILY KNOWING THE HEALTH OF THE BABY RIGHT NOW AND MY HEALTH AND ALL THESE DIFFERENT THINGS MY MIND KEEPS GOIN BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN SOOOO MANY IDEAS AND CONCERNS AND ALL THAT... SO ANY AND EVERY PIECE OF ADVICE THAT CAN BE OFFERED IN THIS DIRECTION IS GREATLY APPRECIATED.. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!
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  #2  
September 2nd, 2008, 08:43 AM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
Well, I will begin with saying
It is nice to see you here. We have a GREAT group of ladies and we are VERY willing to help you with anything you may need.

As for advice... at this point, you really need to take things a day at a time. Your emotions, hormones and mind are going like crazy. Just take it easy and take care of yourself and the baby. Also, ALWAYS- I a mean ALWAYS remind yourself that you are making the right decision and that you are doing this for the baby, and not for yourself. Also, be PROUD of your decision! You are giving someone the ULTIMATE blessing.

Have you looked into agencies or gotten an attorney? Where are you in the process?
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  #3  
September 2nd, 2008, 11:49 AM
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 193
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Quote:
Well, I will begin with saying
It is nice to see you here. We have a GREAT group of ladies and we are VERY willing to help you with anything you may need.

As for advice... at this point, you really need to take things a day at a time. Your emotions, hormones and mind are going like crazy. Just take it easy and take care of yourself and the baby. Also, ALWAYS- I a mean ALWAYS remind yourself that you are making the right decision and that you are doing this for the baby, and not for yourself. Also, be PROUD of your decision! You are giving someone the ULTIMATE blessing.

Have you looked into agencies or gotten an attorney? Where are you in the process?[/b]
I AM ONLY ABOUT 5 MONTHS IM GUESSING.. I HAVENT HAD THE CHANCE TO GO TO THE DR. NONE OF THEM WOULD SEE ME BECAUSE I DONT HAVE INSURANCE AND I HAVE APPLIED FOR MEDICAID THEY ARE JUS TAKING A LONG TIME..IT SHOULD BE HERE SOMETIME THIS WEEK.. I AM REALLY ANXIOUS ABOUT GOING TO SEE HOW HEATHLY ME AND THE BABY ACTUALLY ARE AND EXACTLY HOW FAR ALONG I AM AND EVERYTHING ELSE.. SO FOR NOW IM JUST MAKING SURE I AM TAKING CARE OF MYSELF THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW... MY MAIN CONCERNS RIGHT NOW IS THAT THE BABY IS AT ITS BEST HEALTH I KEEP HAVING FEELINGS THAT SOMETHING MAY BE WRONG BUT I COULD JUS BE PARANOID.. I JUS DONT WANT TO HAVE A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES TO WHERE NO ONE WILL WANT TO TAKE CARE OF IT.. THAT WOULD REALLY HURT ME IF IT HAS TO GROW UP IN A FOSTER HOME.. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FIRST QUESTION.. WILL MY CHILD HAVE TO B IN A FOSTER HOME UNTIL SOMEONE WANTS TO ADOPT IT OR CAN I KEEP IT OR WHAT .. HOW DOES THAT WORK.... I HAVE LOOKED AT A FEW AGENCIES.. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME FOR ME.. SO I GUESS I SHOULD ASK.. WHAT IS IT THAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A GOOD AGENCY.. ALSO NO I HAVENT GOTTEN A LAWYER.. WILL I NEED ONE? SEEMS TO BE ALOT INVOLVED IN ADOPTION.. THANK YOU FOR THE WELCOME TO THE BOARD.. =-)
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  #4  
September 2nd, 2008, 01:26 PM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
If you are from Dallas, I would HIGHLY suggest the Gladney Center in Fort Worth. That is where I went. They pay for all medical and help with food etc. You will get what they call "profiles" of families to choose from and you pick the family. You have the option of meeting the family before you give birth. Everything is financially taken care of.

Gladney mostly deals with open adoptions, but you can opt for a closed one as well. They do all the legal work for you. You sign your papers 48hrs AFTER you give birth, if you chose to do so. You can opt to have a longer time with the baby, if you'd like (I did mine immediately to be sure that I didn't get too attached). While you are waiting to sign your papers, your baby will stay with what are called "transitional parents". These are families that Gladney has chosen to care for the babies until the paperwork is finished etc. Then, you have what is called a "placement ceremony". Pretty much a meeting with the family to physically hand over your baby.

They also offer post-adoption support groups (which I HIGHLY recommend). This is a GREAT way to meet other women that are feeling the same pain and emotions you are and to assure you that everything will be okay. I am close to the lady who runs it and I attend myself when I am home.

Gladney is a GREAT route to take if you want things done for you and be able to have the openness desired. That is just a REALLY quick run down of what they offer... there is TONS more!

PM me with ANY questions.

Here is their website: www.gladney.org
and their phone number is: 1-800-GLADNEY

Ask to speak to a counselor regarding your decision of placing your child. They are GREAT there.
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  #5  
September 2nd, 2008, 06:03 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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It sounds like you got some great ideas from Melissa so I don't have much to add there. I just wanted to say WELCOME and to ask any questions you may have. If you need someone to talk to PM me...

Like Melissa said just keep reminding yourself that you are giving someone the ultimate gift and helping them with something so wonderful and amazing. Please don't hesitate to come to us with any problems, successes anything you may have. I know I felt like I had no one to talk to at all until I found this board.
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Thanks *Kiliki* for the precious siggy!



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  #6  
September 6th, 2008, 11:18 AM
tsxylilmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Sumner, Washington
Posts: 9,928
I also just want to say welcome. Please feel free to ask any of us ladies any questions that you may have.
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  #7  
September 24th, 2008, 03:43 PM
tatanickel's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New Bern, NC
Posts: 173
Welcome!

It is a very hard decision. I would talk to one of the agencies in your area. The adoptive parent will pay for everything. My advice, meet with several families and pick the one you feel will give your child the best care. I chose someone who had the same parenting styles I wanted to have one day. Ask questions. Open ended ones. If this happened, what would you do? What is your philosophy on? This will save you some heartache later wondering how the child is doing.

Its a very hard decision. And it's very painful. I won't lie about that. I kept a journal and wrote it addressing the baby. My hope was that I could give it to him some day and maybe he would understand why. It really helps with the emotional aspect. And have the adoptive parents come along to the dr visits. Mine attended the birth as well. It felt really good seeing them getting excited. And then we all cried together after the baby was born. My for my loss, and them for their gain. I'm really glad they were there for me.

And I ditto the suggestion on counseling after wards. If the agency will not help out, see if the adoptive parents would pay for it. It's still part of your medical. I didn't go through an agency. My stepmom found perspective parents on the internet and then screened them. Their lawyer drew up all the paperwork for me to sign, and I didn't pay anything.

If you need anything, you can PM me... We all know how hard it is.

Good luck!
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