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Her birthday was the 4th but with work, Leila's birthday, and everything else going on I have not gotten on JM barely at all. I took it very rough. It is so hard to believe that she is ten years old. That is such a big girl.
I sent her some gifts and her and her mom sent Leila gifts! It really is sweet! I struggled so much with what to send her this year but went with a girly monopoly game, a couple of books, some glow in the dark stars, a diary, and a magic 8 ball. She already wrote an email back saying she loved them!
Sometimes I feel like the challenges of keeping this shaky relationship good are so hard. The balance of what is right and what is presumptuous is a thin line. I struggle at every communication with making sure I say the right things. I just want to make that little girl feel secure in my love. I don't know exactly how else to do that.
Anyway it was a hard day as it always is. I cried for the loss as I always do. It doesn't ease the hole but it at least calms the fire.
Time flies by fast doesnt it?
I think birthdays are always hard, not matter how well you are dealing with the adoption.
Being able to send gifts is a huge help to me though [/b]
Same for me! I feel like she needs to know I remember her on that day more than any other day. I sometimes feel like I might step on toes or buy the wrong thing but I throw caution to the wind with something that means so much. And I always include gift receipts lol.