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  #1  
January 3rd, 2009, 09:01 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Hello all, I am a mommy who is hoping to adopt through foster care. I want to first say thank you for loving all your children so much.

I have a good friend who has decided to put her child up for adoption. She has two children already and she and her husband don't feel they could give this child everything he or she deserves. There are a lot of other reasons too, but she and her husband are making a good decision for this child.

I also know that it is going to be extremely difficult for her. I was wondering if you all could recommend some books or other things I could offer her as she goes throughout this pregnancy. I want to support her as much as possible and I also don't want to say anything stupid.

Thanks in advance!
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  #2  
January 3rd, 2009, 09:29 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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First off let me say thanks for recognizing us! Next thanks for opening your home to children in need-Moms with big hearts like yours are so great!

Honestly in my experience I have not found much reading that is aimed at supporting the birth mom. It really needs to change! There are quite a few online support message boards including us who would certainly welcome her with open arms. Encourage her and her husband to reach out for the support they will need and want eventually.

As for what you can say and do honestly the best thing for someone to do in my opinion is to follow their lead. If she needs to have a shoulder to cry on, be that person. If she needs someone to help remind her of the great sacrifice she has made, do that. If she needs someone to just help her accept and come to terms and then move on faster, try your best to do so. When she wants to talk try to listen and when she needs just silence try to let her have it. It is a hard role to fill but with your loving heart I am sure you will amble your way through.

Remember adoption really is just now becoming a thing that can even be talked about. There just isn't much material out there to help us make our way though. If you need anything please don't hesitate to PM me and I would be more than willing to talk to your friend if you feel she needs some support from the other side.
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  #3  
January 3rd, 2009, 10:12 PM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
Quote:
First off let me say thanks for recognizing us! Next thanks for opening your home to children in need-Moms with big hearts like yours are so great!

Honestly in my experience I have not found much reading that is aimed at supporting the birth mom. It really needs to change! There are quite a few online support message boards including us who would certainly welcome her with open arms. Encourage her and her husband to reach out for the support they will need and want eventually.

As for what you can say and do honestly the best thing for someone to do in my opinion is to follow their lead. If she needs to have a shoulder to cry on, be that person. If she needs someone to help remind her of the great sacrifice she has made, do that. If she needs someone to just help her accept and come to terms and then move on faster, try your best to do so. When she wants to talk try to listen and when she needs just silence try to let her have it. It is a hard role to fill but with your loving heart I am sure you will amble your way through.

Remember adoption really is just now becoming a thing that can even be talked about. There just isn't much material out there to help us make our way though. If you need anything please don't hesitate to PM me and I would be more than willing to talk to your friend if you feel she needs some support from the other side. [/b]

I could not have said it better!

Also, feel free to point her in our direction. We have a great little support network here.
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  #4  
January 7th, 2009, 09:56 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 823
I'm almost 6 years into it, and still haven't found a book that has been helpful.
Best advice would be to connect with other ladies who have gone through it. Send her here!
I also like the website www.lifemothers.com
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