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How Often Do You Have Contact?


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  #1  
February 18th, 2009, 06:32 AM
amholb0's Avatar Mrs.Fitz
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Central KY
Posts: 301
Right now, I am the limiting factor in the contact. Tom, Cara's dad would allow us any contact we want. I just don't know what to do, I sit down to write and I can't think of anything to say. My Dad is great, he sends her a card every week and occasionally she write him back. She's 12, so you can't expect too much. Anyway, I know it's not true but, I can't get over the feeling of not being worthy of being in her life. I feel like I should be someone different , better somehow. I don't know. I just have a very hard time starting the communication again. I keep waiting to feel like I'm good enough, that I've done enough to prove that giving her up wasn't a waste. That I used tthat time to make myself better for her. I don't know, I just don't feel right. So how do I start?
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  #2  
February 18th, 2009, 08:22 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 823
For the first year, the adoptive parents sent letters and pictures once a month. After the first year it turned into every couple of months. We now are friends on Facebook too so I can keep in touch with them, and e-mail them whenever I want.
I found out it hard to write to my daughter. There was so much I wanted to say, but didn't feel like I should. Then every letter starting sounding the same. Now I write her and tell her what is going on in my life, so later she can look back and see that I made an effort to keep her invloved in my life. I often will include pictures of my family (My Mom, sister, brother) and have been sending her pictures of my growing belly since she is so excited about her half brother!
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  #3  
February 19th, 2009, 09:29 AM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
We have an unusually open adoption. We talk on the phone quite often and we email often.. we visit for her birthday and they visit us once a year too. We are trying to make it more often since we are currently stationed only 6hrs away. Her entire family was here for the birth of my youngest in November. That was special.
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  #4  
February 19th, 2009, 01:42 PM
szczepanski's Avatar nakmaster
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Western NY
Posts: 8,399
Quote:
For the first year, the adoptive parents sent letters and pictures once a month. After the first year it turned into every couple of months. We now are friends on Facebook too so I can keep in touch with them, and e-mail them whenever I want.
I found out it hard to write to my daughter. There was so much I wanted to say, but didn't feel like I should. Then every letter starting sounding the same. Now I write her and tell her what is going on in my life, so later she can look back and see that I made an effort to keep her invloved in my life. I often will include pictures of my family (My Mom, sister, brother) and have been sending her pictures of my growing belly since she is so excited about her half brother![/b]

That sounds identical to my situation. I am friends with the adoptive father on Facebook, so we can share pictures and everything.

I went and saw her for the first time in like 3 years when I was home. I hadn't seen her in person since she was 2. She knew me from pictures, but she didn't remember me. It was incredibly awkward (I live out of state now, moved from NC to NY) but towards the end she came over and whispered to me "You are my tummy mommy right?".

Now that was incredibly sweet...because her adopted parents explained to her that she came from my tummy, so anytime she saw a pregnant lady she went "Heders tummy" to them, haha.

I don't talk to them as much as I should, just because it is hard. My DH has accepted my choices and the situation I was in before I even knew him, but I know it makes him feel kind of awkward. He is probably as okay with it as he could be - he knows I saw her when I went home, and he is completely supportive of me talking to her and her parents. I think when she gets a little older, I will start writing her letters. I wish I could now...but everything I write sounds silly and superficial.
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  #5  
February 21st, 2009, 03:49 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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No matter where you are in life at this point you still are good enough for her! You are her birth mom and that makes you the REASON she is here. Be confident in your life and your choices that have led you to where you are now and try your darndest to change the things that you don't like. She knows NOTHING of them and most likely even if she did would still love and value you all the same. You are special and she needs you to just be there even if what you are saying isn't the most content filled things. She just wants and needs to know that you do still love and want her even if you placed her for adoption. HUGS! I soooooo soooo sooooo know the feelings you are feeling and have been there several times. I worked through them by just plunging in and writing the letter or card needed for that time. Keep us posted.

To answer the question in the title we have very sporadic communication. Sometimes we will talk and write a lot and then we won't write for awhile. Right now we are in somewhat of a slump and I am trying very hard to get myself to break out of it.
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  #6  
February 22nd, 2009, 01:32 PM
tsxylilmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Sumner, Washington
Posts: 9,928
I get a picture of her around her Birthday every year and was able to talk to her on her Birthday this year. I have not seen her in person since I placed her with her adoptive parents. I am hoping someday that I will though.
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