Log In Sign Up

How do I comfort her?


Forum: Birth Moms

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Birth Moms LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
May 3rd, 2009, 08:43 AM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 8,635
A very good friend of mine has placed her baby with her younger sister and her husband to raise. She has a child from a previous marriage that she raises ..the new baby's father and her are not together (he lives out of state) and she felt she could not raise her.

The adoption will be final in 3 months. Im not sure if she truly feels like this is the best route..she has said things like "well they have already bought stuff" which makes me think she has done this because she is afraid they would become angry if she didnt. The sister has children of her own all under the age of 3. They plan on letting the child grow up knowing my friend is her biological mother and her daughter is her sister..the family is pretty close so they will see lots of eachother. I know this is going to be very hard on my friend.

I know right now she is in terrible pain. How do I help her..console her? Please tell me something to say to her that might make this easier for her to bear!!
__________________








Last edited by *CAMM*; May 3rd, 2009 at 08:46 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
May 3rd, 2009, 12:21 PM
IndigoEyes's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 76
There really isn't much you can say. The best thing you can for her is to just let her know you're there. That she can talk to you about anything and if she just needs a shoulder to cry on, you're there.

Maybe take her out to lunch, go shopping at the mall, keep her active in other things. How old is she? Did she relinquish the baby right after birth? It's difficult enough dealing with those Baby Blues after having a baby, and then relinquishing baby intensifies those blues. I know the first couple weeks were really hard for me. I was 23 yrs old and also already had a son of my own. I just wanted to be alone. My mom took me shopping and to the movies, and that helped a little.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
May 3rd, 2009, 01:14 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 8,635
She is 24. Well her sister and bil stayed at a hotel in the same town..they left the hospital with the baby but stayed 2 days after that visiting with my friend and her parents. I think this probably made it worse for her, seeing her sister with her child so soon after. I dont think she ever got any alone time with her...to say goodbye or to sort out her feelings..her sister and bil would alternate staying with her at all times.
__________________







Reply With Quote
  #4  
May 3rd, 2009, 07:13 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
Send a message via AIM to BoobyDutyAgainJen
Hmmm that is hard. I know I really needed that first day in the hospital to sort of come to terms with it. I fed her, changed her diaper, dressed her, everything to make sure that this was right for me. I think not having that time is hard. However if she didn't want it that is different.

I think in general having it be someone so close to her is probably going to be hard. She will have to determine in the time if it is right with the baby being so close. Maybe just be there for her and talk to her about how she is feeling about everything. It is such a hard place are in as her friend and an even harder one for her.
__________________

Thanks *Kiliki* for the precious siggy!



Reply With Quote
  #5  
May 3rd, 2009, 08:59 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 8,635
I've thought all along having her sister adopt would be a mistake...too close. Just a bad situation that i fear will get worse before it gets better.

I have a feeling they never left her alone so she wouldnt back out... they started taking care of the baby w/in the first hour.

right now she isnt talking...she emailed me and said its too hard..she just cries uncontrollably when she thinks of the baby. probably doesnt help matters that her sister updates her myspace with a comment about being complete now with the new baby and being blessed.

I guess i'll just wait for her to make the first move..let her go at her own pace and talk when she is ready.
thank you!
__________________







Reply With Quote
  #6  
May 4th, 2009, 11:45 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
Send a message via AIM to BoobyDutyAgainJen
One more thing...just make she knows she has support and that it isn't a wrong thing to change her mind. That she isn't obligated to make her sister feel blessed at the expense of her happiness. If it isn't feeling right to her then it isn't right and she can change her mind. While I fully support and encourage women to place children in other homes if it is right for them and the child I don't think it is always the answer.
__________________

Thanks *Kiliki* for the precious siggy!



Reply With Quote
  #7  
May 4th, 2009, 03:29 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 8,635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leila's Mom Jen View Post
One more thing...just make she knows she has support and that it isn't a wrong thing to change her mind. That she isn't obligated to make her sister feel blessed at the expense of her happiness. If it isn't feeling right to her then it isn't right and she can change her mind. While I fully support and encourage women to place children in other homes if it is right for them and the child I don't think it is always the answer.

I have told her that she doesnt have to do this if its too hard..i even wrote her an email the night before the induction telling her if it didnt feel right to not go through with it.

Thankfully she has 3 months before the adoption is final..right now they are just considered her guardians w/power of attorney.
__________________







Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:40 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0