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Rude on JM?


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  #1  
August 18th, 2010, 03:07 PM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 823
Have you read posts on JM or any other boards or have you had anyone on here of another board say anything directly to you that you found rude or insulting as a Birth Mother?


I've seen lots of posts in reference to the show Teen Mom and the couple who gave their child up for adoption lately that have offended me big time. There are far too many people who don't think before they speak (or type)

I've read that us Birth Moms shouldn't be allowed to send gifts, we should only get pictures every once in a while because we don't get to play both sides. HELLOOOO it's called open adoption.

I'm also so sick of hearing people say "they need to just get over it"
How about you give your child away and then just get over. People are rude, and inconsiderate, and it's really pissing me off today if you can't tell.

Sorry....just had to vent about it. I don't know why it's bugging me so much.
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  #2  
August 19th, 2010, 09:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Claysgirl View Post
I've seen lots of posts in reference to the show Teen Mom and the couple who gave their child up for adoption lately that have offended me big time. There are far too many people who don't think before they speak (or type)

I've read that us Birth Moms shouldn't be allowed to send gifts, we should only get pictures every once in a while because we don't get to play both sides. HELLOOOO it's called open adoption.
Do you mind if I post on this? I agree with you Katie.

I agree with you, birth mothers (most of them anyway) are selfless loving women who wanted what was best for their children. If I adopt, I for one will be glad to include my children's birth mothers in their lives.
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"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude..... These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are percisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character and increase our compassion for others."
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  #3  
August 19th, 2010, 12:27 PM
Jara's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Iowa
Posts: 4,092
I was wondering if I could post on this also.. I'm not a birth mom.. or an adoptive mom. Although my nephew came to us through adoption. My sister and the birth mother have an open adoption, and I think it's wonderful!

The Young Lady who choose my sister and BIL to parent her child.. in my opinion is the MOST amazing woman on the face the earth! I have never met her..nor probably ever will.. but the gift she has given my family is one.. well.. just can't be topped. She is a younger woman.. but had to make one of the hardest decisions ever.. and I thank her every day for that.

This woman and my sister have an Amazing relationship... they talk on the phone often and she gets picture of Little guy as often as she'd like.

Anyways.. sorry I went off on a little tagent.. :-) I wanted to THANK YOU for the gift you gave someone else. I, personally, have never had to make that choice, but I can only imagine how hard it was for you and still is. I believe you have every right (if it's an option adoption and the the adoptive parents agree) to get as many pictures, videos and what ever you want after the birth of your child.

Once again.. Thank you for the gift that you chose to give someone else.. the gift of a family that they wouldn't have otherwise been able to have..
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  #4  
August 20th, 2010, 02:22 AM
missmich
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I'm going to sneak in here and post as well if you don't mind. I'm a single mama to be and adoption was suggested to me... in a rude way by someone on JM and I was really hurt by it. The person pretty much responded to a thread I had telling me that if I couldn't afford a new car seat then maybe I should consider adoption! Then another woman piped in and said agreed that adoption was a good idea for me.

This hurt and made me angry b/c even though I do like the idea of adoption it's a choice that a woman should make on her own for her own reasons. Or in some cases a couple should make together. It's a personal choice and not an easy one I imagine to make. It's also not the right choice for everyone either.

I think that birth moms have a lot of choices now when it comes to adoption. There are both closed and open adoptions. With an open adoption you can share as much as you like as often as you like when it comes to pictures and visits and sending gifts back and forth as long as the child is ok with this,IMO anyway. After all the main reason a birth mother chooses to place her child for adoption is for the well being of the child right?
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  #5  
August 20th, 2010, 07:19 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Mich - I'm sorry to had to encounter a rude person who said such things.

Thanks for replying to my post.....I just had to vent yesterday
I guess no matter where you go in life there always will be people who rub you the wrong way or say things that offend you on any subject. Sometimes you just hit a breaking point and make a post about it though lol
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  #6  
August 21st, 2010, 09:16 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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Wow maybe my eyes are closed to such things!!! PM me links to these obnoxious posts! I need to see! I won't reply back unless you would like me to!

I have encountered horrible things being said in real life but I can't recall a time on here. Thank God. I really find solace on this board so I can't imagine!
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  #7  
August 23rd, 2010, 07:27 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleBoobyDutyJen View Post
Wow maybe my eyes are closed to such things!!! PM me links to these obnoxious posts! I need to see! I won't reply back unless you would like me to!

I have encountered horrible things being said in real life but I can't recall a time on here. Thank God. I really find solace on this board so I can't imagine!
I'll have to find them again, I'll do some searching if I get bored this afternoon!!
I highly doubt the people who wrote these things were intentionally trying to offend anyone, but some days I'm just more sensitive then others

Quote:
Originally Posted by future_adoption_mommy View Post
Do you mind if I post on this? I agree with you Katie.

I agree with you, birth mothers (most of them anyway) are selfless loving women who wanted what was best for their children. If I adopt, I for one will be glad to include my children's birth mothers in their lives.

Great post
I think there are lots of open adoptions where the children really benefit from having their birth parents in their lives, even if it's just a few letters here and there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jara View Post
I was wondering if I could post on this also.. I'm not a birth mom.. or an adoptive mom. Although my nephew came to us through adoption. My sister and the birth mother have an open adoption, and I think it's wonderful!

The Young Lady who choose my sister and BIL to parent her child.. in my opinion is the MOST amazing woman on the face the earth! I have never met her..nor probably ever will.. but the gift she has given my family is one.. well.. just can't be topped. She is a younger woman.. but had to make one of the hardest decisions ever.. and I thank her every day for that.

This woman and my sister have an Amazing relationship... they talk on the phone often and she gets picture of Little guy as often as she'd like.

Anyways.. sorry I went off on a little tagent.. :-) I wanted to THANK YOU for the gift you gave someone else. I, personally, have never had to make that choice, but I can only imagine how hard it was for you and still is. I believe you have every right (if it's an option adoption and the the adoptive parents agree) to get as many pictures, videos and what ever you want after the birth of your child.

Once again.. Thank you for the gift that you chose to give someone else.. the gift of a family that they wouldn't have otherwise been able to have..
Thanks for sharing your sister's story! It brought tears to my eyes! I love hearing postive stories regarding Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents!

And thank you for your kind words!!!

All you sweet ladies cheered me up
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Katie
Momma to Matthew 4-15-09
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  #8  
August 23rd, 2010, 09:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Claysgirl View Post
Great post
I think there are lots of open adoptions where the children really benefit from having their birth parents in their lives, even if it's just a few letters here and there.
Something I read in an adoption blog, is birth mothers (usually) don't want to be co-parents with their birth child, they just want to know how he/she is doing as they grow up.
__________________


Thank you to the wonderful ladies who mad the blinkies!

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude..... These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are percisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character and increase our compassion for others."
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  #9  
August 23rd, 2010, 02:02 PM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 823
Quote:
Originally Posted by future_adoption_mommy View Post
Something I read in an adoption blog, is birth mothers (usually) don't want to be co-parents with their birth child, they just want to know how he/she is doing as they grow up.
EXACTLY!!!
I gave up my rights as a Mother, I don't want to step in and try to parent. I just want to know about her, and know that she is doing well, and I want to be here if she ever has questions. My hope is that one day (when she is an adult) we can be friends.
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Katie
Momma to Matthew 4-15-09
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  #10  
August 25th, 2010, 10:39 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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^^^Same here! Although I am honored that her mom invites me in for some things, overall I just want to know her.
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