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What is the hardest.....
Thing for you to remember about your birth child? The first time I looked into her eyes.... Just knowing it would be so short...
Holiday to get through? Mother's Day, by far...
Feat you've ever had to overcome, throughout your adoption? Being able to hear Katie call her adoptive mother Mommy. That hurt. But I was able to get past that and know that she is her mother... and she deserves to be called Mommy.
Emotion you are battling right now? Pain. I miss her dearly. My heart ached for her on Mother's Day. I felt incomplete. I was missing a part of my heart...
Emotion you've ever had to battle, concerning the adoption? Love. I know love is such a great thing... I just love her so much that it kills me to not have her with me. Now that I have my own girls... I see what exactly I missed out on, when she was a baby. I wish I was there to see her first steps, words etc.
Thing overall? Having to leave the hospital without her. That was so painful. It was a pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone, ever.
Thing for you to remember about your birth child? I don't remember a lot about the day he was born. I remember being in labor and delivery. A c-section was recommended. Don't remember much after leaving labor and delivery to go to surgery. I think it's because I had disassociated myself on purpose in order to protect myself. There's a picture of me holding him in recovery.. I don't remember that. I don't remember his first cry... all that sort of stuff. But the rest of my hospital stay I remember.. just his birth I don't remember... as hard as I try. I'll have to ask my mom what she remembers, she was in surgery with me.
Holiday to get through? Holidays are fine really because I have such a great relationship with my birthson and his A-parents. His brithday is a little tough.. but I call to tell him happy birthday.
Feat you've ever had to overcome, throughout your adoption? Explaining to my then almost 4 year old that the baby growing inside mommy wasn't coming home with us.
Emotion you are battling right now? Not a good question for me right now, considering my emotions are raging due to being pregnant. I'd say the hardest emotion right now is.. anxiety.
Emotion you've ever had to battle, concerning the adoption? Fear... fear that he would hate me for giving him up. But here we are 15 years later.. and he's an awesome young man.. he's looking forward to his two half brothers to be born. And he tells me he loves me at the end of our phone conversations or visits.
Thing overall? with the adoption?? Probably the exact thing that Sarah (muslim_mum) mentioned. And that is.. I've always stumbled on my words when folks ask me how many children I have. I get asked a lot lately because I'm pregnant.. the usual "Is this your first?"... So I just say, "No, it's 4 and 5" LOL Who cares what the cashier at the grocery store knows or thinks.. she hasn't a clue about my life.. and never will.. so what does it matter what I tell her, right?? Most everybody in my life at this point knows I gave a son up.. so I just include him in the count every time. And ya know what.. it feels much better.