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  #1  
February 4th, 2008, 10:22 AM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
I would like to make our stories visible to lurkers as well. I think alot of girls that are facing difficult decisions could benefit from our stories. If you are comfortable, please share here. I will try to get it stickied.
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  #2  
February 4th, 2008, 03:55 PM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
Here's my story.. the short version, believe it or not.



A little back ground first:

From the age of 12 I was on drugs. We all know that sex typically goes hand and hand with drugs. I quickly became a drug addict an my parents were forced to make a decision to move out of state to get me away from all of the drugs. I moved to TX (my home state) at the age of 14. I quickly found drugs there as well. Was back on them and started to get worse. Several unfortunate events happened that forced my parents to place me in a rehab clinic. I was in and out of that clinic 7 times... and eventually I was placed into a long-term clinic. I was there for 3 months, until my insurance ran out and my parents could no longer afford to keep me there. I came out completely clean. I stayed clean.

I quickly started to try and rebuild my life. I had to make all new friends to stay away from those drugs. That was VERY difficult living in the same town as all of them. I ran into them almost daily. I had no choice but to not leave my house in order to stay clean. As you can imagine, this led to severe depression. Through TONS of prayer.. I have not relapsed to this day....

When I was 17, I met a friend who introduced me to a guy named Dustin. We spoke for 2 weeks on the phone before we met. We quickly fell in love. We were having sex almost immediately. We found out we were pregnant only three months into our relationship. When that test came up positive, I freaked. I cried. We both had no idea what to do. He stayed there to comfort me and explore our options. We both immediately ruled out abortion. He mentioned adoption and I told him I could never do that.

The next few days, my mom took me to a clinic to get the test confirmed. The receptionist mentioned adoption to me. They technically were not allowed to mention an options to me. (both her and Dustin mentioned an adoption agency called The Gladney Center for Adoption. This is a home that a girl can go live free of charge- food, medical, EVERYTHING is free. You can fly in from all over the country to Texas to go live there... completely confidential). I felt as if God was trying to tell me something.. I mean TWO people mentioned the same place.. So, I got online. I looked up all the info. I thought about it really hard. I figured I would go and at least see what I thought. I moved in to the home in Sept of 2000. My due date was March of 2001. Dustin would pick me up on weekends so I could get out. He stayed with me.. and stood behind me 100%. I am so blessed. My parents were behind me 100%. His parents not so much....

I lived the next nine months in this dorm full of pregnant girls. It helped so much to be around people that were experiencing the same emotions I was. I picked her parents when I was approx 24 weeks. Her mother came into town to meet us in Jan. to see the sonogram. That is when we saw that she was a girl.... that is also when our decision was 100% confirmed. Seeing her in such joy, made me realize what I was doing for this family. She had suffered 5 miscarriages and they had a son that was adopted as well. From then on, we became the closest of friends. We spoke daily.

On March 23, 2001, Katherine Elizabeth Ann entered this world. A whopping 8lbs 4oz. The moment I saw her, I thought to myself that I wanted to just take her and go home.... then my very next thought was... "No, she deserves SO MUCH MORE". I was only 18. I had no job. I could NOT care for a child. Our relationship would not have lasted either. We proceeded to call her parents and tell them of the new arrival. They began to make their way to TX.

On March 25, I signed my parental rights over. That was so hard. I had to remind myself that I was doing what was best for HER. I kept saying that over and over.. 'this is what is best for HER'. On the same day, we made our way over to let her new parents meet her. It was so bittersweet. I was SOOOO excited for them. At the same time, our (me and Dustin) heart broke terribly because we were leaving our baby girl. We stayed and visited for nearly 4 hours. Then, I decided that I had to go. It was just time. I handed her to her parents... tears streaming down my face. I turned around and walked out the door.. falling into my mothers arms. BAWLING. I cried the entire way home and for weeks to follow. The entire time repeating in my head "this is what is best for her".

Dustin and I are so blessed to have her family. They have requested that we keep it 100% open. We see her frequently. She lives only 6 hrs away and we drive to see her yearly if not more. She was the flower girl at our wedding and her mother was my maid of honor. We have a great relationship. They have changed my life 100%. My life has done a complete 180. I am a Christian now.... and I live my life alot differently.

I have taken this even further and I mentor the other birth mothers that are facing the same decision. I encourage them to think about their child. Keep the focus on that baby.. that is what is most important. I attended a support group for 6 years. I no longer do because I moved out of state (Dustin is now in the Navy)... but I still keep in contact with most of them.

We now have two more girls. They know Katie (that is her name). They know that she is their sister. We are so blessed.


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  #3  
February 9th, 2008, 08:49 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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A Birth Mother's Pain...

I was 16 when I first crossed the street to my neighbor's house. I was 16 when I sat down in his living room and tipped back a bottle of alcohol. I was 16 when I put the drugs into my body. I was 16 when I was raped. I was 16 when I got pregnant with a baby produced by a terrible, vicious attack.

I was a junior in high school and in complete denial. I finished the school year oblivious to what was going on in my body, hiding everything from everyone. School let out for the summer and I continued to deny it throughout the break. I started showing and still hid it from those around me and even myself. It wasn't until the school year started that I woke up to the situation and told someone. I decided I wanted an abortion but at that point I was in my 6th month and obviously abortion was no longer an option. I decided that adoption was the only path for me. I could allow myself to heal from my terrible ordeal, continue school, and I could help someone out. I was not capable of being a mom to this baby that I despised. It was really the best option, the only option for me really.

She was born December 4th, 1998. When she was born I saw her laying in the bassinet across the room from me and I knew instantly that I loved her, that I wanted the best for her. I still did not have an adoptive family picked out for her but had narrowed it down. Once she was born and I met her I knew which family was right. The adoption agency called a divorced woman who was unable to have children of her own due to improper placement of an IUD. The stress of not being able to have children had led to her divorce but she still wanted to adopt. She had support from her two sisters; one of which had also adopted her only baby girl and the other of which was happily interracially married with two "mixed" children. She also had the support of her live in mother. I knew my sweet interracial baby would flourish in this close knit extended family.

They drove the four hours to meet us and I knew instantly that they were the family for her. We talked in the hospital for hours. It was an instant bond. When I left the hospital 2 days later I was content and settled into my decision. The papers were signed on December 7th, 1998. I was invited to their hotel room for the goodbyes. I held this pretty baby that I had given birth to in my arms and cried...I cried over my loss, I cried for her better future, I cried for this mother's dreams being answered, I cried over my childhood and innocence being torn from me, and I cried for my mom who was sitting next to me crying for the loss of her first grandchild. It was hard, I won't lie.

I walked out of that room but I didn't walk away from her. I see my birth daughter Olivia Margaret at least once a year. I IM with her and her mom, we email each other, we write cards and letters and send pictures, we even talk on the phone. It is a very open, very loving adoption. Olivia even calls me her second mom lol. It is a very open adoption.

I recently gave birth to my first child after giving birth to Olivia. Leila was born just three days after Olivia's 9th birthday. It was hard going through this pregnancy which in retrospect so resembled the way I felt 9 years earlier. However, the sadness I felt then was joy and elation this time. The dread and misery was happiness. It was hard to feel such feelings and know that if Olivia had been with different circumstances I could have felt that way about her. It was hard and has made me re-feel everything I felt with Olivia again.

In spite of all of this I would without a doubt say that if I could live it all over again I would. I would have all this hurt, this hole in my heart, so that Olivia's mom Sara could feel the love I have for Leila. I would do it all so that Olivia could know the better life she is living with her mom. I now know I would not have been capable of giving her what she needed then.

I will be visiting my birth daughter Olivia for the first time since Leila was born in just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to introducing her to her "sister". I am looking forward to hugging her with all my heart with my new insight. And I am looking forward to telling her mom that I am happy that she is her mom.
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  #4  
February 27th, 2008, 01:42 PM
tsxylilmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Sumner, Washington
Posts: 9,928
Here's my story.....

Back in the middle of Sept of 2004 my boyfriend (of a little less then a year) and I split up. I ended up dateing a co-worker in Dec of 04 and I thought it would last. Then on March 1st of 05 our place of employment was burnt to the ground. It was my boyfriends best friend that did it. Well there was a whole bunch of crap going on and he up and just disapeared to Calf. when I was about 3 months pregnant. My girls and I ended up having to move out of our apartment and in with my sister and her boyfriend and 2 kids and she was pregnant as well. I ended up getting another job and contuined to try to get ahead. I had started talking to my former boyfriend and he had even helped me move. We contuined talking but not getting serious about our relationship again. When I was 5 months pregnant my mom got really sick and had to be hospitalized (she had cancer). I of course went over to Montanna to be with my mom her last few days and stayed for the funeral. Well when I got home I found out I no longer had a job. I was a emotional reck. I knew that I couldn't take care of a new baby both emotionally and finacially so I made the desicion to give her up for adoption when I was about 6 months pregnant.

I got enough courage and called a adoption agency and talked to a really nice lady. She said that she had the perfect couple that matched what I wanted. So we set up a confrence type call and I talked to the couple on the phone for about a hour just asking them all kinds of questions. After that I thought about this couple for a few days and then called the agency back and said that I wanted them to be my baby's parents. I got to call and tell them and they where thrilled. She couldn't have children and they where in there 30's and really wanted a baby. They where actually in the process of trying to adopt out of the country because they had no luck here in the United States. So I made there dream come true. I talked to her adoptive mom a few more times on the phone and we talked about what to name her and all kinds of things. I really had my heart set on giving her my moms middle name and her adoptive mom agreed. We then picked out her first name togeather.


Well then I got back togeather with my former boyfriend when I was 7 months prganant. He was willing to help me raise her and my other two girls but I had already chose her parents and set in my decision. He told me that he would support me in whatever I wanted to do.


I had a scheduled C-section for Nov 14th so on Nov. 12th 2005 her adoptive parents flew to WA and I meant them for the first time on Nov. 13th. They came over to our house in the morning and spent a few hours there with my older girls and I and then left to go pick the a-mom's mom up from the airport and then we all (including my boyfriend and my sister) went out to dinner that night. I went in at 6am on Nov 14th and had Lainey Jane at 8:11 am. She was 6lbs 13oz and 19in long. Smaller then both my other girls. Her adoptive mom was in the OR with me and got to be there to see her born which was really special to her and she also stayed in the hospital with me.

I signed my right over on Nov. 16th and saw her one last time on the 17th. We went out to dinner with them and then back to there hotel for a few hours. I heald her the whole time and got some pictures. When it was time to go and I handed her back to her dad my heart was breaking. I didn't cry until after we walked out the door and then I just let it all go. They left the next day to go back home to Kansas.

I have a wonderful open adoption. Her parents don't hide that she is adopted or who her birth family is. She knows that she has sisters. Her parents send my other two girls cards and presents on the holidays and of course I do the same. I haven't seen her in person since she was 4 days old. But I get a ton of pictures and talk to her mom through e-mail. I talked to Lainey for the first time a few days after her 2nd birthday back in Nov 07. I was so happy to hear her voice. Her parents love her to death and I know that I chose to do the right thing for her.

I had a baby girl about 7 months ago and yes I am scared though about when she gets older and her resenting me for having another baby after her. But l know that her mom will do a good job in raising her to be a strong woman and let her know what I did was out of love for her. That I chose life for her and a good family.

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  #5  
June 5th, 2008, 01:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 4,990
Hi ladies

I came to check out what this board was and anyhow I just want to say that I think you are all very brave and special for giving another family the hope they were looking for and for rebuilding your lives after difficult times.
Hugs
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I have 4 daughters and 1 Son Courtney 17, Amy 15, Emily 8, Lily 5 & Maxton
Baby Max is here 18th Nov 2008 5lb
s 14oz


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  #6  
June 27th, 2008, 05:13 AM
Live4Love's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 993
Hello ladies. I am new to JustMommies and I was posting in the Nov DDC when Melissa came on and suggested that I join this forum. I'm glad that she did because it's always nice to know that there are other women out there who have experienced similiar things. Honestly, I don't talk about this much because it's still hard for me, but I do agree that if there are other women out there who find themselves in similiar situations, it might help for them to read our stories and I'd like to share mine...

Sex has always been really important to me and I always wanted to wait until I was married before I lost my virginity. Through high school, I always saw how sex would destroy my friends when they'd go through a break up with the guys. I was so worried that it'd happen to me - you lose your virginity, lose the guy, lose a part of you. Anyway, my decision to not have sex until marriage was usually respected by my boyfriends. (if it wasn't, the relationship ended because of it)

In college, I became serious with my boyfriend. He was very supportive of my decision. Due to financial issues, he joined the Army to help pay for his college. When he went off to Basic Training, I was hanging out more and more with my co-workers and friends from school. I got into the drinking/party college scene. I had gotten myself really really drunk a few times, but I was always with a group of friends that I trusted, so it was never a problem. One night, I was soo drunk to go home and one of my male co-workers offered to drive me home. Both of my roommates were out of town, so nobody was expecting me. I don't remember everything... I remember riding in his car, I remember that I threw up, then the next thing I remember was him on top of me. He had taken off my underwear and I had a skirt on, he left the rest of my clothes on. I kept saying no and trying to yell for help, but I was in a strange room that was not familiar and he had music playing really loud. I pushed and squirmed... I threw up again... I had enough fight in me to prevent him from fully entering me. He finally got so annoyed with me not cooperating that he "finished" himself off on me. Then, he knocked me off of the bed and he fell asleep. I stayed on his floor rolled up in a ball crying until I was positive that he was asleep. I was still disoriented, but I was too scared to stay there.

It must have been around 4am when I walked outside of his house and realized what neighborhood I was in. I walked all the way home. For once, I was really thankful that my roommates were away because I just wanted to pretend like it never happened. I took a shower and tried to forget it. I had really bad bruising on my wrists and around my inner thighs/pelvic area. I went into a bit of depression, but I still didn't tell anyone. I quit my job because I didn't want to see the guy ever again. I did get an IM from him that said something along the lines of "I knew that I could get the virgin to want me. You were a little too tight for me to do much, but it was good. I hope you enjoyed yourself" I instantly believed that nobody would believe me if I told them what really happened, so I just decided not to ever mention it. Well... the problem is that I ended up pregnant from the attack.

Since he was not "successful" in getting all the way inside of me and since he had finished himself, I was confused whether or not it really even counted as "rape" because my impression of rape was a complete, unwanted sexual act. Mine had been an incomplete, unwanted sexual act... so I didn't know if that counted as rape. I was very confused as to how I got pregnant also, since he didn't enter me fully and he had finished outside. My first OB appt, the OB told me that my hymen was still fully intact, and that I was a rare case. (Not unheard of because of pre-cum, but rare) Apparently, the guy had quit and moved... disappeared... even the friends he had didn't know where he had moved. I was scared, embarassed, and I did not know what to do. All of my friends were telling me to get an abortion, but I just couldn't get the thought out of my head that what happened to me was not my fault, but it was definitely not the baby's fault either. I finally made the difficult decision for adoption. Honestly, throughout the pregnancy there were moments when I'd debate whether to keep the baby or not. One of my biggest fears was that the baby would remind me of the guy and the rape... I was in no position to be a mother though. She deserved better. So I did decide to go through with the adoption - to a couple that was infertile.

When my boyfriend returned from Basic Training, I was pregnant and explained to him what had happened. He was very supportive and understanding, but he had to leave again to report to his new duty station, so I did go through with this situation pretty much alone. I developed a panic attack disorder from everything, so my last three months of pregnancy were spent as a shut in... every time I'd leave the house, I'd suffer from an awful panic attack. I delivered via c-section and the whole thing was extremely difficult. Handing her over and signing the official paperwork was so so challenging, but I tried to stay focused on the baby, rather than myself. I was in therapy once a week for a while and eventually I was able to overcome the panic attacks.

I do see pictures of the little girl every once in a while. It is still kind of hard because her eyes are identical to her biological father's, so sometimes when I see her, I look into the eyes and think about the rape. She is soooo happy and the adoptive parents are also. Even though the events leading up to their happiness were very difficult for me, their happiness is priceless and that's what lets me know that I made the right decision.

I stayed with the boyfriend of mine for years and we are married now. We have been married for a year and a half, and are now pregnant with our own baby and I'm due in November.
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  #7  
June 27th, 2008, 09:40 AM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
Quote:
Hello ladies. I am new to JustMommies and I was posting in the Nov DDC when Melissa came on and suggested that I join this forum. I'm glad that she did because it's always nice to know that there are other women out there who have experienced similiar things. Honestly, I don't talk about this much because it's still hard for me, but I do agree that if there are other women out there who find themselves in similiar situations, it might help for them to read our stories and I'd like to share mine...

Sex has always been really important to me and I always wanted to wait until I was married before I lost my virginity. Through high school, I always saw how sex would destroy my friends when they'd go through a break up with the guys. I was so worried that it'd happen to me - you lose your virginity, lose the guy, lose a part of you. Anyway, my decision to not have sex until marriage was usually respected by my boyfriends. (if it wasn't, the relationship ended because of it)

In college, I became serious with my boyfriend. He was very supportive of my decision. Due to financial issues, he joined the Army to help pay for his college. When he went off to Basic Training, I was hanging out more and more with my co-workers and friends from school. I got into the drinking/party college scene. I had gotten myself really really drunk a few times, but I was always with a group of friends that I trusted, so it was never a problem. One night, I was soo drunk to go home and one of my male co-workers offered to drive me home. Both of my roommates were out of town, so nobody was expecting me. I don't remember everything... I remember riding in his car, I remember that I threw up, then the next thing I remember was him on top of me. He had taken off my underwear and I had a skirt on, he left the rest of my clothes on. I kept saying no and trying to yell for help, but I was in a strange room that was not familiar and he had music playing really loud. I pushed and squirmed... I threw up again... I had enough fight in me to prevent him from fully entering me. He finally got so annoyed with me not cooperating that he "finished" himself off on me. Then, he knocked me off of the bed and he fell asleep. I stayed on his floor rolled up in a ball crying until I was positive that he was asleep. I was still disoriented, but I was too scared to stay there.

It must have been around 4am when I walked outside of his house and realized what neighborhood I was in. I walked all the way home. For once, I was really thankful that my roommates were away because I just wanted to pretend like it never happened. I took a shower and tried to forget it. I had really bad bruising on my wrists and around my inner thighs/pelvic area. I went into a bit of depression, but I still didn't tell anyone. I quit my job because I didn't want to see the guy ever again. I did get an IM from him that said something along the lines of "I knew that I could get the virgin to want me. You were a little too tight for me to do much, but it was good. I hope you enjoyed yourself" I instantly believed that nobody would believe me if I told them what really happened, so I just decided not to ever mention it. Well... the problem is that I ended up pregnant from the attack.

Since he was not "successful" in getting all the way inside of me and since he had finished himself, I was confused whether or not it really even counted as "rape" because my impression of rape was a complete, unwanted sexual act. Mine had been an incomplete, unwanted sexual act... so I didn't know if that counted as rape. I was very confused as to how I got pregnant also, since he didn't enter me fully and he had finished outside. My first OB appt, the OB told me that my hymen was still fully intact, and that I was a rare case. (Not unheard of because of pre-cum, but rare) Apparently, the guy had quit and moved... disappeared... even the friends he had didn't know where he had moved. I was scared, embarassed, and I did not know what to do. All of my friends were telling me to get an abortion, but I just couldn't get the thought out of my head that what happened to me was not my fault, but it was definitely not the baby's fault either. I finally made the difficult decision for adoption. Honestly, throughout the pregnancy there were moments when I'd debate whether to keep the baby or not. One of my biggest fears was that the baby would remind me of the guy and the rape... I was in no position to be a mother though. She deserved better. So I did decide to go through with the adoption - to a couple that was infertile.

When my boyfriend returned from Basic Training, I was pregnant and explained to him what had happened. He was very supportive and understanding, but he had to leave again to report to his new duty station, so I did go through with this situation pretty much alone. I developed a panic attack disorder from everything, so my last three months of pregnancy were spent as a shut in... every time I'd leave the house, I'd suffer from an awful panic attack. I delivered via c-section and the whole thing was extremely difficult. Handing her over and signing the official paperwork was so so challenging, but I tried to stay focused on the baby, rather than myself. I was in therapy once a week for a while and eventually I was able to overcome the panic attacks.

I do see pictures of the little girl every once in a while. It is still kind of hard because her eyes are identical to her biological father's, so sometimes when I see her, I look into the eyes and think about the rape. She is soooo happy and the adoptive parents are also. Even though the events leading up to their happiness were very difficult for me, their happiness is priceless and that's what lets me know that I made the right decision.

I stayed with the boyfriend of mine for years and we are married now. We have been married for a year and a half, and are now pregnant with our own baby and I'm due in November.[/b]


HUGE, HUGE

I am so glad that you decided to post here. This group of ladies are such a wonderful support. We are a little slow on the board, but we try. It's hard with so few birth moms actually posting. Alot are not even aware that this board is here.

You are such a strong person. You endured something that NO ONE should have to endure.. and on top of that, you made the most responsible choice for your child. That says alot about who you are as a person... and I respect that so much.
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  #8  
August 1st, 2008, 12:19 AM
Regular
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1
First of all... let me say hi, this is my first post

I had a rough childhood. When i was 18 i got pregnant with my daughter, i told my mom because i thought she'ed be happy for me, instead she told me to giv her up for adoption, i refused and 9 months later on April 13,2006 Kristal Shadow Mayhew entered the world, all 6pounds 4 and a half ounces, of her. 6 months and 1 week later i was addmitted against my will to a mental health facility, i lost my baby to Child Protective Services a few days later, i never hurt my child and i feel that the best thing for the love of my life is to stay with her foster mom, and let the woman adopt.

what hurts the most is my MOM is a betrayer. She caused me to miss Kristal crawling for the first time, her first word, her first steps. Angela, her foster mom, has already told me that she wants to agree to an open adoption. after many crying spells, and sleepless nights, i've made my decision, i'll let the woman adopt her IF it is an open adoption.

i cant take Kristal away from the only mother she's ever known, heck she calls my ''wissa'' because she cant pronounce my first name
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  #9  
August 3rd, 2008, 11:27 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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Michelle and Melissa(I assume because of the "Wissa")your stories are heartbreaking. Michelle I fully understand your heartbreak...my birth daughter was conceived from rape as well. It is such a hard, impossible experience. Not only are you mourning the loss of your child but you are also recovering from a violent scenario. If you ever need to talk PM me.

Melissa I hope everything works out. Try to iron out some details about what "open" means to you so that there isn't conflict later. Overall though, it just takes patience, understanding, and a willingness to communicate and take things as they are. Please keep us up to date about how things are going for you.

This board is great...we have some very supportive girls on here. Welcome! Please post about anything you are thinking, feeling, whatever!
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  #10  
December 12th, 2008, 09:12 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 823
I'm going to give the short version of my story...

I was 16 and I was dating Taylor. I was SOO in love and we were going to be together forever (funny how the teenage mind works) It was August 2002, about 2 weeks before the start of my senior year and I found out I was pregnant. I was a stupid teenager, didn't even keep track of my periods. Woke up one day and said to him, I think I might be pregnant. I'm not sure why but I had a feeling. He said no your not, but lets go by a test to calm you down. I peed on the stick and set the timer. The timer went off, I never even looked at the test, he did...and I saw the look on his face and burst into tears. After a week or so, it had finally sunk in. Taylor was great and very supportive. Both of us agreed that abortion wasn't an option for us, so we figured we would keep the baby. I finally told my Mom....she was pretty upset, first thing out of her mouth was "do you want an abortion?" This took me by surprise because I grew up Catholic; my Mom went to church every week etc. She urged me to look into all my options and I agreed. I did some research online and found a place called Options; it's a resource center for pregnant women. Taylor and I went and the lady there had us watch a movie about adoption. It was a horrible cheesy made in the 80's movie.....yeah right. She gave us a list of local agencies and we left.

I gave this list to my Mom, I had no intention of following up on adoption. Adoption to me was what you saw on these talk shows....I haven't seen my child in 30 years etc....yeah right I was NOT doing that!!! My Mom went down the list, and got answering machines at every one until the second the last, an agency called Christian Family Services. She set up an appointment for us to go meet with the adoption coordinator, Pam. The CFS office was across town, so Pam came to meet us as a Denny's half way. I had a horrible attitude towards Pam, after all this lady was going to try to take my baby away. I don't really remember anything from the first meeting, but I agreed to keep meeting with Pam. Pam was great, never pressured me into anything. She gave me lots of information on adoption; I didn't know you could have an open adoption....that sparked my interest. Fast forward a few months to December. I found out I was having a girl. I was hysterical. At this point I had pretty much decided on adoption, but seeing that baby on the screen and knowing it was a girl just made it all to real for me. I changed my mind, no adoption, I'm keeping this baby. Pam said that is fine, but let’s keep meeting, at this point she was a friend and a great support system. We continued to meet every week, usually talking about the pregnancy, school, life etc. Then it was the end of February, I called Pam the day before our scheduled meeting and told her I wanted to look at families. I must have looked through 50 plus families, none of them were right. Half of the profiles were so fake it made me sick. I told her I was done, obviously this wasn't meant to be. She said hold on, just one more. She said this family called her this morning and asked to be removed from the list. They had a baby placed with them in August and after almost 3 months the birth father came back into the picture and wanted the baby back. They couldn't deal with the disappointment anymore. But Pam had a feeling, and she was right. Just looking at the front cover I knew it was right. A few weeks later at that same Denny's we met Jay, Julie and their daughter Jessie. We clicked, they were amazing, Jesse (who was adopted at birth) was only 5 and knew she was adopted, knew her birth parents....it was great!

Fast forward some more....baby was due April 28th....the night of my Senior Prom, April 25, I was laying in bed and I heard a pop....got up walked around and guess what....my water had broke.
Called Taylor, got my Mom, we rushed to the hospital. Hours went by, nothing was happening. They had to induce me. Finally on April 26th at 3:09 PM, my beautiful Rebecca was born weighing 7 lbs 2 ounces. We spent 2 amazing days at the hospital with her. Then it was time to say goodbye. Jay, Julie and Jesse were waiting in the hall way. I couldn’t' do it, couldn't let her go. She was the most beautiful, amazing person. And she was a part of me, how could I do this? How could I let her go? Then it hit me, this isn't about me. It's about her. I can love her, and give her what she needs, but she deserves more. She deserves parents who can give her everything she wants too! I couldn't hand her over; I said goodbye and Taylor brought her out to Jay and Julie.
I went home and sat in bed, cried for a week. My Mom had to drag me out; I had to go back to school. Only 2 weeks left. It was rough...but I made it through, got my diploma, and got back in bed. Depression really hit in....it was a long summer.

5.5 years later here I am. Rebecca is a beautiful little girl, with a very spunky personality and my love of hot sauce and shoes Taylor and I broke up when she was 2, but we remain great friends. I'm now in love with a great man, and we are expecting our first child together. I often tell people that this little guy is my first, mainly to avoid having to tell strangers all the details, not that I'm ashamed, it's just not always worth it. In many ways this guy is my first, he is my first child that I get to actually raise, and this pregnancy is very different!
Rebecca knows she is getting a little half brother soon and she is thrilled. We have a semi-open adoption. Lots of letters and pictures and visits every so often. She is a little older now, and loves seeing me, often she asks her Mom when she gets to see me next and they call to schedule the visits. Jay and Julie are amazing people, I love them very much. And Rebecca...well of course I love her, more then life itself

Rebecca :


Me and Rebecca a while back:


Baby


Just born


Preggo

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  #11  
December 20th, 2008, 02:57 PM
Veteran
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Posts: 188
The first time I saw my fiancee in a year and a half, I got pregnant. We ended up moving our wedding up a year because of my pregnancy. At 5 months along, he and I decided that it would be best for our son to give him up for adoption. He and I have a stable relationship, we are happy together, but we are both also active duty military. Even being married, I haven't seen him since August. So, I am now 36 weeks pregnant with my son who we are relinquishing custody of 48 hours after delivery. It's an open adoption to a friend of my husband's family... He will know us and why he isn't with us, but not until he's a little older and ready to deal with it. It's definitely not something I'm proud of, and it's a very short story... but there it is.
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<span style="font-family:Arial Narrow"><div align="center">My name is Sarah, I am 19 years old

I am a proud member of the United States Air Force

I am a very proud wife of a member of the United States Air Force

We are giving our baby up for adoption because someone
can give him better than we can

My son is due on January 18, 2009 and I love him
more than life</div>"]</span>
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  #12  
December 20th, 2008, 05:51 PM
tsxylilmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Sumner, Washington
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Quote:
The first time I saw my fiancee in a year and a half, I got pregnant. We ended up moving our wedding up a year because of my pregnancy. At 5 months along, he and I decided that it would be best for our son to give him up for adoption. He and I have a stable relationship, we are happy together, but we are both also active duty military. Even being married, I haven't seen him since August. So, I am now 36 weeks pregnant with my son who we are relinquishing custody of 48 hours after delivery. It's an open adoption to a friend of my husband's family... He will know us and why he isn't with us, but not until he's a little older and ready to deal with it. It's definitely not something I'm proud of, and it's a very short story... but there it is.[/b]
HI Sarah, if you need to talk to someone my e-mail is tsxylilmomma@comcast.net
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  #13  
December 22nd, 2008, 06:02 AM
amholb0's Avatar Mrs.Fitz
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Central KY
Posts: 301
Quote:
The first time I saw my fiancee in a year and a half, I got pregnant. We ended up moving our wedding up a year because of my pregnancy. At 5 months along, he and I decided that it would be best for our son to give him up for adoption. He and I have a stable relationship, we are happy together, but we are both also active duty military. Even being married, I haven't seen him since August. So, I am now 36 weeks pregnant with my son who we are relinquishing custody of 48 hours after delivery. It's an open adoption to a friend of my husband's family... He will know us and why he isn't with us, but not until he's a little older and ready to deal with it. It's definitely not something I'm proud of, and it's a very short story... but there it is.[/b]
I know this is hard to think about right now but, you should be proud that you are giving your baby the best life you can. Being strong enough to let go is something to be proud of. ***HUGS*** Also, if you need to talk my email is amholb0@yahoo.com
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  #14  
January 19th, 2009, 01:13 PM
szczepanski's Avatar nakmaster
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Location: Western NY
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In April of 2003, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years and I thought that my life was going to END because we weren't together anymore. I met another guy and we started dating in July. It was a long distance thing and it worked for me because to visit him, I could escape from what was going on around me. When we started having sex, I didn't really want to but I thought if I did, that he would love me (and thats what I was really looking forward to). I got pregnant during labor day weekend and realized about a month and a half later. I thought to myself "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!". At this point, the guy and I were not really talking (not a bad falling out, just not interested in the long distance thing anymore). I felt like I was finally getting my life back on track and here I was, pregnant and 19.

When I was about 5 months pregnant, I told him what was going on. Immediately, he said that it wasn't his and that he was sorry that I was trying to "pin it on him". I knew, even when telling him, that I was going to be giving the baby up for adoption. So I wasn't too hurt by what he was saying, just hurt for the baby.

I gave birth on May 28th and found out it was a little girl. She weighed in at 7lbs, 2 oz and the moment that I held her, I knew that I was making the right decision. My dad was waiting right outside the door during delivery and when he saw me holding her, he kept saying to me "We can do this if you really want to." You would think this would have made my decision even harder, but it made it so much easier.

I met with an adoption counselor the next morning and she brought in profiles of families. I looked through them all in the room and passed them around to each family member and had them each choose one. I wanted this it be OUR decision since my whole family would be involved in this. We all chose the same family.

They lived about 3 hours away from the hospital and the adoption counselor left immediately to give her a call. She came back about 15 minutes later, very frustrated and said that she was unable to get in touch with her but she would try back in a few minutes. 5 minutes later, her cell rang and she ducked out into the hallway. It turns out the adoptive mom, a flight attendant, was actually in town and was getting ready to board a flight. She just happened to check her messages and she was on her way. Her husband was back at home and she had to send her neighbor to go find him on the golf course to tell him what was going on.

The best moment was when Amy walked in the hospital room door. I had all of my family around me, we were all cooing over the baby and she came right in and sat down right next to me. We were talking and I asked her 'Do you want to hold your daughter?" and she said "Oh...its a GIRL??". She had been so excited that she hadn't even asked on the phone if it was a boy or a girl. Mike soon joined us a few hours later and seeing a marine hold a baby like he was going to break it was quite hilarious.

We have an open adoption, and although I don't live in NC any longer, they send me pictures every month. My grandparents live just an hour away and they are very involved in Kates life. 2 years ago, they adopted another little girl and Kate is just thriving being a big sister. She knows who I am and that she is adopted. I actually just got to visit her last week and she is just so smart. I told her that she was getting so big and she said "Well, I grow a little every night!".

My only fear is that I was unable to find the birth father to let him know what happened. I feel horribly guilty over it but it was his choice not to be involved I guess. Kate will be 5 this May and none of my information has changed (same email, same phone) so if he really wanted to know, he could have contacted me.

I am now getting married on Friday to an absolutely wonderful man. My soon to be hubby knows my whole story and he is very understanding and supportive about it. He wants to start a family in the next few months, which I am totally okay with. Kids are something that are very important to him and I. I am starting to worry how its going to feel to be pregnant again...to be excited...to have people to truly share with it...to get attached to the baby. I am also hoping that I can find a doctor that I can explain to them that I was pregnant before, but this is MY first pregnancy. I never took any sonogram pictures home, I never got excited over the heartbeat, I never wanted to know if it were a boy or a girl. So this time around, its all mine and Matt's and something we get to eagerly share together.

And that is my long story.
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  #15  
January 15th, 2010, 10:10 AM
xRainbowUKx's Avatar Regular
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Posts: 92
Wow. I have to be totally honest & say that before I read your stories I was thinking how could you. But I am sat here crying because what amazing brave women you all are. How hard it must have been to do it as you wanted your baby to have a better life. Huge hugs to each of you. How lovely that you have this board to be open & honest, and suppoort each other.
Thank you all for sharing. xxx
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  #16  
January 21st, 2010, 07:49 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xRainbowUKx View Post
Wow. I have to be totally honest & say that before I read your stories I was thinking how could you. But I am sat here crying because what amazing brave women you all are. How hard it must have been to do it as you wanted your baby to have a better life. Huge hugs to each of you. How lovely that you have this board to be open & honest, and suppoort each other.
Thank you all for sharing. xxx
I'm glad that reading our stories gave you a little more insight to why we made our decisions I think a lot of people have a huge misconception about Birth Moms. Many people seem to think we are low lifes, who don't care about our children, when really its the opposite. We want to give our children everything, and we weren't able to do that, so we gave them to parents who could provide that. So I'm glad you read our stories!!!
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  #17  
August 11th, 2010, 04:16 PM
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Coming from a hopeful adoptive mommy-to-be, I just want to say THANK YOU to you lovely ladies for sharing your stories. I have such a deep, deep respect for the decisions that you have all faced in your life. Lots of hugs coming your way, and may your lives be blessed!
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  #18  
August 30th, 2010, 12:04 AM
JMC1988's Avatar *Summer Loving*
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Hello Ladies!

Here is my story:


When I was 16, I met this wonderful boy. We spent most of the summer together and were almost always together. As Jesse and I became closer, falling in love with one another, one thing lead to another and the situation presented itself and we so thought that we were ready to have sex. Well, indeed one night that summer, we were alone, outside underneath the stars and one thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. We ended up getting pregnant. SO, we were indeed soo not ready to have taken thay step in our relationship.


Upon learning that I was pregnant, I immediately told Jesse and he never once said or did anything hurtful. We both took responsibility for our actions and considered our options. Both of our parents were very supportive and stood behind us, not matter what decision we made. Abortion NEVER once entered our minds. Kepping the baby did, but overall we decided adoption was best for our baby. Jesse and I knew that we were no where near mature enough at that time to raise a baby! My parents and his offered to help, but we could not put that burden on either of them!


SO, in the end Jesse and I decided to give our wonderful baby girl up for adoption! I went away to have my baby, as I didn't want to cause a ruckus around town! Kind of like they use to do a while back! I live in a small southern town, and people do like to gossip! I couldn't live w/ that, so my parents sent me to my Aunts house a few states over. Zoe Elizabeth (Cheyenne Hope) was born on August 11, 2004 at 3:13 a.m., after 12 hours of natural labor, weighing 6 lbs 8 oz and 21 inches long. That was one of the hardest days of mine and Jesse's life.


The adoption we chose was an open adoption, with a couple who had been trying for years to have a child of their own, after many losses and IVF attempts. I knew instantly upon meeting them, that Zoe was meant for them. Jesse and I signed our parental rights over on August 13 th and her adoptive parents came to our home to take her home with them. They gave Jesse and I as much time with her as we wanted, and it was a very long time, 4 hours and then I had to finally just let go and had her over. That was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever had to do in my life! Jesse and I her dearly, but were so not ready and able to give her the best life possible! I believe w/ all my heart that she is in a much better place and this is the best gift we could have given her! We wanted to give her the best life possible and knew we at 16 could not give her that. I gave her far more. My parents did consider taking her and raising her as my sister, but I knew I couldn't live w/ that choice either!


We receive various things from her parents every year and go up a few states each year for her birthday! Her parents are honest with her and she knows who Jess and I are. We are her "special" parents.


Jesse and I are no longer together, but after that summer and giving birth to our daughter, we dated and were in love until we turned 18 and then parted our ways, b/c dealing with Zoe's birth and the situation was too difficult on both of us. We still talk and are great friends and will always be connected. My story really is not a sad one, but still hurts the same way. My situation was the best one could hope for in my situation. I believe all things happen for a reason. Sometimes, I do not know why, but they just do. I never once said or think that this was a mistake. We made the actions and had to suffer the consequences.


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  #19  
August 30th, 2010, 09:13 AM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Hi Jennifer, thank you for sharing your beautiful story! It sounds like you have a great relationship with your daugther and her adoptive parents, I love hearing happy adoption stories!
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  #20  
August 30th, 2010, 10:56 AM
JMC1988's Avatar *Summer Loving*
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Claysgirl View Post
Hi Jennifer, thank you for sharing your beautiful story! It sounds like you have a great relationship with your daugther and her adoptive parents, I love hearing happy adoption stories!

Hi! It is nice to have someone to share it with. I indeed do have a great realtionship with Cheyenne and her adoptive parents, Trudy and James. Cheyenne's father and I have a great relationship with her and her parents, which I think is really amazing. She has grown into such a little girl that Jesse and I look at and know we could not have done anything better for our little girl! Thanks for welcoming me here!
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