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Until a few months ago, I really was happy with our house of blue. I love having boys. I wasn't really a super girly girl and never really pictured myself with girls. In the last few months though, it keeps hitting me more and more that I will probably never have a daughter. DH is done. He doesn't want to do the baby thing again. He doesn't want to get a bigger car. He doesn't want to make the kids share a bedroom, etc.
My mom held on to lots of her things as a kid, like porcelain tea sets, dolls, Barbies, and Barbie clothes she and my grandma made together. She passed all those on to me and I teasured them. I added some of my own dolls to the box and put it away assuming I'd have a daughter of my own to share them with. I don't. I couldn't give them to my nieces. They are so rough and tumble with everything. They destroy all their stuff. I can just picture them using the tea cups to dig in the dirt. They just don't value things at all. Their other grandma gave them a couple of beautiful kimonos (SIL is half Japanese). They ruined them within a month. They are 4 and 8.
I won't have a daughter to do all the things I did with my mom. I won't be able to do those mother/daughter things. I love my boys, but I am really starting to feel very incomplete. I feel really ungrateful. We're so lucky to have two happy, healthy kids. I have these fears that if I convinced DH to go for one more, it would be another boy, or the baby wouldn't be healthy.
Am I just being silly and selfish? Other boy mamas, do you have this issue ever?
Every once in a while he'll talk about something like a car with a third row seat, but just this morning, he was talking about how happy he is that E is much more of a toddler than a baby. He's full of mixed signals, but I really feel like he's leaning greatly towards no.
A big sticking point for him is sharing bedrooms. DH never even had his own bed until he was in middle school. The first time he had his own bedroom, he was 16. He grew up absolutely dirt poor. He has said many times that he'd never want kids to have to share a bedroom.
Even if you do have another there is no controlling the gender, no guarantees. I think you need to look deep within to find a balance, wait until they are older and find new things to share and treasure and make your own boy box to pass along one day. You can also consider sharing it with a female member within the family or down the road fostering or being a mentor to a girl. Girls come with their plusses and very dramatic minus' too.
I think it would be a bad idea to consider having another unless you would be totally happy with it being a boy. If you would both still want a third if it ends up being a boy, then it's the right choice. It's entirely possible that you would get a third son.
It sucks to want a certain gender and not have it, I was in your place before #3 and really didn't want to be done without having a daughter. But ultimately we both decided that even if it was a boy, we wanted to make our family a family of 5.
Don't close the door yet and keep working on your husband if you realize that you would still want another even if it's a boy. You could also end up with a girl who is rough and crazy like your nieces, there's no telling.
I hope you figure things out and have peace about your family, whatever that means. Being unhappy and feeling incomplete is a bad feeling.
I agree with the other girls. There is no guarantees on having that girl, you could have a 3 boy. So unless you would be happy with a 3rd boy then find a way to make those moments with your boys.
You could save those items and have special moments when your boys start having a family and they have a girl. You could also wait until your nieces are older so they understand the meaning of the items and will take care of them.
I also agree with your husband. It sounds like he want to give them a better life then he had. There is nothing wrong with that.The other thing I would check, is the income you have. Do you struggle now? If yes, why bring another child into that.
Everyonce in awhile I think of that girl I don't have. Then I realize, I can give all my time to my boys and make them the best men I can. Plus, we have other dreams we are working on and have another child would take away those dreams.
Personally, I can't imagine not having a boy and have never had any desire for a girl. Obviously any baby at all was my priority, but boy has always been my gender preference and U happen to luck out on both counts.
Like others have said, there is no gender guarantee. So, I wouldn't base your decision on that alone. I really hope you're able to come to peace with the third or not decision, whichever way you guys end up on that one.
As for the family keepsakes, I totally get where you're coming from there and wouldn't want them falling into unappreciative hands. I would either share them with your boys or hold on to them for maybe some future granddaughters.
ITA with Kristin... My pregnancy w B was a complete surprise and while I did *really* want a girl, I know we would have been happy with a 3rd boy. (Can't say my family would have felt the same..)
And who is to say you can't play with the dolls and tea set with the boys?? B isn't as big playing with her Barbies as C is. And with all the kitchen toys we have, C is the only one that will sit with me and having a quiet tea party without pouring things back and forth or trying to shove a bunch of cookies into the tea pot.
Heck at the moment, B is currently playing with hot wheels and a train set, and C is wearing an apron and vacuuming complaining about B's "cars making a mess".