[Lo_and_Behold]

For thise who are already mommies...
What kind of daytime schedule is your baby on? Are you flexible with it or is it a pretty rigid one?

I ask this b/c I'm still having issues w/my babysitter. Last night, I was thisclose to telling her to go scratch. She makes remarks about Allie being cranky that seem unfounded. I may not be w/her during the wk, but I am on the wknds & she just isn't. We dealt with some colicky issues for a while but ever since we changed formulas & since she's gotten older & started sleeping on her own, these seemed to have resolved. Last wknd, we dragged her from one store to another & she was good the whole day. The next day, we were at my ILs & it was hot as you know what & she was good as gold & even took a nap (and they don't even have A/C...crazy people!).

She claims Allie eats an oz, refuses the bottle, then 20 mins later, screams for more. This NEVER happens at home. She claims Allie wakes up screaming. NEVER happens at home. She talks about how cranky she is all the time. Really? Because she's not like that at home.

She criticized me for giving her a bottle whenever she cries which is completely unfounded. She told me Allie is old enough to express herself in other ways other than crying. Huh? I said we don't feed her every time she cries. But we play with her. We rotate her through her toys. We keep her entertained. She didn't have much to say about that which I feel confirms my husband's & my fears that she's not doing much with Allie all day (& then complaining when Allie cries out of boredom). This girl has a 21 month old & whenever I go there, she's always paying attention to her daughter & Allie's just hanging out in the swing or bouncer or Bumbo. I never see her engaged in anything.

This chick is really tough to talk too. It's like a dark cloud passes over her face whenever I try to say anything. I feel like she becomes defensive. But geez...she works for me. Not the other way around. I don't mind hearing parenting advice, but at the same time, don't try to tell me how to raise my child either. I'M her mother. I don't tell her how to raise her whining child.
Last night when I picked up Allie, the babysitter asked me to write down when Allie eats & keep a journal over the weekend of her activities because she thinks she's not on a schedule & she needs to be on one. So I'm being given homework by my employee When I told DH, he was like umm...shouldn't she be the one doing this since she's the one who's with her all day??

What do you guys think? What should I say? Do you think I'm in the wrong? Allie isn't really on a set schedule other than at bedtime. She's always in bed by 7:30-8. At this age, does her time need to be that accounted for? I really don't want to send her there anymore & we've been trying to find someone else until I quit but for now, we're trying to make the best of it but I feel like a bad parent sending her there. I just want what's best for my daughter DH & I already agreed that I will work P/T & stay with Allie during the day, but we need to agree on when to quit my job and still have to find something p/t (my job doesn't have p/t hours unfortunately) plus I'm working for our insurance.

Sorry this is so long...I really just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like I'm not in the wrong here but maybe I am.

[::MummyToTwo::]

I'm so sorry!!

Summer is almost 10 months and isn't even on a set schedule... except bedtime.

Summer is also fed on demand.. but she eats every 3 or so hours.

The babysitter sounds way out of line. I have been a nanny for many years and never spoke to parents the way she spoke to you. Just because she has a child doesn't mean her way is right KWIM.

It does sound like Allie is bored

[Jessy133]

I just wanted to say I cant give advice, but wante dto say your not a bad mother! You are an amazing mother! because you actually notice and care! I do think that she is a way bit out of line, I have a temper and would have told her to shove it where the sun dont shine ( not all that nice of course).

I do hope you guys can find someone else just til you can quit work. Its so hard for us to balance motherhood and fulltime work.

I hope some of the BTDT mommies can help!

xoxo

[LuvMyToriBug]

Originally Posted by Lo_and_Behold

For thise who are already mommies...
What kind of daytime schedule is your baby on? Are you flexible with it or is it a pretty rigid one?

I ask this b/c I'm still having issues w/my babysitter. Last night, I was thisclose to telling her to go scratch. She makes remarks about Allie being cranky that seem unfounded. I may not be w/her during the wk, but I am on the wknds & she just isn't. We dealt with some colicky issues for a while but ever since we changed formulas & since she's gotten older & started sleeping on her own, these seemed to have resolved. Last wknd, we dragged her from one store to another & she was good the whole day. The next day, we were at my ILs & it was hot as you know what & she was good as gold & even took a nap (and they don't even have A/C...crazy people!).

She claims Allie eats an oz, refuses the bottle, then 20 mins later, screams for more. This NEVER happens at home. She claims Allie wakes up screaming. NEVER happens at home. She talks about how cranky she is all the time. Really? Because she's not like that at home.

She criticized me for giving her a bottle whenever she cries which is completely unfounded. She told me Allie is old enough to express herself in other ways other than crying. Huh? I said we don't feed her every time she cries. But we play with her. We rotate her through her toys. We keep her entertained. She didn't have much to say about that which I feel confirms my husband's & my fears that she's not doing much with Allie all day (& then complaining when Allie cries out of boredom). This girl has a 21 month old & whenever I go there, she's always paying attention to her daughter & Allie's just hanging out in the swing or bouncer or Bumbo. I never see her engaged in anything.

This chick is really tough to talk too. It's like a dark cloud passes over her face whenever I try to say anything. I feel like she becomes defensive. But geez...she works for me. Not the other way around. I don't mind hearing parenting advice, but at the same time, don't try to tell me how to raise my child either. I'M her mother. I don't tell her how to raise her whining child.
Last night when I picked up Allie, the babysitter asked me to write down when Allie eats & keep a journal over the weekend of her activities because she thinks she's not on a schedule & she needs to be on one. So I'm being given homework by my employee When I told DH, he was like umm...shouldn't she be the one doing this since she's the one who's with her all day??

What do you guys think? What should I say? Do you think I'm in the wrong? Allie isn't really on a set schedule other than at bedtime. She's always in bed by 7:30-8. At this age, does her time need to be that accounted for? I really don't want to send her there anymore & we've been trying to find someone else until I quit but for now, we're trying to make the best of it but I feel like a bad parent sending her there. I just want what's best for my daughter DH & I already agreed that I will work P/T & stay with Allie during the day, but we need to agree on when to quit my job and still have to find something p/t (my job doesn't have p/t hours unfortunately) plus I'm working for our insurance.

Sorry this is so long...I really just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like I'm not in the wrong here but maybe I am.

Melissa,
Is this lady a daycare provider and licensed and stuff or is she just keeping Allie in addition to her own child/children?

[Banned-Jaylas_Mommy]

((hugs))
i would def. look into finding a new sitter.
i work in a daycare and we have had some kids that seem totally different while there then their parents say (i work with infants but our youngest right now is 11 months) but with that being said, it isnt very common and the ones we have had like that are the kids that are held constantly at home.
but, to me it sounds like she just isnt giving your girl enough attention. i understand her daughter is there too, but you are paying her to take care of your child, not to just leave her sitting by herself so all of her attention can go to her daughter.
you def. have a right to be concerned and ticked off.
i hope you are able to find another sitter before you can leave work.

[Etph007]

I don't think it's too far fetched to think she might act differently at the sitter's house than she does at home... but there are reasons for that- You probably pay her FAR more attention, and you're her mom (and she likes you more ) But really--- while I can't offer any parenting advice- I don't think she should be demanding that you put YOUR child on a schedule or even approach you the way it seems she has. Good luck girl! I hope you're able to find a sitter that you and Allie are more comfortable with!!!

(eta- sorry I spelled the LO's name wrong!)

[SassyMama]

I definitely don't feel like you're in the wrong. Poor Allie is probably bored to tears. Can you find someone else to babysit? I'd do it for you but I think I'm a little too far

[Lo_and_Behold]

Originally Posted by ToriBug

Melissa,
Is this lady a daycare provider and licensed and stuff or is she just keeping Allie in addition to her own child/children?

She came by recommendation of one of my husband's coworkers who watched her child as well.

Seems like she wants the money but doesn't want to do the work to earn it. My husband said that when he paid her last week, she immediately turned her back & started counting it. WTH?!!

[stlgirl]

I think she's out of line, and you should have a serious talk with her or consider switching caretakers. It is totally normal for your baby to behave slightly differently when with someone else she doesn't know as well, but a child care professional should be used to and prepared for that, and not go complaining to the parents and telling them all the things they are doing wrong!

[Lo_and_Behold]

Originally Posted by eshum07

((hugs))
i would def. look into finding a new sitter.
i work in a daycare and we have had some kids that seem totally different while there then their parents say (i work with infants but our youngest right now is 11 months) but with that being said, it isnt very common and the ones we have had like that are the kids that are held constantly at home.
but, to me it sounds like she just isnt giving your girl enough attention. i understand her daughter is there too, but you are paying her to take care of your child, not to just leave her sitting by herself so all of her attention can go to her daughter.
you def. have a right to be concerned and ticked off.
i hope you are able to find another sitter before you can leave work.

To be honest, we did hold Allie a lot when she was first born. We did spoil her. But now that she's older, she doesn't want to be held as much. She likes to be independent & sit up in her Boppy, her jumperoo, playmat, etc. She doesn't even really enjoy being held to eat except at night. We also used to cosleep, but as soon as I went back to work, I transitioned her into sleeping on her own in her pack & play (although she's still in our room). I thought we were going to have a tough time, but she's taken to it like a fish to water. She seems to adapt very quickly & easily. My feeling is that this babysitter wants to get paid for doing nothing & just have Allie sit somewhere quietly & never make a peep. I'm about ready to pick her up & never take her back again. One thing I can say, when I pick her up for the final time, she will hear what I have to say & I've got quite a lot on my mind. I'm a pretty patient person & let a lot roll off my back but I only take so much before I snap & when it comes to my child.... Hell no!

Originally Posted by dibroci

I definitely don't feel like you're in the wrong. Poor Allie is probably bored to tears. Can you find someone else to babysit? I'd do it for you but I think I'm a little too far

Aww I wish! But yeah...probably just a bit too far lol

[LuvMyToriBug]

Originally Posted by Lo_and_Behold

She came by recommendation of one of my husband's coworkers who watched her child as well.

Seems like she wants the money but doesn't want to do the work to earn it. My husband said that when he paid her last week, she immediately turned her back & started counting it. WTH?!!

Okay, momma, you have to absolutely go with your "Gut" feeling on this. If it were me, I would take her out as soon as I could. I visited a few daycares before I decided where Tori would be attending. The reason for my asking about her being licensed is because those who are have to keep records and stuff on the kids. My daycare provider charts all of Tori's feedings, diaper changes and this includes times, it includes number of oz. per bottle and for diapers it includes whether they were a pee or poo change. Anyway, I would definitely be curious to see what she would record as feeding etc. Maybe you should have her keep a record/journal of that information for you to see and compare to when she is with you. Also, have her record her tummy time, play time and how much time she is interacting with Allie as well.

About the schedule, most babies make their own schedule unless it is the parents' preference to put the child on a strict schedule for whatever reason. Furthermore, I have always fed Tori on demand and it never caused any problems or reasons for concern, so the part about the lady criticizing you for feeding Allie when she cries is kinda crazy to me. Also, Allie does not have any other form of communication right now...she does not have any other way to express a need. She smiles, but that does not express a need, it is expressing pleasure/happiness etc.

Tori is in a home based daycare, and I sooooo love her daycare provider. I, because of my experience, would totally recommend a home based daycare any day over an individual sitter or a bigger company. Her daycare can only keep up to 6 children which is plenty of interaction with other children and not too many children for the "daycare lady" to take care of and interact with herself.

Anyway, I would definitely take her out of there. Good luck and KUP!!

[Lo_and_Behold]

Thanks Becky. It makes me feel better (in a way) that I'm not crazy. I was 2nd guessing myself thinking that maybe she should be on a schedule or that I shouldn't be feeding on demand. I mean, she's only 3 months old. That still seems very young to me & too young to be putting her on a feeding schedule. As it is, she usually eats 3-4oz every 2-4 hours which seems reasonable to me. At night, she'll sleep up to a 10 hour stretch w/o eating. I think this seems completely normal & right on target.
When I see her on Monday, I am going to request that she start tracking Allie's daily feedings & activities as well. If she wants me to do it, I should be entitled to see the same.

[downunderchick]

Wow Melissa, go with your instinct. I def dont think you are in the wrong at all. she sounds (sory if i offend anyone) but she sounds stuck up to be honest. Every child is different. Maybe she is trying to compare Ali to her daughter and what she was like. Funny how she is fine at home with you and not with her. To me that just says shes not right to look after her. I hope you can get a p/t job soon, must be really frustrating for you. You want someone whose going to enjoy being with your daughter....not telling you how she should behave. I mean honestly, shes only a few months old!

[Em2528]

I havent read all the responses because I want to have your post clear in my mind...and I know im not a parent myself yet, but I am a childcare provider so if you dont mind im going to chime in here...

Personally, if she were my childs babysitter, id pull her out of there. As a daycare provider myself, I would never tell a parent how to parent there children or anything like that and ive had some real monsters lol. But from a parent standpoint, if my daycare provider was talking to me that way and telling me my child was fussing all day, sounds to me like there is a reason she is "fussing" all day, being that she doesnt do that at home. Either she is bored, because she isnt being interacted with, or she is being ignored or something along those lines. Anyway, from what you described, I think you are right, sounds to me like she isnt very interactive with Allie and I think Allie is sensing this and its making her insecure and unhappy there. So all in all, no I dont think you are in the wrong, I think as Allies mother you have to go with your gut and it sounds to me like your gut is telling you she shouldnt stay with this babysitter, and I dont blame you.

I just want to add that as a childcare provider I document all feedings, diaper changes, naps, etc daily for the parents of the little girl I watch. I think its a great idea, it gives the parents an idea of how she is while she is here, and how it compares to being at home.

[LuvMyToriBug]

Originally Posted by Lo_and_Behold

Thanks Becky. It makes me feel better (in a way) that I'm not crazy. I was 2nd guessing myself thinking that maybe she should be on a schedule or that I shouldn't be feeding on demand. I mean, she's only 3 months old. That still seems very young to me & too young to be putting her on a feeding schedule. As it is, she usually eats 3-4oz every 2-4 hours which seems reasonable to me. At night, she'll sleep up to a 10 hour stretch w/o eating. I think this seems completely normal & right on target.
When I see her on Monday, I am going to request that she start tracking Allie's daily feedings & activities as well. If she wants me to do it, I should be entitled to see the same.

No problem Melissa!! As for the feeding issue, yes 3 months is young, well, let me put it this way, Tori is 8 months old (today actually) and she is still fed on demand except for her baby food. I do try to keep those feeding around the breakfast, lunch and dinner times so that when she is eating table food, she is eating when we do!!

Also, if it were me, I would not necessarily keep a journal, you know what your child is doing. You would only need a journal (from her) for making decisions etc. and if there were concerns then you could address them. You need to know how Allie is doing when she is AWAY from you not when she is WITH you!!

Again, good luck, I am interested in knowing how your situation pans out...KUP!!

[Boo]

I'm so sorry she made you second guess yourself and made you feel like a bad parent. DON'T! She is the one in the wrong here and way out of line. Christian is 10 months old and is fed on demand and not on a strict schedule. It also sounds to me as though the babysitter is not paying attention to Allie, which Allie probably senses she's not welcome and is lonely & bored and she just wants someone to play with her. Recommended or not, I'd be looking for someone else. I hope you can find a solution soon.

[Banned-Jaylas_Mommy]

i agree. it does sound like she wants money for doing nothing. she should know that babies get bored easily and need to be stimulated, esp if she has her own kids, she should know that a baby is not just going to sit there by themselves quietly for too long.

[courtneytcu98]

Melissa, that sounds like such a headache! I'm a big believer in Mother's Intuition and 'gut' feelings, so if you are questioning this much you need to listen to yourself. If the difference between how Allie acts at daycare and home are that vastly different, it is only natural to look at what might be making the difference. I really believe that children can sense who likes them and is sincere, so maybe Allie is telling you something.

As for feeding, Elliott eats every 3-4 hours on demand. I don't really go by the clock, it's just when he's hungry. basically, he's up between 6 and 7am and I feed him, and then based on his wake-up time, he has a nap around 9ish. The day basically unfolds from the waking time. i just haven't found it practical at all to try and create a strict schedule with Elliott. We try to get him in bed by 7 or 7:30. . .

I really hope you can find another provider VERY soon. KUP on what happens.

[samspain]

Allie is only a bit older than Ana, and she is fed on demand too. She sleeps well at night but no set daily routine.

My mum is a fully licensed childminder in the UK and she has an official book to write feedings, nappy changes etc in, and the parents often keep it up to date on the weekends just to make it easier for everyone.
Such a little baby is too young (in my opinion) to always be sat by themselves, they are social and need talking too and skin contact.

My Mum usually finds that babies are better behaved for her than they are at home, not the other way around.

I really hope you sort this out as leaving her is hard enough, I cant imagine what its like to not be 100% sure about the carer.