Hard decision

~Andrea~ · #1 July 28th, 2009, 12:07 PM

Lilyana is only 12 days old, but I think I am already giving up on breast feeding.

I am miserable doing it, and dread every feeding. I enjoy it so much more when I can pump and bottle feed her. She can look into my eyes and I feel like I can talk and interact with her more.

I feel guilty about my decision though. BF is something I should be able to do. I am just in so much pain on my left side when she's nursing that I am in tears. I hate when she has to feed on that side!

When I pump, I am getting about 4oz in 20 minutes on my left side. I don't know about my right side as I had been nursing her on my right. But, I think I am going to exclusively pump from here on out.

When I am pumping and bottle feeding her, I am so happy with my decision, but in between feedings I feel really guilty. It's hard for me to deal with right now, but I am trying to come to terms with it.

KCMomma · #2 July 28th, 2009, 12:31 PM

OH I totally understand your pain and frustration. IF you can stick with it, but if not everyone totally understands. Only you have to be ok with your decision. I had issues with my left side too. What is going on exactly? Have you tried any lanisoh creams or Medela hydrogel pads? I found the hydrogel pads work wonders. Also, cut them in half and use them more than once to save some money. Have you talked to any lacatation specalists? Just remember bfing is a very personal decision for each person individually. We are hear to listen and give our advice, but you are the one that has to live it!! Hang in there sweetie. The first few weeks are definitely the hardest for breastfeeding. There were plenty of times when I wanted to give up too. PM if you ever need anything.

Boo · #3 July 28th, 2009, 12:44 PM

I'm sorry you are struggling Andrea.

I echo Gwen's post. BFing is a learning process for both you & baby and it takes weeks to get everything going properly. While you need to make the decision that's best for you, know that the first few weeks are especially hard and trying. Have you thought about trying a nipple shield to aid with the pain? Is it because she's not latched properly or is there something else going on? My advice would be to see a lactation consultant before throwing in the towel, but again, do what's best for you.

samspain · #4 July 28th, 2009, 12:47 PM

Excellent advice Gwen, I was in agony until my milk came in (at 4 days), then for another week until my nipples healed, then working out positions and length of feeding etc.

I remember at about 1 week old, sitting on the sofa crying at 3am with my Mum trying to convince me to stick it out for 24 hours more.

Whatever you decide to do, noone can know how you feel, I hope you find an answer soon.

Celry · #5 July 28th, 2009, 01:00 PM

You shouldn't feel bad at all. You gave it a try and it's not working for you. You're still planning on pumping for her and you have to do what works best for the two of you.

Have you tried more than one type of hold while you're nursing her on the left? If not, you may want to give another hold a try before moving on to exclusively pumping.

Lauren S · #6 July 28th, 2009, 01:12 PM

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, Andrea. BFing is definitely harder than I thought it would be! I'm having some issues too. I have really flat nipples which makes it hard for him to latch. I've resorted to using a nipple shield on the right side. Otherwise he gets too frustrated.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you some

. Only you know what is best for you and your little one. Just because breast is supposed to be better doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong if you decide not to. You have to do what's best for your sanity too. Besides, she'll still be getting your milk by pumping. So you shouldn't feel bad about that!

courtneytcu98 · #7 July 28th, 2009, 01:44 PM

I agree with all the advice here. . . I would strongly consider getting a consulation from a LC, if at all possible. IT really revolutionized my BF'ing and it is now a relationship that I treasure. Getting to that point, however, took some serious time! I think that my nipples hurt at least for the first six weeks or so everytime he latched on, partially because his lips would turn in and partially because his suck was so strong. However, if it is hurting that badly on one side, there might be something going on that can be fixed. I only really had pain when he would first latch, not throughout the feeding.

You have to do what is right for you and baby, and as long as you are feeding her (bottle or breast, formula or BM) then you are doing the right thing. The only wrong thing to do in this situation would be not to feed your baby. So much literature says that BF'ing is natural and because of that, we assume that it will be easy. It isn't. Over and over, my friends and I have commented how it is one of the harder things to do with a baby. Hang in there, Andrea. KUP on how things go.

~Andrea~ · #8 July 28th, 2009, 01:51 PM

Thanks ladies. I have tried to talk to two LC's at 2 different hospitals and both of them said they could help me over the phone. I have tried multiple positions, feeding from the non sore side first so her suck isn't as strong, etc, etc. I called one of the LC's again today and talked to her about it and sheseemed very confidant that my desire to pump would succeed with us. I also called and spoke with Lilyana's ped and he gave me all information I need to feed her properly from a bottle. Maybe at some point I will try bf again. We are going to continue to use a specal bottle that mimics a nipple so maybe in a week or so I will be ready to try again.

LuvMyToriBug · #9 July 28th, 2009, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shorty011783

Lilyana is only 12 days old, but I think I am already giving up on breast feeding.

I am miserable doing it, and dread every feeding. I enjoy it so much more when I can pump and bottle feed her. She can look into my eyes and I feel like I can talk and interact with her more.

I feel guilty about my decision though. BF is something I should be able to do. I am just in so much pain on my left side when she's nursing that I am in tears. I hate when she has to feed on that side!

When I pump, I am getting about 4oz in 20 minutes on my left side. I don't know about my right side as I had been nursing her on my right. But, I think I am going to exclusively pump from here on out.

When I am pumping and bottle feeding her, I am so happy with my decision, but in between feedings I feel really guilty. It's hard for me to deal with right now, but I am trying to come to terms with it.

OMG Andrea, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with BF. I just wanted to encourage you to NOT feel like you are doing something wrong if BF for whatever reason does not work out for you. I tried to bf and I did for several weeks, but not exclusively. Tori had jaundice so bad that the hospital started supplementing. After my milk came in I did try to breastfeed as much as possible, but I did not seem to be producing enough for her. I felt like I was literally starving my child. I had to stop also and I was okay with it as I had given it my best shot.

Please don't beat yourself up!! Tori does great with formula and she is healthy.

NortheastWifey · #10 July 28th, 2009, 04:31 PM

I had trouble with my left, too. Hang in there. I think a lot of great advice has been given,and agree you have to do the best thing for you. You're not failing your baby if you don't BF. it does get easier, though. I promise.

caring21 · #11 July 28th, 2009, 05:22 PM

I don't know what it is like to bf yet but I feel that it's important to go with the flow. If you prefer to pump and feel this is what is best for you and makes you happy then go ahead!

She's still getting your milk and even if you were to give her formula, well it's a personal choice. Do what is right for you and don't feel guilty.

downunderchick · #12 July 29th, 2009, 01:06 AM

Im not quite at that stage yet but I cant imagine how difficult and painful it must be at first, sending you lots of hugs.
XX

~Andrea~ · #13 July 29th, 2009, 07:58 AM

Thanks again for all of your support ladies. I did decided to try and latch Lilyana on the left side again today. I am not sure which feeding we will try, but it will be one when I am relaxed and not feeling rushed. We will see how that goes. If it doesn't work, we will try again tomorrow.

I am also going to head out and get a couple books on breastfeeding. Maybe I will be able to find even more tips in those books.

KCMomma · #14 July 29th, 2009, 08:04 AM

Good for you! I know it's so difficult and soooo frustrating! I found "The New Mothers Guide to Breastfeeding" book helped me. Hang in there sweetie.

karenwalter · #15 July 29th, 2009, 09:01 AM

I'm not at the breastfeeding point yet but I just wanted to say that you are doing what's best for your baby whichever way you decide. You shouldn't feel guilty about pumping. She is getting all of the nutrients and protection from the breastmilk she needs when you pump and bottle feed. Hang in there and know that we are all here to support you.

LisaD · #16 July 29th, 2009, 09:53 AM

I completely agree with Becky. You do what is best for you! I also tried BF and it didn't work for us due to Jaundice, etc. so I started pumping. I never got enough, apparently my body just didn't produce enough milk and I was also starving him so now we are formula feeding. I beat myself up about it for a while, but now realize that was silly. However you end up feeding your baby is what is best for you guys! Please don't feel bad about any decision you make, and do what is best for you. Mom being happy is very important!

samspain · #17 July 29th, 2009, 12:48 PM

Lisa is right, at the end of the day feedings are the best time to bond with your baby, and if you are dreading it baby will notice. After all, happy Moms make happy babies.

KrystalB · #18 July 29th, 2009, 05:05 PM

I have to say do whatever you feel is right for you. My Nathan is now 6 months old but when he was born, I pushed and pushed myself to BF him for the first 6 weeks. I made it through the first 6 weeks but just barely. at 6 weeks, I decided that pumping was more for me and I did that until he was 5 months old, no BFing at all. My doctor said that a Mom's sanity is more important than a baby getting BM because the baby can pick up on Mom's stress, which makes the baby stressful. Our doctor also said that if I needed to, some supplementing with formula would be fine, too. She said it was more important for Nathan to get *some* BM over time than getting only BM for a short period of time.

Whatever you decide to do, you shouldn't feel guilty. As long as you are happy, baby will be happy!

~Andrea~ · #19 July 29th, 2009, 07:16 PM

Thanks ladies. I did decide to latch Lilyana on again at her 3pm feeding. It went ok along with the aid of a nipple shield. We did try it again at her 6pm feeding. I was a little more sore, but we made it through. I am going to keep at it until I get too sore and then I will go back to pumping for a while.

I am so glad I have you ladies to talk to! It has made a world of difference!

xanada101 · #20 July 29th, 2009, 07:22 PM

Andrea... have you thought about maybe just BFing her right before bed? Maybe pump during the day and reserve your BFing to her bedtime routine? This way it gives you the much needed break and you're still BFing. Just an idea.