I simply cannot make these things up. . . (x-posted in my PR)

courtneytcu98 · #1 September 23rd, 2009, 05:26 PM

Okay, so I think I've mentioned before that DH's family is more than a bit whacked, right? Seriously. I can't make the craziness up. . . His sister is getting married in a little less than a month, and has asked Chris and I to do a reading (after not asking me to be a bridesmaid, which I am really glad of on one level and on the other irked because she invited herself to be a bridesmaid in my wedding!!!). Moving on. So today, I get this email asking us to read the following, which I am fairly certain is a 5th grader's attempt at simile and metaphor:

"]What do you both think about reading this together to start off our wedding or somewhere in the middle-probably right before the vows:

Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog, by Taylor Mali
First of all, it's a big responsibility, especially in a city like Richmond So think long and hard before deciding on love. On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security: when you're walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love ain't no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable. Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs. It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy. Love doesn't like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No! Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
Love makes messes. Love leaves you little surprises here and there. Love needs lots of cleaning up after. Sometimes you just want to get love fixed. Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper and swat love on the nose, not so much to cause pain, just to let love know Don't you ever do that again!
Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk. Because love loves exercise. It runs you around the block and leaves you panting. It pulls you in several different directions at once, or winds around and around you until you're all wound up and can't move. But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love stop and talk to each other on the street. Throw things away and love will bring them back, again, and again, and again. But most of all, love needs love, lots of it. And in return, love loves you and never stops. "

How the heck do I say there is no way I could get through a choral reading without totally cracking up???? Seriously. This is the same person who suggested a Homer & Marge Simpson wedding cake topper for my very formal wedding. ARgh. In-laws. . .

Sam914 · #2 September 23rd, 2009, 05:38 PM

Lol goodluck with that!

Banned-Jaylas_Mommy · #3 September 23rd, 2009, 05:59 PM

hmm..that is...odd...

are you going to read it?

KCMomma · #4 September 23rd, 2009, 06:43 PM

Seriously I could never read that without cracking up!!! Or even if you try to read it with a serious face someone is bound to laugh...OMG I would die!!! Thank the Lord my in laws are not like that!! Good luck with that one Courtney!! Let me know how that one goes!!!

Lauren S · #5 September 23rd, 2009, 07:51 PM

She was serious?! I saw some interesting readings when I was planning our wedding, but I think that one takes the cake.

KrystalB · #6 September 24th, 2009, 04:50 AM

Um. Wow.

I'm not sure how you're going to deal with this, Courtney, but best of luck to you!

She can't be getting married in a Church, is she?

downunderchick · #7 September 24th, 2009, 05:29 AM

ummmm

CandaceDianne · #8 September 24th, 2009, 05:59 AM

There is NO WAY I could read that outloud....at a wedding! I dont think I would read that outloud if I were in the 5th grade!

Em2528 · #9 September 24th, 2009, 06:09 AM

Um, wow....id be embarrased to read that. I think people at the wedding are going to feel uncomfortable while thats being read because its so wierd! Good luck girl, I dont know what I would do LOL Maybe find a new reading, a nice one and read that in its place without telling anyone your going to do it LOL

Etph007 · #10 September 24th, 2009, 06:26 AM

Whattt.... is she serious?!?!? What did your DH say? I have NO idea how I'd handle that... other than suggesting another reading or politely declining to be a reader. There's no way I'd make it through!

stlgirl · #11 September 24th, 2009, 07:00 AM

Uhhhh...wow...

I mean, if she really really loves that reading and wants it in her wedding, that is her choice as a bride. But if there is any way you or DH could gently suggest something a little less...odd...that certainly would be better!

NortheastWifey · #12 September 24th, 2009, 07:08 AM

Ohmigosh!!!! Haha!!!!! Yeah.... maybe just tell her that you get too nervous talking in front of other people and you don't think you can do it... "as much as you would looooooooove to." *wink, wink*

BabyBird · #13 September 24th, 2009, 07:16 AM

Hey...I had a simpsons cake topper! Actually it was for the rehearsal cake as our rehearsal theme was simpsons...dh is a big fan! lol

I think if she wants something so strange it is her day but you dont have to read it if you are uncomfortable with it.

samspain · #14 September 25th, 2009, 01:40 PM

Its certainly unique, sounds more like a corny father of the bride speech.
But if she really wants it... theres not much you can do, at least she isnt choosing you a bridesmaid dress!!

courtneytcu98 · #15 September 25th, 2009, 02:08 PM

April, I think a Simpson's cake topper is perfect for a rehearsal dinner--that was my compromise when she made the suggestion!

Chris sent her an email that basically said, I know this is your special day and you want everything to be perfect, but I think that you would regret this. .. We'll see how she responds. I left it up to DH as how to handle it.