Need some encouragement

polarbearmama · #1 November 18th, 2009, 01:14 PM

I just need some encouragement right now...I absolutely love my little girl, but I had NO CLUE how difficult it was to care for a newborn.

Overall, she's a good baby, but she wants to be held ALL THE TIME, doesn't like her swing or bouncer and hates to go down for naps, plus she has her days and nights mixed up right now...I have worn her a few times in the Moby, but I don't think I can really do it all day long...

I'm still trying to get used to being so sleep deprived all the time...please tell me that it does get better???

I'm just feeling so exhausted and down right now

courtneytcu98 · #2 November 18th, 2009, 01:32 PM

Oh Tina. I have SOOOO been there. You are a wonderful mommy and it DOES get better. I had more than enough moments of thinking, "what have I done by having a baby?" The exhaustion really plays with your mind and emotions, and that's without all those wacky hormones!
Step one: get out of the house. Yes, it's hard. Do it. Even if it's just to walk around the mall or sit in a friend's kitchen, do it.
Step two: when someone offers help, TAKE IT. All of us BTDT mommies feel for the new mommies because we know exactly how hard it is. If someone offers to fold your clothes, let them. If someone offers to clean your house, let them. Lord knows, you won't have time but it'll still bug you, so let someone help.
Step three: If you are feeling overwhelmed by the crying, go take a break for 5 minutes. She will be okay, and you'll be a better mother for it. Sometimes a short break is all you need.
Step Four: The first 12 weeks are about SURVIVAL. Yes, you love the little being with all of your heart and soul, but love doesn't take away the effects of exhaustion and recovering from being pregnant & giving birth. Around the three month mark, things dramatically change for the better.
Step Five: Vent on JM! Seriously, we are here for you and your wee one. Vent away on here and we'll give you our BTDT advice and lots of love.

Don't isolate yourself, if at all possible. There were a few weekends where Elliott and I camped out at my parents and it did amazing things for me to be around people and to get out of my house. Big, big hugs. Hang in there.. . . maybe go get a pedicure sans Mari. It's amazing what an hour or so will do to refresh you!

KCMomma · #3 November 18th, 2009, 02:24 PM

OMG I couldn't

Courtney any more!!!!! That was such good advice. I totally 100% feel for you!!!! The first 4 months for us were just plain horid!!!! I soooo understand! Paige was colicky and had acid reflux. Courtney, is so right that it's all about survival! For at least the first two months of Paige's life she slept in her carseat outside of the bathroom with the bathroom exhaust fan on! Seriously!! You do what you can!!!! And for quite some time in the evenings especially, we constantly carried her around in the Baby Bijorn. She loved to walk up and down the stairs...let me tell you how many times I worked up a sweat doing that! Definitely vent to us often!!! Get out of the house!!!! And LET HER CRY!!! It's ok! Hang in there hun, it DOES get better and there WILL be an end in sight! Please keep us posted on how things go!

MommaLee · #4 November 18th, 2009, 05:12 PM

I'm sure things will get better Tina.

Micksbabe · #5 November 18th, 2009, 07:35 PM

I don't have any advice since I haven't had my baby girl yet, but I just wanted to send out a

for you!!!

KDD · #6 November 18th, 2009, 07:59 PM

I'm sure it will get easier for you Tina.

ChristinaR · #7 November 19th, 2009, 05:21 AM

I don't really have much advice for you because I'm still awaiting my LO but I just want to send you (((HUGS))) I'm sure this time is very difficult, getting used to everything and getting on a schedule. Courtney gave you some awesome advice though. Good luck hun! I hope it gets easier.

adam*s_mami · #8 November 19th, 2009, 07:06 AM

were here for you to vent, I really cant offer advice b/c I haven't had my son yet but I know it gets better!!

NortheastWifey · #9 November 19th, 2009, 08:13 AM

Tina, I totally feel for you and I PROMISE it does get better. I had done a lot of babysitting and taking care of infants, but it really is so different when it's your own. I really felt like I was losing my mind in the beginning. Between being sleep deprived and your hormones going crazy, it's so tough.

Mari sounds like Amelia. She wanted to be held 24/7 and while I love my DH to pieces, I can't tell you how many times I muttered "idiot" under my breath the first few weeks. Lol! I think men are just clueless sometimes - or I guess it's just that they're not mommy. I don't know if you're experiencing that at all.

If you have relatives nearby go over for visits when you can - and they'll love to hold Mari a while for you.

I really had to force myself out of the house, but like Courtney said, it really does help. And eventually she'll be okay with being put down. Like everyone else said, once you get past the 12 week mark things really do start falling into place. I know that seems like so far away. I did feel like at 6 weeks that things changed, too, though, so that's a little sooner for you. I felt like I had finally hit my stride then. But hang in there! And we're here for you!

Lauren S · #10 November 20th, 2009, 07:16 AM

Ditto to everything that has been mentioned so far. It WILL get better! The only other advice I have is to ask someone to come over just so you can take a nap. My mom did that for me the first couple of weeks, and it helped so much. You get a little break and get recharged at the same time.

Hang in there!

amazing_love · #11 November 20th, 2009, 07:36 AM

I don't have any advice since i'm still waiting for my baby, but i've heard so many people tell me how difficult is was in the beginning. It's definitely normal! And it DOES get better! Hang in there!!!

Heatherjfitz · #12 November 20th, 2009, 10:33 AM

I ditto everyone else. I just wanted to add that when the girls were born I SWORE that they cried/fussed more then any baby on the planet! I felt like everything I did was wrong. I couldn't figure out WHY I couldn't figure them out!! I cried from exhaustion. I argued with my DH. It was horrible!!

Give yourself a break by saying... I'm not doing anything wrong, this is normal newborn behavior and IT WILL PASS!! You just have to survive it.

You will soon bump up to 4-5 hour stretches, then to 6 hours stretches... it feels like forever, but it just keeps getting better!

My girls had their days and nights mixed up too. I would rock and rock and rock them. I was SOOOO exhausted. Does your swing go side to side?

stlgirl · #13 November 20th, 2009, 03:45 PM

Celry · #14 November 20th, 2009, 06:26 PM

It gets better! You've been given some good advice. I took the girls out to lunch with friends when they were a few weeks old. I wasn't allowed to lift their car seats yet, but I had to get out. My friends all helped me with the car seats. It will help so much to get out.

One day things will just get better and you'll look back at these days with a blur. Soon she will be recognizing you and smiling at you. That will make all this worth it.

Jodi0804 · #15 November 20th, 2009, 06:54 PM

Hang in there girl, the others have given you great advice, it will get easier!!

~Andrea~ · #16 November 20th, 2009, 07:45 PM

You have already gotten tons of good advice, but I just wanted to pop in and give you big (((HUGS))).

For the first 6 weeks, I felt like all I did was sit on the couch and hold Lily. I was so unproductive and she wouldn't allow me to put her down. I was getting upset that I spent all this money on a pack n play, swing, playmat, boucer, etc and she wasn't having any of it! But, around 6-8 weeks, she really started to enjoy her swing. It is the only place she will take naps now! It was also around this time that she started to smile and recognize me and DH. It was so much easier after that!

It is a huge adjustment! But, it will get better!

polarbearmama · #17 November 21st, 2009, 10:46 AM

Thank you so much ladies for the encouragement and the advice!!! I know that this newborn stage is only for a season and I'm really not wishing it away, just wishing I had a little bit more sleep!!

I don't know what I would do without you ladies!!!

Lyz · #18 November 21st, 2009, 10:54 AM

I just wanted to add that I am literally at the same stage as you as our little girls are a day apart. She's a hit or miss on her swing, hates her bouncy and only want to sleep in my arms! I'm glad you posted this because I was going to! Thankfully she's actually sleeping in her swing as we speak (yay I get some ME time!) Hang in there sweety

lttle_one · #19 November 21st, 2009, 05:17 PM

I don't have anything to add, the other girls have given you all the advice I have, but I do have hugs for you! Not that it helps the exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed, but at least you know it's normal and we've all been there. What helped me most was getting out of the house. I understand not being able to wear the Moby all day, but it was great for walks for us, and sometimes the only thing that would calm Cherie down. You'll get into your own groove and things will get easier!

fromustobaby · #20 November 21st, 2009, 07:44 PM

I do not have a little one in my arms yet, so I cant speak from experience...
However, I met a woman today who had a four month old, and we got to talking about babies...

Well, she told me that you can get a post-partum doula (she gave me a recommendation - which I'm definitely going to take!)...anyway...you might want to look into something like that in your area...

The way that she explained it was that the doula comes over after baby is born (she had her come over twice a week for the first 3 months) to help you with any questions that you have about baby, to help with baby, to give you tips...she said that the doula would also watch the baby if you/hubby needed a break/nap, etc....

I thought it was a brilliant idea...and maybe it could help you at least as you were trying to figure everything out...