Dad is gone :( (xpost)

Christine-MA · #1 November 21st, 2009, 02:16 AM

The plan since Wednesday was to take him home Friday with hospice care. We knew he didn't have long, but we also knew he would want to be at home. We had everything set up to be delivered Friday at noon (hospital bed, all the equipment, and medications) and the ambulance was getting him at 2pm. Friday morning I was going to pick up my mom to get to the hospital at 9am to check in on him and finalize things, then get to the house and get ready for him to come home. But Thursday night he took a turn for the worst (as if it wasn't bad enough). There was nothing more they could do. So Friday at 9am I got to the hospital. It was my mom, my husband, 2 of my sisters (the other was in the hospital, she had her baby the day before), my grandparents, and lots of aunts/uncles. He had been on a bipap machine (a breathing machine that pushes oxygen to his lungs) and we were waiting for his mom to get there to take him off, but he tried to pull it off a few times (I don't even know how he had the strength), so we asked that they take it off about 9:30am. I wasn't sure his mom was going to get to see him before he passed (they said it might go downhill quickly), but he held on until about 5:30pm. I don't know how he did it, but at least I know he wasn't in pain. The nurses were great and kept him medicated so at least he seemed peaceful. So we literally just watched him breath for 8 hours. I don't know why I would ocassionally look at the monitors like it mattered any, but his heart rate was about 150 for hours and hours, and his respiratory rate was in the 40s and 50s (breaths per min). Shortly after 5:30 I saw they were both dropping. We all started to say our final goodbyes and I saw the heartrate drop to 70, then to 26, and the next time I looked it was 0. It was the most horrible moment ever. I didn't want to leave him laying in that hospital bed

I'm so glad that he isn't suffering anymore, and the last thing he wanted to do was be in the hospital. But I truly think that he knew it would be so much for my mom and us girls to handle taking care of him 24/7, so he went on his own. But I'm glad we had time to say goodbyes. I have to think he knew we were there.

I don't know how I'm going to make it throught he next few days with all the arrangements. Thankfully I have a wonderful family and husband. I know time will help, but at this point I don't know how I'll lay down to go to bed and not re-live Friday over and over.

For some reason in my other post I said he was diagnosed with cancer in August, but it was May. He spent June in the hospital, so we only had 4.5 months with him before he was taken from us. It's so unfair.

This was 2 years ago at my wedding. He didn't even get to see 50

downunderchick · #2 November 21st, 2009, 02:41 AM

Chris Im so sorry, I cant imagine losing my dad

sending you lots of thoughts and hugs
XXXX

*Mommy2Camden* · #3 November 21st, 2009, 05:03 AM

I'm so very sorry for your loss...My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Jodi0804 · #4 November 21st, 2009, 05:15 AM

Christine I am so sorry, I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Celry · #5 November 21st, 2009, 05:49 AM

I'm so sorry Christine.

ChristinaR · #6 November 21st, 2009, 06:16 AM

HUGS Christine, I saw your post in the DDC this morning. My heart is breaking for you. You and your family are in my thoughts an prayers. That is a beautiful picture of you and your Dad.

stlgirl · #7 November 21st, 2009, 06:31 AM

Oh sweetie...I am so so sorry...

adam*s_mami · #8 November 21st, 2009, 06:49 AM

I am sooo sorry you are sooo strong to be going through this while PG just remember he will always be with you and your LO your in my T&P...

MommaLee · #9 November 21st, 2009, 06:54 AM

I offer my condolences...I'm so sorry

I'll be praying for you and your family.

fromustobaby · #10 November 21st, 2009, 07:16 AM

I'm so sorry...I can't even imagine what you are going through...
that picture of you both is beautiful...

Etph007 · #11 November 21st, 2009, 07:40 AM

I'm so so sorry Christine

You're in my prayers. I can't imagine what you're going through

yarngirl · #12 November 21st, 2009, 07:46 AM

I'm so sorry sweetie. And you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how difficult this is with everything else going on too.

If you ever need to talk, please PM me. My father passed away shortly before my wedding. So I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I have been through something similiar. The loss is unimaginable. My heart goes out to you.

yarngirl · #13 November 21st, 2009, 07:52 AM

I'm so sorry sweetie. And you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how difficult this is with everything else going on too.

If you ever need to talk, please PM me. My father passed away shortly before my wedding. So I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I have been through something similiar. The loss is unimaginable. My heart goes out to you.

MommyPoky · #14 November 21st, 2009, 07:54 AM

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine.

KCMomma · #15 November 21st, 2009, 07:59 AM

Oh Christine, I'm so sorry for you huge loss. I can not even begin to imagine the pain you are feeling. I'm sorry you have to go through this ever, but especially while you are this far along in your pregnancy. Please lean on us JM sisters any time you need to. Hang in there sweetie and remember to take care ofyourself, your LO still needs you.

Oreobaby · #16 November 21st, 2009, 08:05 AM

I am so sorry sweetie...I can't even imagine what you are going through. The picture of you both is beautiful...and a wonderful memory I am sure. You and your family will be in my T & P during this time.

caring21 · #17 November 21st, 2009, 08:14 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss........

Gray_baby · #18 November 21st, 2009, 08:16 AM

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. I lost my dad many years ago just months before he turned 42, and there's not a day I don't miss him. My heart absolutely aches for you. Try to remember to eat and get some rest for your precious baby. I'm sending many thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

courtneytcu98 · #19 November 21st, 2009, 08:26 AM

Christine, I cannot imagine your heartbreak. I am terribly saddened for you and wish I had words that could offer you comfort. I believe there is dignity in how your dad died and I am thankful you have the solace of wonderful family and friends with whom you can begin to grieve.