[Elijah'sMommy]

How did you feel about visitors when you were in the hospital? Who was there? How long were you there?

I'm getting nervous because I really don't want too many visitors while I'm at the hospital (being I'll be exhausted, bleeding, learning to BF, and wanting to get to know my son plus I should only be there 2 days). I know my parents, DH's parents, aunt, brother, sister, and 2 of my friends will be coming. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by DH's family... my parents and friends understand how I feel and won't stay long (this is their first grandchild) but when I said something to my MIL I got a really weird look (this is her third, but DH is her favorite and this is his first child). I love my MIL but she is getting on my nerves already, wanting to know exactly how each of my appts go, literally wanting to be paged in her office when I call (she sounded so disappointed yesterday when I hadn't made progress since last week)... plus, we've been seeing A LOT of her and his family. Now my SIL is texting me telling me she wants to know right away when I go into labor so she can be at the hospital. Mind you, there is a limit of 4 visitors in the postpartum room at one time from hours 1-8pm. I'm afraid of constantly having people in and out of the room and also that because DH's family lives close to the hospital I won't be able to get rid of them! I know this sounds completely selfish but it's how I feel. Ugh, sorry about the rant... I feel better now that I got that out.

[Boo]

I didn't have any visitors because both of our families live 1000+ miles away. It was nice being just the three of us (and random docs/nurses throughout the day for checks) and I'm not really sure how I would have handled visitors.

I will say it's your birth and your hospital experience. If you don't want visitors or have had enough, tell the nurses and they can kick people out. Or, before anyone arrives, tell the nurses you'll say a code word when you've had enough and want them to kick everyone out. They can probably make up some kind of excuse for you. Let the others get mad all they want, they'll get over it.

[Lyz]

i was the opposite. i wanted people to visit me at the hospital and let me be at home...as for breastfeeding, when its time for Eli to eat and you have people there just tell them you need 20 minutes alone to nurse. they can either wait in the waiting area for you to finish or go home...chances are they will just leave

we really only had 1 day for visitors since i didnt get to my room until after 9pm on wednesday and visiting hours were over, all day thursday and then home by noon on friday.

its completely your decision but preferred the whirlwind at the hospital and peace and quiet, fior the first few days at last, at home.

dont stress, it will all work out

[Banned-Jaylas_Mommy]

i was only in the hospital for 1 day. we had quite a few visitors. i didnt really mind it though. but it is definetly up to you!

i say stick toyour guns. they may not like but hey will get over when they see your little boy!

[KCMomma]

Oh Lynda, I totally understand your concern! And I will tell you from my experience a lot of visitors no matter who they are is TOUGH! I thought "Oh I"ll be ok...just one more visitor" and then I got completely exhausted and would cry like every night after eveyone would FINALLY leave. I wish wish wish I would have told the nurses a code word and had them get everyone out. I think things would have been much easier. And for your concern about your in laws, I totally get it. Hang in there hun! You will soon be in a sleep deprived, high!!!

[Elijah'sMommy]

Thank you for your responses! I will definitely talk to the nurses and make up a code word! And I will definitely kick everyone out when it is time to BF.

If I thought I could get away with seeing everyone in the hospital and then having time at home alone I might not be as worried. but my mom will be staying with us the first week to help with cleaning and meals. Plus, since everything for Eli is at my MIL's house, she's planning on making trips from her house to our apt to bring us things we'll need (whatever DH doesn't pick up while I'm in the hospital). Then when Eli is 8 days old, we will be having his bris at our apartment (for those who don't know what it is... it is a jewish ceremony for Eli's circumcision) so we are going to have a bunch of people at the house that I won't be able to easily kick out (LOL!). I feel like I am working myself into a frenzy right now just thinking about it

[MommaLee]

I'm still really early but I also feel the same way. I am a very private person....I didn't want to tell anyone we were pregnant because then "everybody has to ask me questions!" which I hate! Then I get unsolicited advice....dh's step-dad tells me I need to concern myself with BPA in bottled water only to serve the bottled water to me in a glass cup!

I'm getting told what I can't do, what I need to register for and whatnot! My mom likes to come and stay a week when a grandchild is born....and dh's parents both live in town and I feel like I'll never get alone time.

I've already told dh we are going to have to specify visiting hours - in the hospital and at our house.

[Lo_and_Behold]

I know all too well about intrusive ILs. I could write a book. I don't even want to get started because I'll be here all day.
But as far as visitors, they were the only ones who insisted on coming the day I gave birth. Perhaps if I'd had the regular vaginal delivery I'd expected to have it wouldn't have been so bad. But I had 22 hours of labor, 2 hours of unsuccessful pushing & then a c/s. So I was tired & in pain & they came anyway & just sat there watching me. Awkward!! Not to mention my BIL came WHILE I WAS IN LABOR at 3 o'clock in the morning because he just happened to be in the neighborhood. Since when is St Catherine's in Smithtown in the neighborhood of Queens?? (and I'm being specific since I know you know where these places are! LOL)

I had 2 close friends & my aunt & cousin come the day before I left (I was there 4 days) when I'd recovered from the dreadful dehydration & IV hydration I dealt with & felt a bit better. Other than that, I told everyone I'd see them in a couple of weeks when we were more settled.

My situation is a little different because I had a c/s & was there longer & Allie was also in the NICU b/c of my fever & some of her lab results. So it's not like she was rooming in w/me where people could see her all day & night. I'd have to walk people down to the NICU & sit there w/them. I know it's tricky & you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but if you feel strongly about not wanting a parade of visitors, you should speak now or forever hold your peace. You could either put a time limit on how much they're there or ask them to come over once your home & settled. Maybe your DH can be your spokesperson & enforcer. Good luck & I hope everyone is understanding!
Where are you delivering? Jamaica?

[Celry]

I told DH over and over again before we had the girls that he had to be my advocate and speak up to his family. His mom thinks they can always visit when it's convenient for them and not for us. I know that would happen in the hospital as well. I put up with his parents and spouses, his sister and my parents the first night for a few hours, but it got late and I was exhausted. The next few days we kicked people out over and over again. My parents were really good about leaving, but his always showed up unannounced. If I was feeding or didn't want them there we'd make them sit in the waiting room until I was ready. One day they sat there for 2 hours. We thought they'd leave, but they didn't. It was all a bit too much even with not letting everyone in who wanted to visit. I would say to talk to people now and set some rules if you can.

[banksamee]

I had a TON of visitors. But I didn't know any better. Looking back, I think I would have set a 3 hour block of time each day to allow visitors. And that's it! (I didn't get ANY rest when I was in the hospital because of so many visitors) Try the time-thing...maybe that wouldn't hurt people's feelings.
Next time, I might even take one entire day and have no visitors.

[Elijah'sMommy]

The time limits sound great!!! Now I have to work on that with my ILs and try not to get the "look" from MIL! I've talked to DH so many times about how I feel regarding hospital visitors but he keeps flip-flopping on me! One minute he understands, then he asks why my friends need to come (1 lives 10 minutes away and will only come for 20 minutes and the other is like a sister to me... and she too will stay no more than 1/2 an hour). I don't think he realizes that it will mostly be his family that comes to the hospital... my parents live an hour and a half away from the hospital... without traffic. I'm hoping that when he sees how trying labor will be (I have no dillusions of just heading to the hospital and popping him out! I know it will be rough no matter how long labor is) he will be a stronger advocate for me in telling his family to strictly limit the time they come to the hospital.

Originally Posted by Lo_and_Behold

I know all too well about intrusive ILs. I could write a book. I don't even want to get started because I'll be here all day.
But as far as visitors, they were the only ones who insisted on coming the day I gave birth. Perhaps if I'd had the regular vaginal delivery I'd expected to have it wouldn't have been so bad. But I had 22 hours of labor, 2 hours of unsuccessful pushing & then a c/s. So I was tired & in pain & they came anyway & just sat there watching me. Awkward!! Not to mention my BIL came WHILE I WAS IN LABOR at 3 o'clock in the morning because he just happened to be in the neighborhood. Since when is St Catherine's in Smithtown in the neighborhood of Queens?? (and I'm being specific since I know you know where these places are! LOL)

I had 2 close friends & my aunt & cousin come the day before I left (I was there 4 days) when I'd recovered from the dreadful dehydration & IV hydration I dealt with & felt a bit better. Other than that, I told everyone I'd see them in a couple of weeks when we were more settled.

My situation is a little different because I had a c/s & was there longer & Allie was also in the NICU b/c of my fever & some of her lab results. So it's not like she was rooming in w/me where people could see her all day & night. I'd have to walk people down to the NICU & sit there w/them. I know it's tricky & you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but if you feel strongly about not wanting a parade of visitors, you should speak now or forever hold your peace. You could either put a time limit on how much they're there or ask them to come over once your home & settled. Maybe your DH can be your spokesperson & enforcer. Good luck & I hope everyone is understanding!
Where are you delivering? Jamaica?

Um, Queens and Smithtown are no where near each other... sounds like BIL was stalking you!!

I'm delivering at Huntington hospital with NSLIJ in Manhasset as a backup. I loved Huntington hospital and I really wanted to stay with my doctor.

Originally Posted by banksamee

I had a TON of visitors. But I didn't know any better. Looking back, I think I would have set a 3 hour block of time each day to allow visitors. And that's it! (I didn't get ANY rest when I was in the hospital because of so many visitors) Try the time-thing...maybe that wouldn't hurt people's feelings.
Next time, I might even take one entire day and have no visitors.

This would be optimal for me!!!

[Oreobaby]

I like Lee Ann am still very early!! However, I don't think this will be a problem for me. I know a few friends will visit me at the hospital, but I think most will wait till I'm home. DH's family is not intrusive at all, and will respect our want for time to spend with our baby...and my family lives 3 hrs away. I know mom will be coming to spend a week with us after baby is born to help with the cooking and cleaning, and hopefully letting me get a bit more sleep...

I hope you can find a solution though!!

[courtneytcu98]

Oh Lynda! I feel for you. I had a jam-packed day of visitors at home about a week after I had Elliott and it was way too much. By the end of the day, I was almost in tears. And then DH asked if he could wake Elliott up to show him to his dad and I finally put my foot down and said no.

I have had several friends that in their emails announcing the birth said the stats and such and then how much they wanted everyone to meet the baby after they were home and settled for a few weeks. I wish I could remember the exact wording. . . . not that this would work w/ intrusive family--they will think that is for everyone else, not for them! My DH didn't get why I didn't want his family there or stayign with us shortly after E was born, either. It was many a discussion on that topic and then chiming in from his psychologist that finally did the trick.

I would definitely say that the nurses are your friend. They will do exactly what you need them to. Use them.

[SassyMama]

I had a lot of visitors and I hated it! I don't mind my close relatives and his close relatives but it's not a freakin' party people - come in, say congrats, and bounce. I don't need you to stick around and make small-talk for three hours. I'm swollen, I'm sore, I'm exhausted and I'm not in the mood to entertain. They really couldn't stay long though - I delivered at NYU and the parking around that area is horrendous

DH's uncle even showed up when I was in labor. He got the pleasure of hearing me cursing out his favorite nephew for trying to make me laugh and screaming at my doctor because he wouldn't believe me when I said I was in pain. And not to mention everyone wanted to come and see Siera while she was in the NICU. Our families are old-world European so they think it's disrespectful to NOT show up at the hospital.

I told DH that next time around, I'm not telling anyone I gave birth until I'm HOME from the hospital. He flipped out asking "Why?" I told him because the way we do things, we don't allow a new mommy to get comfortable with her child and people make nursing uncomfortable. He was like whatever - UNTIL his cousin's wife gave birth two weeks ago and we went to the hospital to visit her and walked in on her trying to breastfeed. DH was so embarrassed that I don't think he'll put up a fight with me about this anymore

[NortheastWifey]

I think everyone has already given you great advice, but I wanted to ditto getting the nurses to help you. They are so great at that. They'll definitely be able to help usher people out when you've had enough.

[samspain]

I told eveyone that they could visit me at home afterwards. In the hospital I had my parents, my Ils and DH brothers/sisters.

My room mate however had the world in to see her, starting at 8am and finishing at gone 11pm. Her Mum worked at the hospital so the 3 visitors at a time rule didnt apply. I was so ready to go home!!

[Elijah'sMommy]

Thank you everyone for your responses!!!! I am definitely going to take your advice about letting the ILs know ahead of time (will they listen? IDK, hopefully!) and I am going to talk to the nurses to let them know my wishes. Luckily, I know no one can come into the LDR room besides DH... whew!

Dina, I WISH this hospital had terrible parking!!! It's got a nice big lot and anytime we've gone, we found a good spot right away

Lee Ann and Marci, definitely want your input too! You'll (hopefully not) be dealing with this later in your pregnancy!


WHEW! Just got an email from SIL saying she will wait til she is called to the hospital for when it will be a good time to visit... Also said she understands that when I want people to go, I want them to go! Baby steps. I know FIL will leave when I want, BIL will be uncomfortable anyway in the hospital (he doesn't like hospitals but will come with DH's aunt so he can see us). Now it will be getting rid of MIL when I want everyone out. I'm feeling a little better

[stlgirl]

wow, good thread. DH and I just had our childbirth center tour last night and all I could think was "omg I sure hope we're not stuck in this tiny room with family and friends all friggin' day..."

I love the code word idea. Will have to talk to the recovery nurses about that one so that I can kick people out without hurting feelings, which will be a tough thing since this is the first grandchild on both sides of the family AND the first baby of our group of friends, so I fear that they'll be a lot of excitement and anticipation that could result in constant visitation...

[Elijah'sMommy]

Originally Posted by stlgirl

wow, good thread. DH and I just had our childbirth center tour last night and all I could think was "omg I sure hope we're not stuck in this tiny room with family and friends all friggin' day..."

I love the code word idea. Will have to talk to the recovery nurses about that one so that I can kick people out without hurting feelings, which will be a tough thing since this is the first grandchild on both sides of the family AND the first baby of our group of friends, so I fear that they'll be a lot of excitement and anticipation that could result in constant visitation...

I'm glad I am not the only one with concerns! I hope things work out with you too when you are in the hospital. It is such an exciting time for everyone but it is us that are going through the whole birth process and we need to keep ourselves as comfortable and non-aggitated as possible! think it is easier for those who are excited about the new baby to lose track of the mommy who just gave birth. I remember my DH telling me about his biological sister having a traumatic birth (before we met) and when everyone went to see her in the hospital, he was the only one who went to see her before the baby to ask how she was feeling.

[~April04~]

((hugs)) I would definitely look into having a code word and kicking people out when you no longer want them.

I'm a very private person as well - plus my family lives 300+ miles away and my DH's family lives 1200+ miles away - they already know I don't want anyone here for awhile. They're all planning on coming the middle of February. My mom is upset at me because this will be the only grandchild that she won't be in the room for the actual birth.