[amazing_love]

This is long but i feel like i need to get this out because i'm quite annoyed right now...

DH and I decided to go over to my family's house tonight to tell them the news. We decided it was best to not tell his family until tonight as well, because his mom works with someone who is a close friend of my family. So if she were to tell him or someone else at her work it could very well get back to my family very quickly. We would like to be the ones to tell them of course (makes sense IMO) So it seemed like it was easier to wait and tell everyone around the same time.

Well DH's mom called him at work today and asked him what we're having. He told her that he's planning on calling them all and telling them tonight, because we want to tell everyone around the same time in case something were to get out. (not sure his exact words, but something to that effect). I guess she seemed a little upset over it. He called me afterwards and told me what happened. It doesn't seem at all worth it to me for her to be upset and i'd rather it not turn into something negative. So right away i told him "go ahead and call her back and just tell her. Just make sure to ask her not to tell anyone else until tomorrow." I thought this should make her happy. Why wouldn't it right? Well when he called her back and told her he would tell her as long as she could keep it a secret until tomorrow, she was still acting upset and said "no just call me tonight" He told her he really didn't mind her knowing now but she was being stubborn. She even ended up hanging up on him! He called her back and asked "did you hang up on me" and she was like "yes, i don't want to talk right now. Just call me tonight."

What the heck?! This is extremely confusing to me. I can't understand why she'd be upset, especially since we were willing to tell her now. We should have the right to wait as long as we want to tell people IMO since we are the parents after all! I mean, some people find out the gender and keep it a secret from family until the birth. I hate to make people unhappy and thought we were being very understanding. Now i'm just irritated. We are unable to communicate with his mother because she is horrible at communication. She'll walk out of the room to avoid talking or obviously hang up on you! BTW she usually doesn't have a problem venting to others about it which always worries me. I told DH that he shouldn't tell her the gender tonight until she's willing to talk about her feelings with him. I'm not sure if that's the best way to go or not, i just know she'll never communicate with him if it's up to her.

Now i'm also a little worried about what's to come in the future with the baby's birth and all. I want to make others happy but feel like DH and I should have things how we want them since he is OUR baby!

I'm sorry that was so long. Thanks for listening. If you made it through this then bless your heart!

[SassyMama]

That was very childish of her. I'm sorry, but getting upset over not finding out right way and having to wait a couple of hours is just childish. And hanging up on her son? Ridiculous. If I were you guys, I'd tell your family first and let it get back to her through that same coworker. Then again, I'm just a brat so you probably wouldn't want to do that..

Honestly, I think this will blow over before the baby is here. She'll be upset for a few days but once she finds out she's going to have a beautiful grandson, I'm sure she'll get over it. Don't stress yourself out over it

[CandaceDianne]

Oh goodness! My mom gets sensitive about some things too. She got mad when a few months back we decided it would just be me and him at the u/s (after I had said we would probably have family come with us, granted AND before we decided on the gender cake). I wouldnt call her back tonight if it were me. Dont cater to her needs, because she is obviously just getting what she wants. I mean its your DH's mother and I dont know their relationship....but I bet if he didnt call by like 9PM tonight then she may end up calling him. THEN he should call her out on her actions and talk about that before they talk about the baby. Thats just my opinion, but that would upset me too! I hate it when people try to dictate what you do by getting mad when you dont do it their way! UGH! That's very irritating!!! I hope it works out!

[fromustobaby]

I hate when that kind of stuff happens...my DHs family is pretty crazy, and that kind of stuff always happens with them...ugh ugh ugh!
So so sorry that happened to you...specially during such a wonderfully happy occasion as finding out about your son...


I'm kinda with everyone else, if you cater to her, she will get worse...she can not dictate what you do with your baby, who you tell and when...

Again, I really feel ya on this one...cause we deal with it all the time...

[*Mommy2Camden*]

I can see why you're upset. I'm sorry she acted so childish about the whole thing. You guys have every right to tell people whenever you want, and no one should be getting upset. Hopefully she will realize how irrational she acted and apologize.

[pthree]

I am sorry she is being so childish. Seriously, hanging up on someone? That's just rude. And you're absolutely right, you don't have to tell anyone anything!

I think families were made to guilt trip us. We haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant except our parents and DH's sister who lives with us, and if it were up to me I wouldn't have even told them until after the first trimester. DH and I agreed that no one else would find out until the 2nd trimester. Well, DH's grandmother's birthday is this week and I started to feel bad for her not knowing, so I sent her a "great grandmother" birthday card, and signed it "Love, Baby Lastname, arriving August 2, 2010." She called in excitement, but then asked if anyone else knew. I told her our parents have known for a couple of weeks but we didn't want to tell a lot of other people in case something bad happens.

Well naturally I still got a major guilt trip about how she was "the last one to know," and how it's not fair, etc etc. Ugh. People really like to make our pregnancies all about themselves.

[Hoosier Kitty]

Sounds like my mother and few aunts who would do that...
I learned just to shut up & hold the secret and tell everyone IN PERSON at a family gathering instead of over the phone. Phone is dangerous!


Added... or email everyone at once (If you have relatives out of states).. so no one is left out.

I was the last person to find out about my SIL's pregnancy and I got upset.. but I did not give my SIL a guilt trip. I had a talk with her and found out she didn't want to hurt my feelings cuz she knew we were TTC with MFI. But still.

[amazing_love]

Thanks for being so great ladies I'm glad you all agree with me. I wasn't sure if i was over reacting, as recently i've been really emotional in general. DH says he plans to call and talk to her tonight. He plans to tell her that she needs to start communicating her feelings with him and that it would make their relationship better, etc. and THEN if that goes well he'll tell her the gender.

I HATE drama!!

[stlgirl]

Sorry about her reaction, Krista! She sounds like she's got a controlling and a passive-agressive streak like MY mom does. Sigh - that's family for you, gotta take the good with the bad! Anyway, don't let her reaction spoil the fun of telling the rest of the family. This should still be a joyous event.

Sounds like my MIL. And she was REALLY bad with Jack's birth. Like, huge family drama.

Sorry you have to deal with this. MILs can be really immature, self centered, PITA sometimes. Or in my case, all of the time

[ca_dawson]

Sorry she is being that way! I would be upset too. She is being very childish. But definitely don't let her put a damper on your exciting moment! She'll get over herself eventually!

[Oreobaby]

Krista, I am sorry that your MIL had such a reaction to wanting to wait. It is tough when we feel like we have to be the adults when it comes to our parents. She is/was definitely being childish, and I can see your concern about raising your son. Please always remember, that you are the mom and dad, and ultimately, no matter how anyone else acts, it is our decision on what you want to do with your son!! She already was the parent to children (whom have now are all grown) and she is no longer allowed to dictate what they do. (and it's not really fair of her to make you and DH feel crappy about such exciting news, and about something that is ment to be so joyful. Please try not to let it ruin the experience of getting to tell others.

[mandyt]

What I've learned about situations like this is that it's rarely actually about the surface thing... in this case, finding out the baby's gender. There is usually something deeper under the surface, and since you seem to imply she has problems communicating anyway. Not knowing anything about your family, I don't have the first guess what it could be (maybe she didn't feel trusted? is struggling with the idea of being a grandmother? can't totally let your DH go? IDK...), but I hope she'll respond to your DH when he asks her to talk to him honestly, and in an ideal world she would apologize for her behavior... though if you can get her to talk honestly at all, I'd say take what you can get! Try to make it clear that you want revealing the baby's gender to be a fun and joyful surprise, so you're not holding it back to be stubborn, but to keep the mood around the reveal exciting and happy. I'm sorry she's taking some of your joy away in this way, I hope things iron themselves out fast.

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

I'm so sorry Krista. I'm sorry her childishness has ruined what is supposed to be a wonderful and exciting time in your life. I really hope she opens up to Jimmy and starts communicating better. Hope something like this doesn't happen again.

[denalibear]

Sorry you are having to deal with this right now...I hope they can talk it out.

[Sakeenco]

that is insane it's not like u were going to make her wait for months or anything it was only hours she crossed the line for sure and definately don't let her get u down and have ur moment ruined.

[karenwalter]

I can't believe she would react like that. You absolutely have the right to tell people when you choose. I'm glad your DH is going to talk with her. Hope you still have a great time telling everyone the gender!

[amazing_love]

Okay i feel much better now. Jimmy talked to her last night and asked her why she was upset. Luckily she actually decided to talk to him about it (i'm thinking because some time had passed). She told him she was upset because he said she couldn't keep a secret. Now I had no idea he said that to her earlier or if those were his exact words but i had a suspicion maybe the reason she was upset could be something he said. Anyway, he told her he wasn't meaning that at all and that he doesn't think that about her. So i guess that's it. It wasn't that she cared about having to wait. It was just that she felt like he didn't trust her enough to tell her. Bottom line, it got resolved. I think Jimmy will be a little more careful when he talks to her from now on!

[stlgirl]

glad you got it resolved

[fromustobaby]

So glad it worked out well