[Oreobaby]

I am so frustrated right now. My MIL has decided that she doesn't want to have the shower till AFTER Rayanne is born. Which to me is so stupid! I mean now there is a bunch of things that we are going to have to for sure buy that we may have gotten as shower gifts, so it's extra expense to us...plus my MIL already gave us **** for buying the travel system stating that we should wait till the shower because family will buy big items for the shower...well now, she wants us to wait to get the crib and dresser. My mom is the same way. I don't REALLY mind if the shower is after really, but then why are they giving me a hard time about buying the big stuff. They say I won't NEED a crib really till she is older (we plan on having her sleep in our room for a while) and we really don't NEED a dresser...well, considering half of her clothes are in our dresser...yes...we kind of do.

Most of all, I just want the nursery done and set up BEFORE the baby is here...and I'm going to have enough to do once the baby is here without having to wash all the new cloths, and everything after the baby is here...like I need more stress.

Not only that, my mom and dad are already planning on going to BC for my nieces 1st birthday at the end of July...so then depending on when we have the baby, we are looking at probably August before we have the shower. Of course, my mom simply states, you don't have to worry about it, you are going to end up having her early anyway!! I'm not sure when she got a Crystal ball, but ok...whatever. I'm just so disappointed, it changes everything, and just makes it so much harder. Am I being selfish?? I just don't know.

[fromustobaby]

I'm sorry Marci

I hear where you are coming from for sure, I was completely behind the curve, but in the last few weeks have gone completely crazy because I NEEDED to get every little thing that I'd need for him RIGHT NOW!! I had a small baby shower 3 weeks ago, and was going crazy waiting till after that to buy the rest of the stuff...

And, you are a planner much more so than I am...

Is there any way that you can talk to her and explain that you really appreciate her doing the shower, but asking if it would be possible to do it before the baby is here, and explain exactly why...because you want to spend time focused on the baby after she is here instead of setting up furniture,. cleaning clothes, etc...and maybe if she really wants to have one after, you could have a post-baby shower also (not a gift shower though), so everyone who was at the shower can meet the baby???

[Hoosier Kitty]

Tonya.
First of all, it's YOUR and Kelly's baby... not your MIL and Mother's. Be straight with her and explain your reasons what you just told us. And you want to be stress free. You deserve much more than that. You aren't selfish.

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

I posted in your journal but I love Tonya's suggestion. I hope they change their minds.

[sherlockholmes]

Ditto to Tonya! What's their reasoning on doing the shower afterward anyway?

[Etph007]

I agree I would REALLY try to talk to her. You don't need the extra stress! I'm sure she will understand!

Maybe you could do a "sip and see" after the baby is here for everyone to meet her if that is your MIL's intention (to let everyone see the baby).

[KCMomma]

I definitely ditto the other ladies. I was just like you...a planner. I in no way think you are being selfish. Stick to your guns lady! You are the mom...NO ONE ELSE!!! You need to do what works for you and what will make you happy!

[::MummyToTwo::]

its your baby you should tell them how you feel!

I had never heard of/thought I would have a shower so we bought all the big ticket items so I didn't have that "waiting for the shower" jitters!

[tiffanys]

I agree that you should try to explain to her how you feel and your reasons for feeling that way!
& I don't think you are being selfish at all...the point in a baby shower is to make sure that you have everything you need for baby before baby arrives! I hope you can get them to change their minds hun!

[Oreobaby]

Thanks girls...I tried talking to my mom...but that got me no where, so I'm either going to talk to my MIL or I'm going to have DH talk to my MIL...it just doesn't make sense to wait till after the baby is here...and it is just going to add more stress for me, which sucks!! Hopefully she will be understanding...I am hoping DH will talk to her, because I think that will be better!

[MommaLee]

I hope you can get through to her. I'm a real planner also and once the baby is born.....I don't want to have to run out and get every little thing we didn't get. Personally, if I was told the same thing....I just buy it all myself.

Is your sister close by to where she would throw you a shower? Or maybe a close friend?

[DeepSouthMommy]

Hey Marci! Do you by chance think they are trying to throw you off track so they can surprise you with a shower? I know that tactic has been used before by people I know, so maybe they have something in the works.

Whatever the case, I sure hope you get it straight soon so you don't have to stress anymore.

[Oreobaby]

Nope...lol...definitely not that. But it would be a nice thought...they are definitely planning it for after as my MIL doesn't feel "right" about having it before the baby is born, whatever that means!

[Oreobaby]

Well...the MIL decided that it will be after baby comes. I guess in a way I can kind of understand her thinking but at the same time...it's just going to make things so hard. She doesn't want to do it before in case something happens to be the baby...as in, I lose it again. Which kind of makes me feel yucky, and at the same time...I don't want to think that way. I can't think that way...I have to think that everything is going to be fine. Fortunately, my sister feels my pain, and is working on the possibility of doing one earlier, that she is going to help with...which is awesome...she is quite PO'd at my MIL, and says she doesn't really understand her thinking. Anyway, she is going to talk to my mom, and see what they can do. Thanks so much for all your suggestions girls...unfortuantely...talking to the MIL didn't help...she just kept telling me not to worry about it...that a month isn't that long after baby comes.

[Oreobaby]

My MIL did say that she was planning on buying us the dresser or the crib, as long as they weren't too expensive, so now I feel like I should be looking at something cheaper, instead of looking at something I really love. The ones that I have fallen in love with are about $300.00 each...but I am going to go look now to see if I can find anything different. I guess this just isn't how I imagined decorating my childs room would be like...I'm not saying she should buy the $300.00 one, but if it's too much money then maybe she can give us money towards it then?? I don't know.

[MommaLee]

Are you going to do the DDC gift exchange?

[MommaLee]

If there is any interest on the grads board, we could do an exchange.

[Oreobaby]

Again, the only thing that makes me hesitant with this is what happened with Addie...did you decide that you were doing it?

[MommaLee]

Yeah, I am going to participate. Alot of the ladies in the DDC that are participating have been active, so I feel better about it.

[ca_dawson]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that Marci. That's a horrible thought process for your MIL to have! Our nursery is almost completely done BEFORE the shower! I did not want to wait at all so we ended up buying most of the stuff. My mom bought the crib and changing table and we bought the decor and bookshelf. The only thing left is the glider/ottomon combo but my mom wanted us to put that on our registry. I also think its easier to do it earlier because what if you DON'T get alot of the big ticket items at the shower? Then instead of being able to spread the cost around little by little, you have to go and purchase everything at once. That would totally stress me out. I would still have your DH see if he could talk some sense into your MIL. I think she is being the selfish one. Its a shower for YOU not her and it should work on YOUR schedule. Big hugs! I hope they come to their senses! I'd be tempted to tell her thanks but no thanks if she insisted on doing it after and have someone else do it! Maybe I'm a little hormonal these days....