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Question about telling friends about pregnancy


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  #1  
April 23rd, 2010, 06:34 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
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Hi ladies,
First of all, sorry if this gets too long, I'll try to keep it short. I need some advice about some friends.

Basically, D and I decided to tell our friends that we are pregnant. It was a hard choice to make so early, but since we spend at least 1-2 weekends/month with the same group of people (3 couples) and usually meet up for happy hour and dinner, it would be obvious very quickly when I wasn't drinking...we could of made lame excuses week after week and the girls would have known anyway, or we could of become recluses and we didn't want that either. So, we told everyone at a house party last weekend.

So, out of the 3 couples we hang out with, 1 are very close friends and know all about us doing IVF, etc. So, we told them personally before the party. They are great friends and a huge support to us, and we love them. That's not where the problem came up. The other 2 couples we told in the large group setting. It was the most awkward moment in our lives. Instead of the burst of "congratulations" you'd expect, it was more confusion and stuttering congratulations after a weird pause. Then, the girls came up and gave me a hug. Keep in mind these two couples KNEW we have been trying for a year. They didn't know that we were going to do IVF. We didn't discuss details with them, because although we spend quite a bit of time with them, we are not super close girlfriends. That and they never asked, so I didn't volunteer any information because I didn't want to bore them. They do not have any children yet and are not trying at this time.

Then, as the night continued, the girls (again not who I'd consider my best friends or anything but has been my friend for almost 4 years now) said NOTHING to me about my pregnancy. NOT ONE WORD. NOT ONE QUESTION. NOTHING. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not all about myself and want to be the center of attention, it's not that. It just that I am so hurt that she didn't even mention a thing to me.

Is it because neither of these 2 couples have children?

I just don't get their reaction and as more time passes, I am a little more offended. I got a text from both of them this week, completely non related to pregnancy. It's like I didn't tell them, like it never happened. They haven't even acknowledged it!

I'm not too sure I really even want to speak to them...I am just hurt. Maybe I'll change my mind and decided to talk to them, but right now...I don't know. Am I being irrational? Or unfair to them? Would you be offended and hurt?
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  #2  
April 23rd, 2010, 07:32 PM
jensma's Avatar Katie: mommy to Ty & Em
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Location: Texas
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I'm not sure how to take it. That is just weird...isn't it a normal reaction for people to talk to you about pregnancy as soon as you announce it?! It has been for me, everyone wants to talk about it. We waited and told several of our couple friends, and they were all elated and wondered why we waited so long to tell!

Are the other two girls good friends? That whole things just screams weird to me! I'm sorry, that stinks but I'm sure they are happy for you and probably do have questions but don't know where to begin. I do know that people who already have children (at least in my experience) don't ask as many questions for whatever reason...still, that's odd! Sorry girl, i hope I helped at least a little!
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  #3  
April 23rd, 2010, 07:42 PM
MommyPoky's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know my friends without kids don't usually talk to me about it. It's kind of something we don't have in common. It never bothered me. In fact, one of my friends, I found out really wants a baby but her husband doesn't, so I feel like my being pregnant is a little hard on her. You still have stuff in common to talk about, just not this. You'll get plenty of people asking you stuff - especially older people - once more people know.
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  #4  
April 23rd, 2010, 08:04 PM
amonstersmomma's Avatar Coetta Dawn
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
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90% of my friends do not have kids. I'm 20 and DH is 21 so most our friends were not even thinking of TTC while we were and most of them aren't even married. They too acted like we never told them we were pregnant. It was really weird and annoyed me. Even now with my obvious baby bump out there no one really says anything. I did notice that if we bring something baby related up though they can go on and on with questions and what-not. Like if they ask what we've been up to and we mention how we're shopping for baby or something then they'll get more involved in baby convo. Maybe your friends are like that too? I agree though, I can't help but find it rude and hurtful at first!
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  #5  
April 23rd, 2010, 08:22 PM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If I were in your shoes, I would not be upset....mainly because I have not told alot of people we are expecting. In fact, someone at my work just found out on Monday and came to my office and congratulated me. I don't really care that people ask me about the pregnancy because I consider it a personal matter....but I do have 2 friends that are wanting babies and ask me tons of questions and I just gave one of the girls my leftover opks and preseed packets.

Also, dh has a friend that is in his late 50's who never had children and was actually speechless when dh told him I was pregnant. And I mean speechless. He is a delivery driver and delivers to my office and will come in and visit and even told me that he couldn't believe dh was going to be a father but now he is all up in my business. Maybe they just need some time to let it sink in.

I think you should give them some time.
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  #6  
April 24th, 2010, 05:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,367
I have only just started telling people about this pregnancy (because I had 4 previous losses) and I have gotten all sorts of reactions. Some good, some not so great. For the most part I try and remember how I felt when I heard about a pregnancy while I was dealing with my losses. Sometimes I would be exstatic for the person, sometimes I would be worried for the person, and sometimes I would be downright mad that it was not me. So really all I can say is that even though you are good friends you might not know what they are dealing with (one friend of mine who I have known for almost 10 years only found out about my miscarriages a few months ago - she is living in a bubble that only contains her). You just never know what people are going through on their own or what their initial reaction is.

I am sorry they could not have mustered at least a decent surprised and excited reaction for you regardless of their own circumstances but they will come around. I would keep things much the same as they are now and involve them in baby stuff but don't try and push the subject to pregnancy and baby all of the time. Also, if you feel comfortable ask them how they feel about it. You might be surprised to find out what they have to say.
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  #7  
April 24th, 2010, 06:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,797
It's great to hear different perspectives from all of you. Despite me being perturbed at their lack luster reactions, I do care about them as people, or else I wouldn't continue to spend time with them. I guess I will just give them a little bit of time to redeem themselves! I'm sure that they both just in a completely different place than me and my husband are right now. We are over the moon excited because we want this baby so very badly. So, when other people who you care about (and thought cared about you) seem less than thrilled, it's hard to swallow.

I won't bring anything up the next time we get together, and just see if they need extra time to process it all. At some point, they are going to have to say something...I can't imagine this to continue for 9 months....

So, thanks for your comments! YOu guys are great!
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  #8  
April 24th, 2010, 01:10 PM
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I noticed that with most of my friends who didn't have kids. They just didn't seem to think to ask since they didn't know much about it. Don't worry though, once that due date rolls around, you'll have everyone asking about your pregnancy!
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