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  #1  
April 26th, 2010, 06:41 AM
MommyPoky's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So, I have this friend who was my best friend for a very long time (since 4th grade in fact), and we have since drifted apart a little bit, but I still consider her my friend. I met this guy and his wife (who later had twins that are always present at the games) when I was in school, and we started a d&d game (I know I'm a nerd) with this friend and her husband, as well as some of their other friends. Since then, they started playing Shadowrun and things I'm not really interested in, plus with my job teaching, I really didn't have the time to sacrifice half a weekend day to play games with them, so I quit doing that...maybe a year ago? Anyway, we are kind of out of touch a little, but nevertheless...

This weekend, I texted her to ask her for her address to send her an invite to my baby shower, and we were sort of chatting over text. I agreed to go to a martial arts class with her next weekend because I want to spend more time with her, and she asked about how being pregnant was, and we talked about that for a while. I asked when she was planning on having kids and she said she didn't really care if she ever had them and her husband is on the no side as well, so I said something like, "well you can be auntie to my baby"

Instead of just saying "ok " or something similarly noncommittal, she said "I don't think I have the patience to deal with kids much", basically saying that she doesn't want anything to do with me if there's a baby involved I know she hangs out with these people on a weekly basis who have two little ones, but I'm confused as to why she would up front tell me she doesn't want to see my baby. It totally hurt my feelings, and I'm rethinking the martial arts class, because maybe I'm better off with some distance from her.

Am I crazy to have my feelings hurt over this or is it reasonable? I definitely have other friends who are excited for me, so her lackluster response isn't the end of the world.
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  #2  
April 26th, 2010, 07:30 AM
CandaceDianne's Avatar Lilyan's Mommy
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That would totally bother me too! I don't think she meant that she doesn't want to be around your baby....but maybe more of she doesn't want to take responsibilty for her, like babysitting? MAYBE!? Usually when you think of Aunts and Uncles, you think of people really involved in their nieces and nephews lives with one-on-one time sometimes. So I think she was TRYING to say that she doesn't want to babysit them and be all giddy around babies. Still, she could have said it more politely or talked to you more about it at another time. Sometimes things can be misconstrued when you are typing and not speaking over the phone or face-to-face. Next time you see her, ask her what she meant by that comment?
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  #3  
April 26th, 2010, 07:42 AM
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That's entirely possible, but I have a hard time imagining she would think she would be babysitting- I don't even ask her to dog sit for me lol! But I guess it's a possibility - still weird when she hangs around 2 year old twins since the week they were born though. :-/
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  #4  
April 26th, 2010, 07:59 AM
CandaceDianne's Avatar Lilyan's Mommy
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I just think she doesn't want to me 'hands-on' and real involved? Im sorry she said that though!!
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  #5  
April 26th, 2010, 08:22 AM
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In my past experiences, when people who don't have kids act nonchalant about not having them (i.e. "I don't care if I ever have them") it usually means that they've been trying to get PG and haven't been able to. Maybe she says that to avoid the TTC advice and questions from other people? Otherwise I really can't think of a reason a person would say something hurtful like that.
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  #6  
April 26th, 2010, 10:10 AM
CandaceDianne's Avatar Lilyan's Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SassyMama View Post
In my past experiences, when people who don't have kids act nonchalant about not having them (i.e. "I don't care if I ever have them") it usually means that they've been trying to get PG and haven't been able to. Maybe she says that to avoid the TTC advice and questions from other people? Otherwise I really can't think of a reason a person would say something hurtful like that.
You know, that is a good point, I didn't even think of that!
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  #7  
April 26th, 2010, 10:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SassyMama View Post
In my past experiences, when people who don't have kids act nonchalant about not having them (i.e. "I don't care if I ever have them") it usually means that they've been trying to get PG and haven't been able to. Maybe she says that to avoid the TTC advice and questions from other people? Otherwise I really can't think of a reason a person would say something hurtful like that.
That is a good point...however, if that's not the case, I'm not sure why she would say that, I have two friends that also have "no intentions of having kids" but are more than happy to be called Auntie to my little girl. I'm sorry she hurt your feelings, hopefully it is just a misunderstanding, and it can get sorted out.
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  #8  
April 26th, 2010, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SassyMama View Post
In my past experiences, when people who don't have kids act nonchalant about not having them (i.e. "I don't care if I ever have them") it usually means that they've been trying to get PG and haven't been able to. Maybe she says that to avoid the TTC advice and questions from other people? Otherwise I really can't think of a reason a person would say something hurtful like that.
I was going to suggest the same thing, not that it ALWAYS means they really want kids and can't have them, but sometimes this is the reason they seem bitter. Especially since she's not just saying they won't be having kids, but she says she doesn't care and her husband says no. If this is the case, maybe she's ok with the twins because at that time there wasn't a definite no from her husband? Either way, I'm sorry she hurt your feelings
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  #9  
April 26th, 2010, 03:56 PM
MommyPoky's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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could be any of the above I guess. I wish I were closer to her so we could talk about it, but like I said we've drifted apart. Ah well. Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not being too over sensitive!
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  #10  
April 26th, 2010, 04:09 PM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SassyMama View Post
In my past experiences, when people who don't have kids act nonchalant about not having them (i.e. "I don't care if I ever have them") it usually means that they've been trying to get PG and haven't been able to. Maybe she says that to avoid the TTC advice and questions from other people? Otherwise I really can't think of a reason a person would say something hurtful like that.
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  #11  
April 26th, 2010, 06:48 PM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Maybe she feels that you are close enough to say that to you. We know a few people who are not "kid friendly" and don't feel comfortable around children.

Is she an only child or the youngest child?

Also, I have a friend that swore she would never get married and never have kids....about 5 years ago she got married and now has 2 little girls and is a stay at home mom. At her wedding, her sister thanked the groom and told a little story about R never wanting to get married.
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  #12  
April 27th, 2010, 06:45 AM
MommyPoky's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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She is the youngest child, and she did go through a lousy first marriage that involved step kids, though I don't know many details about it. Because of that, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually doesn't want kids.
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