[Soape]

I apologize in advance for the long vent. Since I've been on bed rest my inlaws have taken up the brunt of helping DH and I including his retired step mother coming to live with us while I was at home. She has REALLY enjoyed living with us because she really doesn't like my FIL. Well she always knew that when the baby came that I wanted her to move out until it was time for her to babysit when I went back to work and only on the nights that we need her. I want my house back and an opportunity to be a wife and mother to my child and husband without someone overseeing the whole situation. Well she has been coming up to the hospital to see me and all she has been saying lately is that I'm getting myself in over my head and that I WILL need her that DH and I wont be able to do this alone. I'm soooooooo frustrated by the fact that she is trying to make us feel like we cant be parents. We are 27 and 29 years old and I've been raising myself since I was 6 years old for the most part. DH and I don't rely on anyone for anything usually, we both work really hard and have a nice home, car, and plenty of money for the unexpected. We are mature adults. I'm sure that being a new parent is going to have it's challenges and we are not being nieve about that, but DH and I work so good as a team that I know we can handle what ever may come up. Not to mention that I take care of babies (NICU nurse) for a living. I know she's only saying those things to make herself feel more needed but I'm not in the position to tolerate people putting me and DH down right now. We've been through enough!!!. She's just mad because I want her to move out. I don't know how to handle her in a way that wont burn a bridge. Any ideas?

[mlyster]

What a tough situation. I would try to make her feel like you agree she is very much needed and her support will be fantastic but that you want some time to yourselves to be a family - just like you had time to yourselves after you got married. Maybe try reassuring her that you WILL call when you need help but that you want to try this on your own.

It will not be an easy conversation - especially given your current circumstances!

[CandaceDianne]

Originally Posted by mlyster

What a tough situation. I would try to make her feel like you agree she is very much needed and her support will be fantastic but that you want some time to yourselves to be a family - just like you had time to yourselves after you got married. Maybe try reassuring her that you WILL call when you need help but that you want to try this on your own.

It will not be an easy conversation - especially given your current circumstances!

I agree. Im sorry she is being selfish in your family's time. This is one time in our lives where we can be as selfish as we want. I hope it works out!! {{{HUGS}}}

[Lyz]

why do people think it's ok to say stuff like that to a very pregnant person who is already emotional about all of this? I'm sorry HUGS!!!

I would express to her that you are very capable of caring for your baby since you have tons of experience working the NICU. You will appreciate any help when YOU ask for it but for now, you want the experience of being a first time mom and dad together.

Side note: you will have overwhelmed but it's totally normal.

[~* Liss *~]

I'm so sorry Amanda... I wish I had some suggestions for you - but I always come off like too much of a witch!

[KDD]

Jason & I want some time alone with the baby before either mother comes to visit. (of course we may change our minds when we're in week 38 and not just in week 8). We want to bond with our baby and figure out a routine that works for us.

I think you MIL likes to be needed. I agree that you should sweetly let her know how much you appreciated her help and that you won't hesitate to call her if you need her to come back.

[karenwalter]

Sorry you're having to deal with this. Especially after everything else you have go on right now. Sending you lots of hugs.......

[MommaLee]

There must be something about step-mothers....dh's step mom has been almost exactly the same way (to some degree). She gasped at the fact that no one was coming to stay with us and take care of the baby when we leave the hospital....because no child has ever survived without the help of grandma!

She keeps offering to spend the night with us and going on about how she is so great with babies and they love her and she should stay with us and I have to keep turning her down...of course, with a smile on my face.

And last week she told me that she decided not to be in the delivery room with me...okay, she was never invited! And I told her that no one was coming in there except for DH.

I think you are just going to have to tell her your plans...with a smile of course, and hope she takes it well. It's been very hard for me because everyone has been so generous...so I'm trying to be as nice as I can about everything. We've always been very private, so I've kind of been referencing back to that as reasons why we are planning on doing things.

HUGS! I wish I had better advice.

[*Mommy2Camden*]

Honesty is always the best way to go. Your family comes 1st (you, your hubby, and your baby) I would put my foot down, but in a "nice manner." If you don't nip it in the butt early, you will continue to have problems. All the best to you!!

[NortheastWifey]

Sorry you're having to deal with this Amanda. I agree - I would just be honest with her but tell her that you will definitely need her help with the time is right. She's not going to want to stay away from her granddaugther anyway. Babies sometimes have a way of changing people's perspectives if they're mad about something silly. She has to learn to respect your boundaries as parents.