I feel like a failure!!

Oreobaby · #1 May 21st, 2010, 09:52 AM

I'm kind of having an off day...an off week actually.

I feel like a failure because even though at the end of next week I'll only be 38 wks 1 day, I really feel like next week needs to be my last week. I so wanted to work till the end, but my feet are so huge, it hurts to put shoes on. Yesterday, as if my body suddenly knew I was full term, I have started to get up every 2 hours in the night to pee. Two nights in a row now I have been up at 12, then 2, then 4 then 6:30 (approximate times) but of course, up for sure three times in the night, (this from my usual one) My whole body has started aching...my legs hurt, my feet hurt, today my back is absolutely killing me. UGH...I am just so disappointed in myself...even though I was only planning on staying one more week, I really wanted to make it to 39 wks.

I'm also feeling pressure to get stuff cleaned up and organized at home. Because I just have no energy (like less than I had in the third trimester) I have not been able to get hardly anything done in the house. We just got her dresser/change table this week, and so DH will be putting it together this weekend, and then the washing starts...all her clothes and things that she will be wearing needs to be washed and put away properly, instead of just sitting in the closet.

DH is also pressuring me to go off...because he knows how tough it has been for me...and how I'm up often in the night, and have difficulties sleeping, and know that I'm stressed out at my work. I'm so stressed out...it's gotten really busy, and yesterday, I didn't even get lunch till 2 pm. I was so hungry, which I know is NOT good.

I also feel pressure from work too...the guy that is taking over for me just is not doing well learning what he needs to learn, and I'm so worried that this place is just going to fall appart when I'm gone. I know that this isn't really my worry, but I will be coming back to this job, and am already dreading what the place is going to be like when I get back.

Sorry, I guess I just needed to vent. I am going to say that next week is going to be my last week...I just have to somehow get it in my mind that I need to for sure do what's best for me and my baby, and that's what's best for us.

CandaceDianne · #2 May 21st, 2010, 10:37 AM

Can you maybe take an extra day off and see how you feel? I realize you want to work until the last minute..but do you have to? I know in Canada they have great leave pay, but maybe it doesn't start until after you go into labor? take it easy as much as you can, girl!

amazing_love · #3 May 21st, 2010, 10:47 AM

Oh honey, you are being way too hard on yourself and are definitely not a failure! You are doing a wonderful job! Being full term can be extremely difficult. Having made it to 41 weeks i know how uncomfortable things can get! I can't imagine having to work while being so pregnant. If you've made it this far then you've done a fabulous job IMO! Don't feel bad for leaving work a little earlier than you had planned.. it sounds like you need it.

Hang in there!

mlyster · #4 May 21st, 2010, 10:57 AM

You are not a failure. I plan on staying until about 12-14 days before my due date but i have already warned my work that i can not guarantee I will make it that far. Hopefully they will take that to heart and bring in my replacement early enough.

No one can say how they are going to react to be full term and at work until they get there. If you are not comfortable being there and you are worried about the impact to you and the baby... then you are making the right decision to be off early!

Lyz · #5 May 21st, 2010, 10:57 AM

aww Marci, I'm so sorry you feel this way!! I remember being 38 weeks and saying to my DH, "there is no way I am going to make 2 more weeks!!" It's absolutely hard to do. As far as cleaning and washing, do you have anyone to help you besides DH? My step mom litereally took all of Bella's clothes and the big bottle of Dreft and washed them at her house, then brought them back and hung them up. A huge lifesaver!!! I too had zero energy as soon as I hit 36 weeks.

If you have to go out sooner, don't feel bad about it. I know it's hard to leave your job when you feel like your coverage is not ready, but you are #1 priority. He wil have to learn while you are out and/or just deal with the mess when you get back. I left TOTALLY unprepared (gotta love going to a routine dr. visit and then delivering that day) but my office survived without me

Try to take it easy as best as you can. I bet you'll have a bit more energy after she gets here than you do now, so some stuff can be left until later. As long as you have a place for her to sleep, eat and have some clean clothes, she will be A-ok

HUGS! hope she'll make her debut soon!!

MommaLee · #6 May 21st, 2010, 11:17 AM

Don't feel bad...and really you don't have to do everything right now. Just wash a handful of stuff and you'll eventually get the rest done.

Etph007 · #7 May 21st, 2010, 11:29 AM

ditto Lyz. I went to a dr visit and got put on bedrest and ended up being out the next 3 months and they survived. They will get through it without you! You have to do what's best for you. Don't feel like a failure! You've made it so far!

fromustobaby · #8 May 21st, 2010, 12:25 PM

Ditto what everyone else said...
I took off of work a week early cause I just couldnt do that last week...and I'm so glad I did cause I finally got to get some sleep and relaxation in before baby came (and you will get none after baby gets here

)
Its not being a failure at all, its being realistic...you have a living growing baby inside of you that takes up a ton of energy - and in the big scheme of things, her health and yours matter so so so SOOOO much work than a job...
can not wait to *meet* her

KDD · #9 May 21st, 2010, 02:55 PM

Marci if all employees were as considerate as you my job would be a lot harder!

If you're not sleeping and you're tired, why not go on leave now? You can still make yourself available by phone or e-mail if there is an urgent question at work. Right now you need to do what's best for you!

KCMomma · #10 May 21st, 2010, 06:36 PM

I just wanted to ditto everyone else. YOu are a strong strong woman for working this long!!! Think about it...NO MAN could ever make it this far!! LOL Hang on girly you are almost there and I can almost guarantee every one of us felt the exact same feelings!!

Oreobaby · #11 May 21st, 2010, 08:01 PM

Thanks girls...I have talked it over with DH and I will be making next week my last week...it's just not good for me to be there, and it's stressful, and tiring. As you said, if they HAVE to get a hold of me, work can via phone or e-mail...but I need to do what is best for me and Rayanne, and that's definitely what is best!! Thanks for helping me feel better about my decision...it's definitely the right one.

MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy · #12 May 21st, 2010, 08:47 PM

I definately agree with the other girls. It is not good for you to be under so much stress and the this is definately a time to relax and rest while you can because you will not have that luxury once Ray comes. I hope you feel better soon and am so glad you and Kelly decided to make next week your last.

jbhonea · #13 May 21st, 2010, 10:30 PM

Don't feel like a failure! Being pregnant and working is hard! I went home at 40 weeks, and then ended up waiting around for 12 days before Lilah made her appearance. I'm glad I did it though, because I was well rested and stress free for labor and delivery.

*Mommy2Camden* · #14 May 21st, 2010, 10:38 PM

Marci, I KNOW how hard these last weeks are. My feet were SO swollen that the only thing I could fit on my feet were ugly slippers. My body ached so much and I was peeing 2 times in 1 sitting. By 41 weeks I could take no more. You will get through these weeks, and your little girl will be here soon. I know it feels like they will drag on forever and your body can't take anymore, but trust me you will conquer it and be holding Rayanne in your arms before you know it! RELAX chica, and try to rest up while you can!!

Jodi0804 · #15 May 22nd, 2010, 07:42 AM

Glad that you decided to make it your last week. I worked up until 39 weeks 4 days, however I had that last week when I went past my due date to relax. Just make sure you do relax when you are off, I ran around like crazy because I was so anxious/ready and should have rested some more! You are almost there, hang in there!

Soape · #16 May 22nd, 2010, 12:30 PM

I'm sorry your having a rough week. THere's absolutely nothing wrong with needing to stop working a couple of weeks before delivery. You never know when she might come. Maybe this is your body's way of saying that she will be here VERY soon. I'm sending big hugs your way hoping that things will turn more positive for you soon.

MommyPoky · #17 May 22nd, 2010, 08:41 PM

I'm glad you decided to rest and relax a week early, it definitely sounds like that'll be best for you!! Lucky for me, I only have two weeks left until I go off track forever, I don't think I would make it to 39 weeks either!!

~* Liss *~ · #18 May 23rd, 2010, 04:40 PM

Marci - I just dropped by quickly and saw this post. You are NO failure sweetie! It's hard - you have to do what's best for you and your body! Take the time that you need!

karenwalter · #19 May 24th, 2010, 12:03 PM

I'm glad you decided to go out next week. The end can be so hard! I can't believe you made it to 38 weeks (I never could have)! So, you should feel proud of making it that far and enjoy the little time off before she is finally here