[jensma]

You guys here are all great about being positive and never slamming other people or being too blunt, and I just wanted to say thanks!! As moms, and moms to be, we all know what its like to receive TONS of unsolicited advice from anyone and everyone who thinks they have an opinion. We're all here to support each other and we're all learning as first time moms. Maybe its my psycho hormones, which have gotten increasingly worse in the last couple weeks, but I am SICK SICK SICK of people who can't keep their mouths shut. Both IRL and online I am constantly bombarded by people who (think they) know better than I or my doctor about my health, my child, my wants and needs...and i'm sick of it. Every pregnant woman gets this and no one wants to hear it, so why are people still giving it out?!! Like I said this is in no way directed toward ANY of you...this is a different issue. Between my baby shower and news of induction people just can't wait to lecture me...whether its about what i should or should not be registered for, how much stuff i have already purchased, my nursery decor (YEAH, seriously) and of course, how awful I am for even considering induction. Think whatever you'd like...but I registered for what i want and what i think I need, and yes I am registered for bottles and nipples b/c i'm gonna be realistic and realize that I may NOT EBF until my child is big enough for a sippy cup. In fact, who knows if i'll be able to or he'll want to and i'm not gonna be caught without those things should one of those events occur. I have bought what i want for a reason, and i shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone, who cares if a pack n play is not on my registry for you to purchase...there are 200 other items you may choose from if you so desire. My nursery decor (oh yes)...well my nursery is being set up for MY child, it is in MY house and I wanted it DONE before my shower that is at MY house b/c people might want to SEE it...imagine that. OH and as for the induction...my doctor went to medical school, has spent years delivering babies and has only mine and Tyler's safety and health in mind...she doesn't want to induce me b/c i asked to (yes people have accused me of asking for an induction b/c i'm so eager to meet him...well I am but not THAT eager) or because she wants him to come out or for any other reason other than that she believes it is medically necessary as far as she is concerned. I'm sure if my body is not ready for an induction at that time we'll assess things then...but until then BACK off creepers.

End of the pregnant lady's crazy rant.

Please tell me I'm not the only one being completely bombarded with people who seem to have a negative opinion on EVERYTHING... I'm not even really mad...i'm just like GEEZE people, when can I catch a break or is everything i'm doing wrong?!

[KDD]

Rant away my dear, it certainly sounds like you need to vent! So far I haven't been subjected to too much unwanted advice, but then I don't really share a lot with others about my pregnancy. At work I'm pretty much like I always was - focused on work. And I haven't seen a lot of my friends in a long time (they all have kids and are busy and it's hard to find time to get together). But I know that I will hear a lot of it.

FWIW - I love your nursery decor.

[Sam914]

Obviously i'm not preggo anymore... but if this was posted on facebooke i'de "like" it

[amonstersmomma]

DITTO to everything you said The one that annoys me the most is people getting upset that we bought things for our own child! The nerve of us, right? I thank god every day that I've been here.... miles & miles away in Alaska..... for the entire pregnancy and soon to be birth. Out of sight out of mind

[LoLo'sMama]

Amen sister. I am going to just stop giving out any information whatsoever to EVERYONE! Even your friends can turn on you!!! Hello??? You'd think they'd remember during their own pregnancy when they *****ed to me the whole time about annoying people!!

[MommaLee]

Oh, I hear you loud and clear! Could you call my mom??? She doesn't get the message because "Grandma's have to give advice" ::roll eyes here::

For me, I think it has gotten worse since having the baby. I could go on forever but I think it would crash the JM site!

[jensma]

I just want to yell at people IRL and be like, if you haven't had a kid, you really do NOT get to tell me what mine needs!!!! Thanks for listening girls, i knew you'd understand.

[Lex&angels]

Originally Posted by jensma

I just want to yell at people IRL and be like, if you haven't had a kid, you really do NOT get to tell me what mine needs!!!! Thanks for listening girls, i knew you'd understand.

That's what I call hitten' 'em where it hurts!

Seriously though I am NOT looking forward to being put in a position to have to justify EVERYTHING to people.
Your medical choices are between YOU and your DR and it BAFFLES me how anyone could care at all if you're being induced, having a c/s or WHATEVER else you might wanna do. As long as you have a competant Dr or Midwife there is NO reason to worry, your birth plan is right for YOU!
People amaze me and I'm NOT looking forward to any of that.

As for decoration.... the NERVE of people!

And buying bottles makes perfect sense, even if you want to BF, sometimes it's just a good idea to have them around rather than have to rush to the store if it's not working out!

[LuvsPecanPie]

I think this is one of the reasons I'm avoiding telling people! Maybe I'll pull an Alison from Knocked Up and not tell anyone until 8 months

[*Mommy2Camden*]

I was SOOO over it by 8-9 months pregnant, that I didn't even want to answer my phone sometimes. Between the CONSTANT griping of "when's that kid coming out....or "he's not here, yet? Pop him out already." Or "advice" on how I better get sleep now, because I'll need it later. GRRRR......I hate to say it but, it never really stops. Once your baby is born, people continue to think they have the best advice for you and your child. My latest one was being lectured about having to give Camden antibiotics for the 1st time. I won't even get into it, but I was pretty heated after the discussion. People should parent the way they want to parent, and let you do the same!!!

[JessMitch]

I haven't really dealt with this too much yet thankfully but I can def see how it would make you want to wring some necks!! although i will say that sometimes my friends whose due a week ahead of me makes me seem like a bad preggo. She is being overly concerned about not eating meat unless its brown brown brown and other little things. Yet i sit there eating a hot dog once in awhile and she's all like, "you're eating hot dogs?" Just worry about your own pregnancy and get off mine!!!!!!!!

[jensma]

It really is amazing how people can just make you feel totally incompetent. At least when its my mom I can just tell her to hush!!

[KDD]

I hate to say it ladies, but my friend said that the advice only gets worse after the baby is born. She has 3 boys (3 & under) and is constantly getting comments and advice from complete strangers. Some of the stories she tells me make me want to lay the smack down on those people.

[JustLiz]

I'm sorry people are being a pain. Everyone thinks they are a childrearing expert and that they have a right to tell you how to do it. I went to a La Leche meeting today, and one of the women said, "Just smile, say 'that's an interesting idea,' and then completely ignore them." I don't think people will stop giving you unwanted advice. Just know that you are the one that gets to make all the decisions about your child in the end anyway, so it really doesn't matter what they think. Ha ha...for the person that criticized your nursery decor, you should've said, "oh, well I'm not that crazy about that outfit you're wearing either. I guess we just have different tastes."

[karenwalter]

Originally Posted by JustLiz

I'm sorry people are being a pain. Everyone thinks they are a childrearing expert and that they have a right to tell you how to do it. I went to a La Leche meeting today, and one of the women said, "Just smile, say 'that's an interesting idea,' and then completely ignore them." I don't think people will stop giving you unwanted advice. Just know that you are the one that gets to make all the decisions about your child in the end anyway, so it really doesn't matter what they think. Ha ha...for the person that criticized your nursery decor, you should've said, "oh, well I'm not that crazy about that outfit you're wearing either. I guess we just have different tastes."

Love that!! It's totally true. It's your nursery so why do they think they get a say in how you decorate it?

Seriously! I don't know why people feel the need to say every little thing that pops into their head. I would never critisize someone for having an induction, not breastfeeding, buying things, or whatever. Whether or not I agree with them, it's ultimately their choice and I'm sure they have considered what's best for them and their baby. Sometimes people just need to keep their mouth shut!

And, yeah, it does get worse. People actually told me I should quite breastfeeding because Connor was "Obviously allergic" to my milk. This is after I just finished telling them that my pediatrician and his GI specialist told me it would be better for me to keep breastfeeding. Yeah, like I'm going to listen to YOU over people that hold medical degrees.

Good luck!

[pthree]

It doesn't stop once the baby comes, either. Now that Avery is here, I still get lots of unsolicited advice. I don't mind the "One product I like is..." type of advice, in fact those types of things can be helpful, but other than that, I'm sick of it. MIL keeps telling me how she will never give unsolicited advice, but then she does, just passive aggressively. Which is almost worse.

For example, today she came over and was holding Avery and said "Wow, she's really warm, don't you think?" I replied that she wasn't any warmer than usual. She paused for a minute and then said, "Where do you usually take her temperature at? Arm, orally, rectally?" implying to me that I needed to take her temperature because MIL thought she had a fever. I just responded, "We haven't had to take it yet." and left it at that, even though I know she was expecting me to go get the thermometer. I know my baby's temperature and she felt fine to me.

Then DH comes upstairs and she repeated the fact that she felt really warm to him. Because obviously I am so cruel that I don't care that my baby has a raging fever, so she needed to try to get DH on board. Luckily DH just said "She's always hot."

Then I had commented on how she'd been cranky today (she just wanted to be constantly held, and would cry if we'd put her down - she's pretty much always like this, DH just mentioned it in conversation). DH was downstairs playing acoustic guitar and she said to me "Maybe that music is making her cranky." Actually, no, when he started playing the guitar she stopped crying.

Wow, didn't mean to threadjack, I guess I just needed to vent too haha. Sorry!!

[jensma]

To be fair she wasn't criticizing my room, in fact she loves it, she just doesn't think I should be decorating it...apparently i should wait for other people to do that for me (buy stuff for his room)...so when she made a comment about nothing being left to do in there, i said, yeah that was the idea. Its nice if you want to get something but give me a heads up b/c people do have different tastes and it is MY house again...I'm the one who has to live here and look at the decor.

hahaaa vent away Paula! My MIL is going to have to stay FAR away from Tyler...

Liz, you're a brave woman for going to a La leche meeting...YIKES, that just feels scary!

[MommyBeth]

Can I vent away to? LOL! Here's my kicker from SMIL she's tried telling me how to mind our business. That Dh should get a job, umm...this semester I need him to be home certain days once munchkin gets here. Then in Jan. when I'm practice teaching I need him home to watch munchkin, so she's in daycare as little as possible. Daycare is just to expensive, my mom even said that!! And the decisions about my husband working is between me, Dh and my parents. She's also told me that WIC doesn't provide enough formula for a month, and that even with all the help we are getting from my parents it won't be enough money. Lady I told you last time I was planning to BF and umm the point of WIC is to provide enough formula etc.

This doesn't even begin to cover the range of topics and stuff she's stuck her nose in my business on!

Everyone else is just more excited for munchkin to get here. I've only run into a few people who have "advice" for me, and some of it I've appreciated. Others are like if you have any questions about brands etc. you can ask me.

[Gray_baby]

I agree with Liz's advice, just smile and then move on. I didn't have to deal with too much advice but it was definitely annoying when it did happen. And it definitely continues after you have your baby, for me it's happened more since I had my DD. I'm a firm believer that we all have different parenting styles, no one is wrong, it's personal preference (well, unless you're abusing/neglecting your kid, then that's wrong). If I want to BF past a year that's no one's business but mine! Or whatever else they want to say.

Try not to let it bother you, I think a lot of people honestly think they are "helping" or are just trying make conversation.

[samspain]

Its a universal thing. Everything I do with DD is diferent than my SILs, my MIL thinks theres only one way to do things and theirs is the right way!. I live in Spain but am English and she just asks "Is that how they do it in YOUR country?" as if I come from some long lost remote jungle tribe! But this is on everything, that I do. EBF, keep her rear facing, let her cry a little as she settles to sleep etc.

Luckily this time my SIL is due 3 weeks before me and lives in the same city as the MIL, so I am an afterthought.

When people give me advice I just say "well, its always nice to have an alternative idea" or something similar and change the subject.