Am I a bad friend?

Oreobaby · #1 October 8th, 2010, 08:10 AM

I have a friend who just started TTC this month...and she worked out her ovulation date to be the 3rd of October (not by temping, but just by looking on line and seeing what it says there, and she says that her cycle is always the same, and so she knows for sure that that is her ovulation day)

Anyway, since Sunday she has been texting me like every day saying...Marci I think I'm pregnant, my cat is being weird and licking my tummy and he never does that, and I'm so tired, and then last nigt she had insomnia. Anyway, so she took a test this morning, because she has been feeling so weird, and not like herself. and it was negative (of course, it's only been 5 days since she ovulated) ANYWAY, the thing is I am trying to be encouraging, and I am trying to be excited for her that she could possibly be pregnant, but I just can't. There are so many people on here that struggle so much to get pregnant, and although I know it is possible to get pregnant on your first try although very rare, I just want to say look...the chances of you being pregnant are slim, and the chances of you having actual symptoms the day after you ovulated, is also very rare (if not impossible) But I don't...and if it does turn out that she isn't pregnant, I will be there for her, for sure! And if she does turn out to be pregnant, I do want to be excited for her, and I hope that I can. So does it make me a bad friend? My heart aches for so many ladies here that have struggled for years...myself included even though, I do now have my baby girl.

downunderchick · #2 October 8th, 2010, 08:20 AM

youre not a bad friend at all. Just being there for her or a listening ear when she needs it will be great.

MommaLee · #3 October 8th, 2010, 08:25 AM

Be encouraging and be happy for her. I know some of us had struggles - but I'm so thankful for what I have and my wish is that everyone who wants to should be able to experience what I did whether they have trouble or not. Although I can't remember, I'm sure I was super excited the first few months trying. Your not a bad friend at all, you are someone that had a very different experience and you have a different perspective because of it. I think if every woman had to experience what some of us went through, there would be alot more women that are realistic and crass about TTC.

xanada101 · #4 October 8th, 2010, 08:48 AM

Not at all. I agree that a listening ear and being encouraging are the best things. As a friend I would also give her some honest feedback. I would just gently remind her that if she starts stressing about it now, just starting out, that it will just increase her stress levels even more IF it doesn't happen right away. Right now she just needs to have fun and enjoy it.

I will say that I had pg symptoms VERY VERY early after O'ing with this pg. However, I knew they were the right symptoms because I had been pg before.
I think I am a bad person sometimes because I wish people couldn't get pg right away. Don't get me wrong, I would not want anyone to struggle with infertility. It kinda pisses me off sometimes when the get pg right away though. LOL Probably cause I struggled for so long and I see others struggle to concieve. I just want everyone to have just a tiny taste of what it feels like to be disappointed. Now THAT is worse I thinking than what you are thinking LOL (I think) lmao

courtneytcu98 · #5 October 8th, 2010, 09:04 AM

I dont' think you are a bad friend at all--it can just be hard to stifle the knowledge you have.

Maybe if she gets a BFN then you can talk to her about the fact that it takes on average 6 months for a completely normal couple to conceive. Good luck Marci.

SassyMama · #6 October 8th, 2010, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by courtneytcu98

I dont' think you are a bad friend at all--it can just be hard to stifle the knowledge you have.

Maybe if she gets a BFN then you can talk to her about the fact that it takes on average 6 months for a completely normal couple to conceive. Good luck Marci.

I'll admit it - I got PG in my first cycle of TTC. I was temping and I had perfectly regular cycles. I think when it's the first time going at it, you don't realize that it can take awhile. Just be there for her. If she gets a BFP, hey, great. If not and she wonders what went wrong, you can be there to give advice and information.

fromustobaby · #7 October 8th, 2010, 10:33 AM

I was like that my first cycle trying...and my second...and my third...LOL...I think everyone is...what the other girls said was good advice...just be there for her either way...

I think looking back, the struggle that it was to get pregnant was good for me in the long run, and I'm grateful for it...and all you wonderful ladies who were there through it all with me

KDD · #8 October 8th, 2010, 02:05 PM

I definitely don't think you're a bad friend. Anyone who's experienced a loss and/or infertility or even those who have taken several tries to get pg have an entirely different viewpoint on TTC. I know that I would love to impart all of my fertility wisdom on my friends, but most don't need it. I would wait and be supportive when/if she gets a BFN this cycle (as she may need a shoulder to cry on), then you can tell her about FF or something.

*MJ* · #9 October 8th, 2010, 05:51 PM

yes. yes you are.

Actually you know what a bad friend would do? They would play along with it and call her all the time asking about her new symptoms, and start patting her belly and talking to the "baby", and getting her hopes way WAY high so she can have an emotional collapse if/when she then finds out she isn't pregnant. So I would say you are a pretty good friend.

JustLiz · #10 October 8th, 2010, 06:04 PM

ha ha...this just reminded me of my first cycle TTC. I was SURE I was pregnant. Of course she's excited. I think you are doing just the right thing. There's no sense in trying to pretend to be excited when you know it might very well be a while before she is actually pregnant. Either way, you are being supportive by listening.

DeepSouthMommy · #11 October 8th, 2010, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustLiz

ha ha...this just reminded me of my first cycle TTC. I was SURE I was pregnant. Of course she's excited. I think you are doing just the right thing. There's no sense in trying to pretend to be excited when you know it might very well be a while before she is actually pregnant. Either way, you are being supportive by listening.

Ok, piping in because I'm still TTC my first. We've been trying for a year and a half now and I STILL think I'm pregnant every cycle! Yes, I know, I'm crazy for still being this way...but my point is that no matter where you are in the TTC line, there is a certain level of excitement and curiosity and I think it's perfectly natural to feel envious of those who get pg easily and/or quickly. It's also perfectly natural to feel envious for others who you care about and see still struggling to get what comes so easily to some...ESPECIALLY when you yourself know that pain all too well.

My advice is to just support her, be happy for her and share with her any advice you can when she asks (like when she asks about your early pregnancy symptoms to compare them). We all want to see you happy and if that means you being happy for a friend who gets pg on her first try, then we are happy for her too.

Oreobaby · #12 October 9th, 2010, 10:06 PM

Thanks Ladies...I am going to take your advise, and if she needs my help, or input, then I will help her.

I really do hope she doesn't have to struggle because it is hard, but I, like Tonya wouldn't change my struggles I don't think. It brought me close to an amazing bunch of ladies (yes, this is all of you!!) and I think I appreciate the little things with Rayanne more now that I have her.

I have no way of knowing if I would be the same type of mother if I hadn't stuggled and experience a loss, but I have to believe that it helped make me the mother that I am.

daisey609 · #13 October 10th, 2010, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oreobaby

ANYWAY, the thing is I am trying to be encouraging, and I am trying to be excited for her that she could possibly be pregnant, but I just can't. There are so many people on here that struggle so much to get pregnant, and although I know it is possible to get pregnant on your first try although very rare, I just want to say look...the chances of you being pregnant are slim, and the chances of you having actual symptoms the day after you ovulated, is also very rare (if not impossible) But I don't...and if it does turn out that she isn't pregnant, I will be there for her, for sure! And if she does turn out to be pregnant, I do want to be excited for her, and I hope that I can. So does it make me a bad friend? My heart aches for so many ladies here that have struggled for years...myself included even though, I do now have my baby girl.

I'd say.. given all the thought you are obviously putting into this about how to guide her and how to approach the subject you are an AMAZING friend!! To be so understanding of her excitement (premature though it may be) and yet to be worried about how hard she may fall as a result of this to me is just a sign that you care that much. We should all have friends like this... someone who wants to be there for the good and bad, to help us celebrate and to catch us just in case we falter.

MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy · #14 October 11th, 2010, 09:05 AM

Marci, it sounds like you are a wonderful friend. I think when someone struggled like we did it's hard not to have some bitter feelings toward ttc and that we are a little more realistic. Like you and Tonya I wouldn't change a think because it brought me closer to you ladies and I appreciate every moment with Marina so much more. I hope your friend doesn't have to struggle to get pg and it's so great that she does have a friend who knows the ins and outs of ttc. You are going to be such a great support for her if things don't happen as quickly as she likes.