[bliss]

Since I lost my son. I broke down yesterday with so much pain for him, it took my breath away. I was scared to sleep, irrationally expecting my current pregnancy not to last till the morning. I'm so scared of this day. Can't believe I'm so traumatized a year after it happened. I keep on wondering if he was still alive the moment he was born... Or was he born still? They didn't let me see him until after they washed him and wrapped him and then brought him back. I'll never forget what it felt like to hold his small warm body. My first words were "he's so cute" and then "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I'm so sorry to this day.

Thanks for letting me get this out.

[LoLo'sMama]

I don't even know what to say except that my heart hurts with you. I just joined JM when you went through this nightmare and I remember it so well. You are a strong woman and I am so glad that you have this little fighter bean growing stronger and bigger each day. T and P are with you!

Lots of love and hugs to you!

Not to thread jack, but I wanted to share a story with you so you know you're not alone in your fears. I will say though, that I'm a very intuitive person, and usually if I feel like something bad is going to happen, it does.....

On May 13th 2007 (Mother's Day) I found out that I was pregnant (with my twins) This of course became a cherished memory of mine. When I lost my twins, I began to resent May 13th because it was a day that held so many hopes and dreams for my future, and all of that had been lost the day I buried Asher and Noah.

Fast forward to May 2010....May 12th DH and I went to dinner with the IL's....we had a wonderful night. Evan was kicking and squirming all around and my MIL got to feel him moving. It was awesome....so we get in the car to leave the ILs house and I BREAK DOWN sobbing.....DH is like, "what's wrong?" and I respond, "I just feel like tomorrow is going to be a bad day...I hate May 13th"....

Wouldn't you know that I woke up the next morning (May 13th) and I was bleeding? I went to the hossy and was told I would lose my son.

So here I am, pregnant again, and due in June.....well now I'm TERRIFIED of being pregnant on May 13th again because I don't want something terrible to happen. Of course these are totally irrational fears, and my life just has a way of being freakishly coincidental, but nevertheless, I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from and I pray that on Malakai's First Birthday, you are able to celebrate his life (albeit too short) and your fighter bean's little life as well. You deserve this happiness Bliss

I pray that this day passes quickly for you and that tomorrow you can wake up with the "uneasiness" of this day behind you

[Lyz]

Although I didn't make it as far along as you with Bella's twin sibling, I understand that feeling of overwhelming sorrow. I'm sorry

[fromustobaby]

[Sota]

I am so sorry Bliss. I can't imagine how hard it is on the anniversary of when you said good-bye to Malakai . My T&Ps are with you today.

[Mrs.Paradise]

HUGE SUPER DUPER FREAKING BIG FAT GIANT MONSTER HOOKER FANGBANGER Im soooooooooooooooo sorry Bliss... you and your babies will be in my T&P's today...

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

[JustLiz]

Thinking about you....hope you are hanging in there

[hearts.0nfire]

[bliss]

Thank you, your words mean a lot to me.

[MommyPoky]

I'm sorry, I can't even imagine how you feel

[karenwalter]

I;m so sorry.

[Pebblesbuddy]

Hey I didn't get a chance to respond to this but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I hope today you are feeling better

[Mrs.Paradise]

Ive been thinking about you all day too... I hope you are feeling a little bit better... HUGE SUPER DUPER FREAKING BIG FAT GIANT MONSTER HOOKER FANGBANGER

[~* Liss *~]

[CandaceDianne]

[ca_dawson]

I hope you made it through the day. I know it was a tough one. Always thinking about you and praying for you.