[Cheryl_W]

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as I run into expecting people out in the world, and I thought I'd start a list - with the help of you ladies, of course!

I think we should start a list of all the lessons we've learned as new mommies to share with TTC ladies and new grads. There are a few things I wish someone had told me before Izzy was born, and I'm sure you ladies feel the same, so lets build up a list! Maybe if it gets big enough we can ask Jackie to make it a sticky

So I guess I'll start...

1. Everyone says it, but really - TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES.
2. Try to keep up on the baby book, because if you don't, you'll really miss it...
3. Babies are not as fragile as you think. Don't be reckless, but don't be afraid to hold them or play with them, either!
4. Calm down, breathe, and relax. It gets easier. Yes, it really does.
5. When someone tells you that one day, you'll be nursing while answering the door in your pre-pregnancy jeans and be totally comfortable, even though you want to laugh in their face and run screaming away - they're not kidding. It does happen.
6. Right now, 6 months old will feel like FOREVER away. 6 months from now, you'll wonder how half a year can pass in a blink. Savor every moment.
7. Smiles are more important than dishes, laundry, phone calls, or any other supposedly "pressing" matter. Everything else can wait, just make sure you take the time to enjoy baby while they're still young! (I learned this one the hard way, I feel like I missed a lot doing housework and things when I could have just been hanging out with baby... )
8. The best piece of advice I can offer is about advice - take what you can use, and smile and nod to the rest - before promptly forgetting about it. People will tell you some stupid, stupid things - like "Don't let baby stand up, they'll get bow-legged!" or "Don't tickle her feet, she'll have a stutter!" (Not making those up, either!) - just breathe, smile, nod, and forget about it. You'll laugh about it all some day!

What else do you have to add, ladies?

[MommaLee]

The medicine droppers tend to shoot out and not drip out slowly even if you just try to get a little to come out. We tried those natural remedy drops for hiccups & such and I pressed the dropper thinking it would slowly come out - shot in the back of her mouth, she gagged, and threw up. Lesson learned

[Lyz]

start a bedtime routine early. It will pay off when they are older and know what to expect at the end of the day.

don't try to compare your baby's milestones to the rest of your PR. Every baby is different will do it at their own pace (90% of my PR is walking and Bella isn't....she's one of the older babies too and I don't care )

It's okay to be that over protective mom in the beginning. If you don't want a ton of people holding your baby, then don't! It's okay to hold your LO and have people look at him/her. (I'm a germaphob haha)

[JustLiz]

Thanks! This is a great idea. LOL #8 Cheryl.

[LoLo'sMama]

Here is my question...

How do you respond to a pushy person wanting to hold your baby when you DO NOT want them to?

We have some really strange neighbors, who are usually drunk, that continue to comment about wanting to babysit for us (when hell freezes over and over my dead body respectively). They are actually very nice people and are really excited for us, bought us tons of stuff for the baby (including a dream catcher to hang over her crib, no offense to anyone who has one, it's just not for us) but I do not trust them whatsoever, and don't want them holding my baby. Ever.

So that is a concern for me as we start to bring her out to events in public. People who have no tact and try to take her from my arms or something....what do you do in this situation??

[Sam914]

Of course what works for each person varies, and if you are EBF (and not pumping at all) this doesnt exactly work but i am extremely greatful we took turns with the nightly feedings! Dh would stay up until mid night, i did 3 am, then he did 6am. That got me 5-6 hours of sleep depending on when i went to bed! While i understand sharing responsibility and all that it just doesnt make sense to me for both parents to get up and be exhausted throughout the day.


Most importantly though, remember... things probably wont happen how you want and you can't be too stressed about it. I certainly didnt expect a 25 week NICU baby but it happened, we were flexible and i lived through it. Had i had a concrete birth plan and such that i was very into sticking too i would have been even more upset with the situation then i needed to be. This can apply to anything, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, being a working mom or stay at home mom, co sleeping... whatever. Be flexible and find what works for YOUR family. You don't have to do what everyone says is "right". If formula feeding and letting your LO sleep in their swing all night is what you need, do it!

[jensma]

ALWAYS have the other diaper read (and under) the other diaper. I have now been pooped on several times. This seems to be more impt for moms of boys than girls b/c you WILL get peed at.

Also, don't go crazy with clothes. LOL, you all know me. I LOVE shopping and clothes, but Tyler has SO MUCH stuff that was given to him and whatever when he was first born that there are many things he wore once or not at all. Now i HAVE to have another baby just to wear this stuff!!

Also baby socks do not stay on, so footie PJs are a lifesaver.

[pthree]

1. When changing diapers, put a clean one under the dirty one before removing it. I learned this after several weeks and dozens of pee/poop soaked clothes. It got to the point where I thought Avery was peeing/pooping on purpose after we moved the dirty diaper! Finally I realized, duh, put a clean one down first.

2. You are not a bad mommy for thinking it would be nice to, oh I don't know, just go put baby outside and run away. (ie, it's not all sunshine and roses)

3. The car seat snaps into the front of most shopping carts. I was very confused about where to put a baby while grocery shopping until I saw another mom doing this.

4. Put some spare diapers/wipes in your car. I often find myself without a diaper bag, oops!

5. I agree with Cheryl, take lots of pics, and video if possible. I was looking at Avery a couple of weeks ago and thinking she looked the same as she had when she was a baby. A couple of days later I found a video on my hard drive I'd recorded with my camera when she was 2 weeks old - WOAH she looks like a totally different baby! We don't always recognize these changes since we see them every day.

6. You are not a bad mommy for putting your child in day care. After the baby came, I just KNEW I wouldn't be able to go back to work. The mere thought of it sent me into a sobbing fit. So I decided to quit - but due to forces beyond my control, I had to return to work after all. I felt like I was going to DIE dropping her off that day. My husband and I sat in the parking lot crying afterward. However, day care did something we had not been able to do - got her into a routine! She had to stop cluster nursing and got herself into a much more normal eating routine. On top of that, I really feel like she loves daycare. She smiles at her teachers when she sees them, and has so much fun interacting with other babies - even already at her young age of 4 months! While I'd love to be home with her, I feel like day care has benefited her a LOT. And while I'm being honest, for me it was kind of nice to get back to having adult interaction.

6. It's ok to put the baby down to pee/bathe/stir dinner/etc. I do not let my baby cry it out, but I know that in these cases it's not going to harm her for being out of my arms for a minute, even if she screams about it. I used to feel really really guilty about this because I can't stand to see her cry. Once I even peed while holding her. TMI? Sorry.

7. A plain white onesie works as well to clothe a baby as that fancy schmancy outfit. Although I had a summer baby, so now I'd also say plain sweatpants work as well, too. MIL insisted upon dressing her up in these complicated outfits whenever she was over. Trust me, it's going to get covered in poop or pee at some point (even when using the clean-under-dirty diaper trick), and it's much easier to change a baby out of pants and a onesie than some fancy dress or to-the-nines outfit.

I'm sure I have many more, those are just the ones that came to mind. It took me over an hour to get those out, because I had to stop and be a mom while typing it! Haha

Originally Posted by FLgirl

Here is my question...

How do you respond to a pushy person wanting to hold your baby when you DO NOT want them to?

We have some really strange neighbors, who are usually drunk, that continue to comment about wanting to babysit for us (when hell freezes over and over my dead body respectively). They are actually very nice people and are really excited for us, bought us tons of stuff for the baby (including a dream catcher to hang over her crib, no offense to anyone who has one, it's just not for us) but I do not trust them whatsoever, and don't want them holding my baby. Ever.

So that is a concern for me as we start to bring her out to events in public. People who have no tact and try to take her from my arms or something....what do you do in this situation??

I lie. I hate offending people, so I'll usually say something like "Oh, she's just getting over being sick, I'd rather not pass her around!" or for the babysitting thing, I'll let them know that MIL does that for us, or that we just never go anywhere to need a sitter.

Although MIL takes her from me all of the time without asking and I never know what to say to her...


ETA: I see Kate posted a couple of these while I was typing! I swear I wasn't trying to copy

[Sam914]

I dont want to nit pick but you arent supposed to put the carseats on the shopping carts! Most of them say not too bec/ the cart can tip. Of course i've done it anyway... but ONLY if i'm never letting go of the cart

And i also totally agree with the clothing tips - we have WAY too many as well

[pthree]

Originally Posted by Sam914

I dont want to nit pick but you arent supposed to put the carseats on the shopping carts! Most of them say not too bec/ the cart can tip. Of course i've done it anyway... but ONLY if i'm never letting go of the cart

And i also totally agree with the clothing tips - we have WAY too many as well

Whoops! I did not know that. Thanks! Well then where in the heck do you put a baby at the store!?

[Sam914]

Dude i have no idea! Lol... When he was littler if i was just going to get a few things i'll put the carrier in the back of the cart... the big part and piled the things around him. If i was going full scale grocery shopping i would either a) make dh go and we could get two cards, b) make dh go and i pushed him in the stroller while he pushed the cart or c) left him home with dh. A lot of people in my PR wear their babies in the store.

Our world just got a whole lot easier because he's able to sit in the cart now

[MommaLee]

You are suppose to put them in the basket portion...there is a great article somewhere that has pictures but I can't find it however if you google "baby carrier in grocery cart" you'll get a slew of info.

[downunderchick]

'Read your baby, not the book' A quote I read from a blog once and its very very true.

Every single child is different, I think too many people worry that their child isnt doing what the books say they'' should'' be, sleeping for x amount of hours, eating x amount of food, rolling/crawling/walking at x months.

your child is an individual and is like no other child. They didn't read the books in utero so dont feel like youre doing something wrong if they dont follow what the books say. Go with your mummy instincts. The books are a guide and simply just advice. Take it or leave it, the same as any advice from anyone else. YOU are the parent and YOU know your child better than any other book/parent/friend/doctor.

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

1. Definately establish a bedtime routine early. We didn't and I'm so paying for it now!

2. Every baby is different. What works for one baby will not necessarily work for your baby. (You will get a ton of baby advice and some things will work but many won't.)

3. Definately invest in some liners for the changing table. Marina is pretty squirly and even putting another diaper under her dirty one doesn't always help.

4. When it comes to solids, don't stress if they won't eat them. Solids are just for fun before they're a year old.

5. Definately keep up with your baby book. I have done a poor job and the things I thought I would remember, I don't.

And lastly, always trust your gut instinct! If something doesn't seem right it probably isn't!

[jensma]

lol. paula gmta!!

i also didn't know about the car seat. thx ladies

[KCMomma]

Here is a list I compiled from many of you actually that I gave to a friend for her baby shower:

Plan to do NOTHING the first 6 weeks!

Enjoy the night time feedings even though they may seem tedious, you will miss them later in life. It is the only time that your baby is all yours!!!

USE the nursery in the hospital, do NOT let yourself feel guilty when you get home it’s ALL on you

USE the nurse-call button, the nurses will be more than willing to assist you with whatever you need. You will miss this button when you go home!

It's OK to cry when your baby does, or to even cry because your baby is wide awake and has been all night and it's 7AM!

Start a routine as soon as you can, it will be tough at first but it will pay off in the long run.

Don't take everyone's advice, just smile and nod to those who give you advice but you don't need/want-even if it is your mom.

Go with your gut and instincts, they are usually right.

Call your pediatrician ANYTIME you need to, day or night, that's what they are there for!!


Don't feel guilty if people want to watch the baby but you aren't ready. People will push you and push you to watch him/her, just tell them when you are ready you will let them know.

It's ok to say NO. When people want to visit and it's a bad day, or you’re tired. It's ok to say not now, not today. I didn't say that enough during the first few weeks, and I was so tired. I even fell asleep pumping one day sitting in a chair in the middle of the day.

Take help when you can. If people offer to help you with house work, or cooking or whatever...TAKE IT. The first few weeks are the hardest
Use the lactation consultants in the hospital...they are VERY helpful!

Let someone else cook meals, clean the house,etc. for the first few weeks.
Snuggle with your baby as much as possible in the beginning...I miss those days

Get a routine with your husband from the beginning as to who is doing what shift. It'll save you from those 3am fights

Say NO to visitors if it's been a rough day. You need your rest too! It's okay not to be supermom!

Sleep when baby sleeps!


Don't worry if you have a mountain of dishes in the sink or piles of laundry to do - you're not a superhero, you're a new mom.

Trust your gut!

There is no wrong way to be a mom (excluding the obvious cases) so just experiment with different methods of doing things and see what works out best for you!

Be FLEXIBLE and ready for things to deviate from the plan you may have had. Don't let yourself get bent out of shape, just roll with it.

No matter how much you think you're prepared, nothing can prepare you until you've lived it.

Accept all the help you're offered. Don't feel like you have to do everything.

Become the queen of the power nap. You'd be surprised how much better you feel.

Take care of you. Shower, make up, whatever makes you feel good, do it. It only takes a few minutes to make yourself feel 100% better.

Take a date night asap and don't lose sight of your husband and his experiences. He's going through a huge transformation too. Although he might not show it or evolve the way you think he should or want him to, be patient.


Remind yourself- THIS TOO shall pass. It's gone in the blink of an eye. The newborn exhaustion doesn't last forever. You will adjust. Be patient with yourself.

Don't be too hard on yourself or your body. Your body just performed a miracle. You'll be surprised how fast you will bounce back. Again, patience
Just remember EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT and EVERY PARENT IS DIFFERENT, just because something worked well for others does not mean that it will work the same way for you and your child!! Some examples: 1. formula or breastfeeding, 2. disposable diapers or cloth diapers, 3. swaddling or not swaddling, 4. co-sleeping or not.......and many many more!! There are so many ways to parent your child, the bottom line is that as long as your child is well taken care of, you must parent the way it works best for you, your husband and your child!!
Be thankful for your husband’s help. Don't get upset if he doesn't do it the way you want him to.

The vacuum cleaner is magic when your baby is screaming and won't sleep. Use it!

It's okay to put the baby down and walk away for a minute or two.

Put your baby down for naps at the first sign of yawns. Do NOT wait until they are fussy. That is where we went wrong and it was a hell to pay lesson!

My advice is never think you have your baby figured out. Once you think you know what they need/want they change it up on you...and it is OK! It is OK to not know what they want and try different things until you figure it out. Also, my baby slept in her swing until she was 5 months old...do what works for you!

Leave baby with hubby to go to the grocery store or a car ride... You will be amazed at what how much it seems like paradise. Even if it's only for 30 minutes. It allows to recharge your batteries...

It's ok NOT to pick your baby up.

You will feel re-energized and refreshed after taking a quick shower. You can even bring the baby in a carrier into the bathroom with you if you need to.
If you start to have weird thoughts.... call your DR. You are normal, you will be ok, but it's important to be checked for post-partum depression. It doesn't necessarily present itself like typical depression. DO NOT BE AFRAID OR ASHAMED OF THIS!!! Get help!! Tell someone! It will completely change things.

[jensma]

OMG gwen is so right about the vacuum!! It is true.

Don't be afraid to try things you said you wouldn't.

Try not to get too pissed at DH if he's not as helpful as you think he should be. At least my house, I am the sole caretaker 90% of the time. And there are times when i have to TELL B to get Tyler. I guess its not as instinctive for them. I was recently reading a parent magazine and they said "tell dad what to do, he wants to help, he just doesn't know how" and i think that is so true. Some dads are better than others, but esp for first time moms, they're more clueless than we are!! So just try and be patient. Easier said than done, i know. But if you find yourself in the position i've been in just take a deep breath. B was a rockstar at the hospital and we got home and its like ok, well back to his normal routine... but its not...its a whole new "normal"

[KCMomma]

Yeah, about the vacuum, we still have the CD where we downloaded an hour long vaccum playing and we still play it at all naptimes!!!! Helps drown out the other noise!!!

As far as DH's helping, I guess I'm learning that I'm truly lucky. DH is absolutely awesome with helping and has been from the beginning. I would say don't let them thing you are the sole caretaker...MAKE them help you. You certaintly didn't make the baby on your own!!! I just hate when I see women doing all the work. It's definitely 50/50 in our household!!! Thank goodness!

[pthree]

Just want to add that I agree about every baby being different.

Everyone I know, all I read, and also the hospital lactation consultants, said to nurse for 15 minutes from both sides if possible, but at least 15 minutes from one side and as long as they'll go from the other side. Avery has NEVER in her life eaten from both sides at a feeding. She's never even eaten for 15 minutes straight. Maybe 13 tops, always from one side. And for the past couple of months she eats every few hours from one side only - for 5-6 minutes! That's it!

And she is exactly where she should be for weight, and very tall! The only one who said this was normal was my doctor - so if you're ever concerned, ask them!

[Lyz]

I agree with Gwen about getting your DH to be as helpful as possible! I, too, feel like a truly lucky mommy because DH is fantastic and has been since day 1. But, you can't do it all and if you try, you will burn out fast and resent your husband/significant other.

Nick Jr is helpful too Bella likes to listen and dance to it while she's playing. I don't let her veg in front it for hours on end but it's nice to be able to put on her favorite show and she can relax to it while I'm cooking dinner, etc for the 25 minutes. (note: if you have DVR, tape their favorite show. They are a lifesaver if your LO is uber cranky).

you can't be prepared for the exhaustion that sets in about week 3. Just know that it's short lived and you will feel like yourself again the coming weeks.