[Tersh]

What are your views?

Im not married and TTC #1 so i think that says it all

[Banned-xoxo. ashleyy]

I don't really fit into an option.
I didn't wait, and I really don't care if you do or don't
To each their own

[LadyInWaiting]

Because of my religious beliefs its wrong, but I did it anyway and wouldn't change it at all. I (will) encourage abstinence until marriage with my children but will not push it on them like it was me.

[mtowcs09]

I believe there's nothing wrong with sex before marriage and I prefer it. I'm not religious so I don't see it as a sin and I think there's some positives with losing it before marriage (no more pain! ).

[TheOtherMichelle]

I voted on the last, but I think it's a very personal decision and everyone is different. I would recommend that my children wait until they are at least 18 before having sex, though.

[Banned-Mommiex2]

I am a firm believer in test-driving the car before you opt to buy.

Sex is an important part of marraige, regardless of what people say. If two people don't have a good sex life, it effects the rest of the relationship, no matter how you slice it.

To me, marraige is about the WHOLE package, the communication, the companionship, the partnership (including running the house and childrearing), and the sex. If one part doesn't work, it makes for a gimp marraige.


Of course, I don't want my kids thinking that having sex with everyone is ok. I definately think that age and maturity level is a factor when talking to them about sex and when it's ok to wait and ok to have responsible sex, but I am not going to tell them to wait until marraige. I didn't so how can I expect them to do it?

I am a firm believer in test-driving the car before you opt to buy.

Sex is an important part of marraige, regardless of what people say. If two people don't have a good sex life, it effects the rest of the relationship, no matter how you slice it.

To me, marraige is about the WHOLE package, the communication, the companionship, the partnership (including running the house and childrearing), and the sex. If one part doesn't work, it makes for a gimp marraige.


Of course, I don't want my kids thinking that having sex with everyone is ok. I definately think that age and maturity level is a factor when talking to them about sex and when it's ok to wait and ok to have responsible sex, but I am not going to tell them to wait until marraige. I didn't so how can I expect them to do it?[/b]

Agreed.

Obviously, I have no qualms about premarital sex as I am not married, and have a nearly three year old son. I don't believe waiting until marriage is smart for everyone, and I'd even venture to guess that it would work only for a very small percentage of the United States population. I will not be teaching any child of mine that it is best to wait for marriage. Long-term stable and loving relationship? Absolutely. Marriage papers required? Absolutely NOT.

[Lilah]

None of the options apply to me as I was raped so the decision was taken away from me... but that said I don't think it is "wrong" to have sex prior to marriage. And since there is a huge population in the US who can't legally get married I think it would be pretty ridiculous for them to go their whole lives without having sex.

Other. I waited, but not because I felt it was "wrong" at the time, but it was a promise I made to myself after I was raped as a child... and any guy who couldn't understand that obviously wasn't the right one for me. Now I have different reasons for not agreeing with sex outside of marriage, based on my faith.

Sex is an important part of marraige, regardless of what people say. If two people don't have a good sex life, it effects the rest of the relationship, no matter how you slice it.[/b]

A couple of virgins can learn together; the format is pretty standard after all.

[Banned-Mommiex2]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE

Sex is an important part of marraige, regardless of what people say. If two people don't have a good sex life, it effects the rest of the relationship, no matter how you slice it.[/b]

A couple of virgins can learn together; the format is pretty standard after all.
[/b][/quote]


I am not saying that two virgins can't learn together, I am saying that it's more likely to wind up with someone you are not sexually compatable with if you wait to find out after marraige than if you "try them out" before hand and see what they are like.

[AMDG]

<div class='quotemain'>Sex is an important part of marraige, regardless of what people say. If two people don't have a good sex life, it effects the rest of the relationship, no matter how you slice it.[/b]

A couple of virgins can learn together; the format is pretty standard after all.
[/b][/quote]


I am not saying that two virgins can't learn together, I am saying that it's more likely to wind up with someone you are not sexually compatable with if you wait to find out after marraige than if you "try them out" before hand and see what they are like.
[/b][/quote]


I've always thought this was a funny argument. How would I have any idea if I was not sexually compatable with my husband? Our sex life is great and an important part of our marriage as it should be but neither of us has known any different. I never for a moment had any concerns about going into a marriage with my DH without having first had sex.

[glasscandie]

I think it's more important to be educated about sex and everything that comes with it (pregnancy, abortion, having a child at a young age, the emotional baggage that comes with sex, diseases, the fact that you don't have to have sex with someone to make them like you), than to say "yes" or "no" to sex outside of marriage. Marriage in and of itself is a social contract, something that came about when humans got "civilized" to keep things "civilized," so I don't think there's a right or wrong to the sex before aspect. I don't think you need to get married either, for the record.

[Marissa]

Im not married and trying to have my first baby, so clearly i didn't wait, that was just my choice though. I was 17 when i lost my virginity to my boyfriend (still with him, been 4 years) and wouldn't change it.

If people wait until they are married that is their own personal choice to do so. I don't make any comment towards their choice to wait. It's whatever works for that person, and that person alone.

[Banned-Mommiex2]

A couple of virgins can learn together; the format is pretty standard after all.
[/b]

I am not saying that two virgins can't learn together, I am saying that it's more likely to wind up with someone you are not sexually compatable with if you wait to find out after marraige than if you "try them out" before hand and see what they are like.
[/b][/quote]


I've always thought this was a funny argument. How would I have any idea if I was not sexually compatable with my husband? Our sex life is great and an important part of our marriage as it should be but neither of us has known any different. I never for a moment had any concerns about going into a marriage with my DH without having first had sex.
[/b][/quote]


If your sex drive was really high and his was really low, or vice versa, I think you would know that there is a problem there when one person had to beg for sex all the time and the other person didn't want to give it to them. Sexual compatability isn't just about "the deed" itself. Plus, there are some people that are.. umm.. more adventerous than others. If you have Adventure Man with Prude Woman, it's not going to be a great fit. I am not saying that you were "wrong" to wait until marraige, obviously that is your choice. I just think that when people choose to wait that they are taking a risk in being with someone that isn't compatable with them.

I think the idea that you SHOULD "test drive" is a ludicrous as THEY think it is to wait.

I dont think sexual compatibility is something you find, I think it is something you develop. Sex I also feel is about 80% emotions based.

My FAITH says you should wait, and I PERSONALLY did, but I'm not going to chastise anyone who didnt. My husband didnt. I DO think that anyone who has the one night stand thing or casual sex is playing with BIG TIME FIRE and if they get burned, I hope they dont come crying to anyone about it.

Sex no matter who you are should be between 2 ADULTS who have a COMMITED relationship with each other. Weather they are married or not doesnt matter to me, cause they arent ME.

I dont think sexual compatibility is something you find, I think it is something you develop. Sex I also feel is about 80% emotions based.[/b]

Plus sex drive can be related to medical or psychological issues, both of which can be remedied and worked through if two people are committed to each other and their marriage.

[Gina1978]

I dont beleive in waiting until marriage,but I do beleive in waiting until there are certain feelings between the couple.I hate the idea of empty sex,one night stands etc
The reason I dont beleive in waiting until marriage,is because I think a couple should try out a full relationship first.Bad sex DOES lead to a bad relationship.
If a couple (virgin or not) take the plunge (get married) and then realised that there´s no "heat" between them in the bedroom,then there´s going to be ALOT of tension there.If a couple is unsatisfied sexually,it´ll start to do some serious damage at some point.Sure,they may be able to go for a few years without any problems,but people have their needs,and in the end,it wont work.
I know plenty of men and women who stray from their relationship because they arent being pleased in the bedroom.I dont think bad sex is an exuse to hurt your partner by being unfaithful,but unfortunately,thats what happens in most cases.

I have been in a relationship where the sex was SO bad,that my feelings for this person deteriorated FAST (yes,I did love him..ALOT).Id get all exited,plan a date night,and then Id be dispointed.That disapointment turned into frustration,and that turned into anger etc
Bad sex can turn price charming right back into a frog,beleive me.

[Banned-Mommiex2]

I think the idea that you SHOULD "test drive" is a ludicrous as THEY think it is to wait.[/b]

Who said that anyone "should" do anything?? I said I am a firm believer in it. Doesn't mean that everyone else "should", so please don't put words in my mouth.

The reason I dont beleive in waiting until marriage,is because I think a couple should try out a full relationship first.Bad sex DOES lead to a bad relationship.
If a couple (virgin or not) take the plunge (get married) and then realised that there´s no "heat" between them in the bedroom,then there´s going to be ALOT of tension there.If a couple is unsatisfied sexually,it´ll start to do some serious damage at some point.Sure,they may be able to go for a few years without any problems,but people have their needs,and in the end,it wont work.
I know plenty of men and women who stray from their relationship because they arent being pleased in the bedroom.I dont think bad sex is an exuse to hurt your partner by being unfaithful,but unfortunately,thats what happens in most cases.

I have been in a relationship where the sex was SO bad,that my feelings for this person deteriorated FAST (yes,I did love him..ALOT).Id get all exited,plan a date night,and then Id be dispointed.That disapointment turned into frustration,and that turned into anger etc
Bad sex can turn price charming right back into a frog,beleive me.[/b]

Exactly!

[beck12]

I dont beleive in waiting until marriage,but I do beleive in waiting until there are certain feelings between the couple.I hate the idea of empty sex,one night stands etc
The reason I dont beleive in waiting until marriage,is because I think a couple should try out a full relationship first.Bad sex DOES lead to a bad relationship.
If a couple (virgin or not) take the plunge (get married) and then realised that there´s no "heat" between them in the bedroom,then there´s going to be ALOT of tension there.If a couple is unsatisfied sexually,it´ll start to do some serious damage at some point.Sure,they may be able to go for a few years without any problems,but people have their needs,and in the end,it wont work.
I know plenty of men and women who stray from their relationship because they arent being pleased in the bedroom.I dont think bad sex is an exuse to hurt your partner by being unfaithful,but unfortunately,thats what happens in most cases.

I have been in a relationship where the sex was SO bad,that my feelings for this person deteriorated FAST (yes,I did love him..ALOT).Id get all exited,plan a date night,and then Id be dispointed.That disapointment turned into frustration,and that turned into anger etc
Bad sex can turn price charming right back into a frog,beleive me.[/b]

I first want to address the bolded statement. I could not disagree with you more. People stray in marriages because of a CHARACTER FLAW they have, not because sex with their current spouse or partner is bad, or they are being ignored emotionally or any of the other 1000 reasons cheaters may give to blame someone else for THEIR bad behavior. There are plenty of people that are dissatisfied sexually or emotionally ignored who DON'T cheat to easily prove that those things don't cause cheating - those things cause a person who wants to cheat to be able to give themselves a reason to justify their actions. That's all. Sure, other problems in a marriage can make cheating more likely - but again that can be said for any behavior (i.e. sdditional stress in one's life may make it likley they will pick up smoking again after quitting for 5 years, or maybe over eating, or perhaps grumpy behavior, or whatever - but the fact is it isn't stress that is the direct cause of those things, it is the reason people give for why they do things they don't like when the truth is as humans, we are flawed & we maked flawed decisions at times when we don't have healthy adequate coping skills and/or the know how to utilize better choices to ALLEVIATE the problem rather than adding to it).

As far as bad sex, etc. being an issue or passion fizzling, I often think that is directly attributable to not having genuine feelings in the first place. Too often I see adult *think* they have real feelings for someone when they haven't even known them long enough to meet their family, see them sick (like flu or bad cold), have real discussions about core personal values & beliefs, etc, etc, etc. If you are entering into a sexual relationship without knowing someone deeply I could easily see how you may end up finding out more about them that becomes unappealing & therefore also affects your sexual attraction, as well as if you knew them better, you'd have a better way to kind of know what type of lover they may be. A person that isn't loving, kind, attentive in other matters won't suddenly become so in the bedroom. A person who is genuinely loving, giving, kind & attentive in other areas WILL also be so in the bedroom. That doesn't take having sex with someone to know that. I also believe that a truly great sex life is something you work toward - just like truly great communication. It may seem to come natural in some cases, but even if it doesn't that doesn't mean you can't get there if you want to - but it won't happen overnight & it does take a willingness to voice what you do & don't want/like & it also takes the partner to do the same. I just can't imagine that any man that I would personally feel was worthy of my love would not be the type of man that would want me to be happy sexually & would be willing to work toward that. If he wasn't willing to work on it, I can't imagine me loving him in the first place.

That being said - I did not vote because I didn't feel there was a selection that was right for me.