[Jarheadwed]

I am reading an article on gender disappointment, meaning the disappointment parents can sometimes feel when they find out they are getting one gender while they may have been secretly (or not secretly) hoping for the other. One point it makes is its hard for women to get support for this, because others may make her feel guilty for having a gender preference at all, instead of hoping only for a healthy baby.

Do you think its selfish to hope its one over the other? Do you think women should feel happy with either one as long as its healthy, or do you think its okay a woman may be disappointed by the news? This is all assuming she will be a good mother to either gender and will love the baby regardless once its born- I don't mean a rejection of the child.

[hannah79]

I think it is absolutely okay to be disapointed. You can't help how you feel. I know that when I first found out that I was having a boy, I went home and cried. I took about five minutes to be sad that we weren't going to be all pink and girly. I don't think that made me love my son any less. He is now five and knows that I love him more than anything in the world and that I would never trade him for anything.

[foxfire_ga79]

I can honestly say I would have been crushed if this baby had turned out to be a boy. I have 2 boys and a girl already and wanted another girl. Yes, I went into this knowing I could very well have a boy and I accepted the risk because when it boiled down to it I would love any baby I have, and while my main prayer was for good health, praying that it was a girl was a very close second request.
But I was surprised to find that there are other women who go through this, and even more severely. I was looking up wives tales on how to conceive one gender or the other (hahaha I know that's silly) and found a link that talks about how some women even needed counseling. It seems to happen more when a woman wants a girl and gets a boy, less commonly when a woman wants a boy and gets a girl.
I don't know what I would say to comfort a friend who went through this. I do feel good health is the most important thing to hope for, but I also know how real the feelings are to really really want 1 gender or the other. I don't think it's selfish to want 1 or the other...What if she already has 2 or 3 of 1 gender and really wants the other gender and it's her last chance? I know several women who have 3 and 4 boys, the last one not turning out to be a girl was a let down for all of them, but the boys were no less loved.
But I do know that once the baby is born, it's easy to forget any disappointment when you see your baby's face and hold it. I wouldn't automatically think a woman would end up rejecting her baby if I found out she was disappointed with the gender. She would just need good support for her feelings. From what I read of it women still love their babies, they just need to be able to express sorrow and not be made to feel guilty for it.

[beck12]

I think it is normal & okay to be disappointed, but to go further than that might mean she has some issues in general. After all it seems a bit less than logical to set your heart on anything that is beyond your control. It would be just as over the top to be seriously upset about the hair color or eye color your child is born with....it will be what it is going to be. It is okay to hope, but if you are devastated, then perhaps you need to readjust your overall pattern of thinking that you set yourself to get so upset over something you have no control over in the first place.

With everything that can & does go wrong for so many, in the end we all should be able to be grateful to have a healthy child period. Genitalia has nothing to do with whether or not you are blessed to be having a baby..... I would love to have a girl, but if I had 4 more boys - so be it. I am walking this path, not delusional enough to believe I control it.

[chlodoll]

I felt some disapointment when I found out my second was a boy. I only plan on having two children so any hopes of having a girl were out the window. I got over it though and I love my little man.

I still do get sad that I will never have a girl though to share some of the womanly things in life with!

[mayandsofiasmommy]

Selfish? No. While I didn't care what we had, I did hope it was boy/girl. I had always wanted to have a boy first. But, I was really just happy to have them healthy! DH really wanted a boy, so it took him a little bit to get used to the idea of 2 girls, but he loves it now!

[sandyjoys]

Originally Posted by chlodoll

I felt some disapointment when I found out my second was a boy. I only plan on having two children so any hopes of having a girl were out the window. I got over it though and I love my little man.

I still do get sad that I will never have a girl though to share some of the womanly things in life with!

This, exactly. It makes me sad that I won't have a daughter, but it doesn't make me love my two boys any less.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

I was disappointed upon finding out I was having a boy. I wanted a girl because that's all we had in our family...girls. I thought they were cuter to dress and easier to raise. Well, my son is here and I've been in love with him ever since I laid eyes on him. He washed away all of my desires to EVER have a girl. He is amazing child and an amazing son. He's definitely a handful, but I'm loving every minute of it. If I ever have another, I'd want it to be another boy without a doubt. I just finally accepted that God gave me what I needed, not what I wanted.

[glasscandie]

That's funny, we were talking about this last night, about our (very future) plans to have another child. We have a girl, and DH had reeeeeally wanted a boy. He was a bit disappointed when we found it she was a girl, but it didn't affect one bit home much he loved her the minute she was born. What's funny now is that he says he'd rather have another girl than a boy lol He was saying last night he didn't realize how much fun girls were, and how much he'd love her, and that he couldn't imagine having a boy now. Funny how things change! I think I would like a little boy, but I'd be perfectly happy with a girl as well - I had fun with my sister growing up, and we're fairly close now as adults. I'm more concerned how DD will feel when the other doesn't have her skin disorder - I couldn't in good conscience have another, DD really lucked out with a less severe form, and the next child might not be so lucky. So, we will either be doing some type of fertility treatment to make sure the next doesn't have it, or adopt.

[ctanis]

I think its normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Now if it is going on for weeks or months then I think they should seek some help. I thought for sure Jonathan was going to be a girl so when they told me I was having a boy I cried for a minute. I was not having anymore kids. I got over it and I can say honestly that I love being a mom of boys and would not want it any other way.

[frgsonmysox]

Honestly, I don't get it. When I was pregnant I had a girl in my due date club say that if it was a boy she wasn't sure she could love it. That just blew my mind. I don't see how the gender should have any bearing on love.

[Jarheadwed]

I can, on some levels, see where she is coming from if it was a fear that she wouldn't love it the same- deep down, I am terrified I won't be as good of a mother to boys as I would be to girls- little boys are so foreign to me. And this is coming from someone who has two little brothers and tons of male little cousins- I just think they are such strange creatures, lol! Like, why does everything have to be turned into a gun? Why do they need to be so rough and loud? But I do know deep down too that if it is a boy, when I hold him in my arms, I will love him just as fiercely as I would a girl, and even when he's rough and loud, I know I will find him wonderful and adorable. I would probably just need a week to let it sink in after the gender u/s, and to grieve the "loss" of a potential daughter.

[*Jillian*]

I wanted a girl and when the ultrasound tech said "it's a boy" I immediately realized "oh I wanted a boy!" HAHA!! It was the weirdest thing...I was almost upset and instantly excited a the same time. Hard to explain.

I think once I saw that my baby was healthy that the whole gender preference went away pretty quick. I guess it isn't the same for everyone.

[chlodoll]

Originally Posted by Jarheadwed

I can, on some levels, see where she is coming from if it was a fear that she wouldn't love it the same- deep down, I am terrified I won't be as good of a mother to boys as I would be to girls- little boys are so foreign to me. And this is coming from someone who has two little brothers and tons of male little cousins- I just think they are such strange creatures, lol! Like, why does everything have to be turned into a gun? Why do they need to be so rough and loud? But I do know deep down too that if it is a boy, when I hold him in my arms, I will love him just as fiercely as I would a girl, and even when he's rough and loud, I know I will find him wonderful and adorable. I would probably just need a week to let it sink in after the gender u/s, and to grieve the "loss" of a potential daughter.

Not all boys turn everything in to guns lol It just depends what you allow. Some people have this weird boys will be boys attitude. I don't want my boys to be lumped in with it.

[beck12]

Originally Posted by Jarheadwed

I can, on some levels, see where she is coming from if it was a fear that she wouldn't love it the same- deep down, I am terrified I won't be as good of a mother to boys as I would be to girls- little boys are so foreign to me. And this is coming from someone who has two little brothers and tons of male little cousins- I just think they are such strange creatures, lol! Like, why does everything have to be turned into a gun? Why do they need to be so rough and loud? But I do know deep down too that if it is a boy, when I hold him in my arms, I will love him just as fiercely as I would a girl, and even when he's rough and loud, I know I will find him wonderful and adorable. I would probably just need a week to let it sink in after the gender u/s, and to grieve the "loss" of a potential daughter.

I can totally relate to this, but this is different than disappointment. I was a bit freaked when I was told Ds was a boy because I had those same concerns...and really it's a no brainer. ALL babies are babies....regardless of gender & you get to knwo their personalities a little at a time...so it never feel foreign to have a boy...you just stop even thinking about it. Don't worry. It all comes out in the wash.

Originally Posted by chlodoll

Not all boys turn everything in to guns lol It just depends what you allow. Some people have this weird boys will be boys attitude. I don't want my boys to be lumped in with it.

I wish I could say that doesn't hold true for us, but my Ds does turn everything into a gun & he owns no guns. I don't know if it is watching other little boys play or what, but he was shooting me with a shoe just this morning (pow pow)....and he is two. He is also a big cuddle bug & very sweet & just last night he told me that "Jonah & momma are best friends". So I got a little bit of spit fire & a little bit of lover together.

[Jarheadwed]

A shoe gun, that is kind of funny!

[MrsSarah1]

I think mostly it has to do with the little fairy tale we have in our heads. We imagine ourselves with a four year old boy, a two year old girl, and one more on the way... of course in a beautiful house with a white picket fence and a hunk of a husband . When things don't go according as "planned", of course we feel dissapointment on some level. I think it's a perfectly normal reaction. I see nothing wrong with it, or even talking about it with friends and family members to get support and encouragement.

Most likely we will be having one more child after this, and I will be somewhat disappointed if it isn't a girl.. but I think I will get over it and love the little guy just as much.

[Hailee&Nevansmommy]

Im not like that at all. I had a girl back when i was 17 .. shes 11 now. And my second time around, at first i kinda wanted a lil girl cuz i know about raising them, that kinda thing. When i saw my ultra sound and knew it was a boy just from looking at the pictures ( wasnt told the gener ) I was sooo excited..and then i figured if its a boy or girl whatever And IF i ever got pregnant again, i wouldnt care either way. Im not that selfish.

[Jarheadwed]

^^I don't think is selfish to have a preference, as long as whatever you get you love it regardless. Many people have a preference for one reason or another.

[glasscandie]

I was actually freaked out when I found out I was having a girl, because I had no idea what to do with her! I hate Barbies and playing dress-up - rarely even wear heels in real life (anyone see my Facebook post? LOL just bought 4 inch shoes for our vaca in Atlantic City and I think I'll probably come home with a broken ankle). I played ice hockey in high school for freak's sake lol But as it turns out, DD isn't all that into that stuff anyway!